I don't know what to do

Hi njallen, this is not your debt, it is his. Don't keep secrets, gambling feeds on secrets and lies. Don't be ashamed it's an addiction , some say an illness. Get debt advice, call gamcare , go to gamanon meeting. You need advice and support. Do not have any joint accounts. Tell your parents so they can support you and won't lend him any money. He needs to admit and get help himself, he has to do this himself.

Hi Merry go round,

My parents already know about the issue as he went to them for money before he came to me and told me what was going on. He is getting help now and I do believe he is ready for that help as he has come clean about everything and rung the advice line here to set up counselling.

I almost feel guilty now being so angry with him and holding it against him because I can see him trying to get help, but I don't know what we can/ i can/ he can do to make it any better.

Hi njallen, don't feel guilty. You have every right to be angry. You need help for yourself, as I said you can't help him, you can support him. You need to be strong and take control of finance if you are going to stay. Unfortunately this is a life long struggle. My husband has said he'd stopped many times, gambling anything he could get his hands on. You can call the helpline, read stories and get yourself as much info on gambling addiction as you can. Don't pay his debts. Look after yourself

Hi Njallen,

Welcome to the forum, and thanks for your post.

It must be difficult for you having to find out the way you did, and it is not unusual that you still feel shocked by your boyfriend’s gambling problem, and I do empathise with the situation that you find yourself in. The positive thing is that you’re seeking help and support for both of you, and he’s admitted to having this gambling problem, and also willing to do something about it. Help is available, and there’s no need for you or him to suffer in isolation or secrecy. You have thus taken a step in the right direction by coming to Gamcare for help and support.

I can also see you’ve got some good response from fellow forum members, sharing some positive ideas with you too from their experiences.

I’ll endorse the idea of looking after yourself and finances (I suggest that you keep your account separate from his), and check his bank statements to be sure he’s not gambling, and keeping to his words: “to stop gambling”.

Gamcare has a free phone Helpline: 0808 8020 133, where you can contact and speak to one of our advisers for help and support with gambling problem.

Maybe you’d like to encourage him to contact our Helpline for a direct chat regarding further help and support for himself, and you can do same too.

Our lines are open everyday from 8.00am to midnight.

I hope that your counselling sessions would help you to have a good understanding of your situation, make sense of what is going on, and to find a way of moving forward, and for him – to lead a gamble free life.

Have you thought about reading from our forum frequently for encouragement and more ideas on how others managed to cope with their gambling problems? It’s also advisable to try and post as often as you can.

Best wishes,

Beatrice

If you are staying together or trying to get his credit report set up with any alerts sent directly to you, on a device only you can access

Keep your finance 100% seperate and dont trust a word he says, only go by his actual actions

If he can get help, serious, proper professional help and you can work through your own issues he has caused, then you are young enough to still have a fantastic life

I hope he doesn't spend the next 15 years the same way I and many others have done, making partial recoveries then going back worse than ever.

The figures for everyone are unique, essentially meaningless as its the behaviour that needs the work but needless to say I could be an outright home owner now. instead we struggle because I'm a compulsive Gambler, a liar, deceiptful and manupulative - I never set out to be any of that but I have never properly dealt with my addiction

Best wishes in whatever you decide to do next

Hi Njallen.

My best advice moving forward is dont let this be a blind love and you need to learn that its an addiction as strong as class A or other dangerous activities.

I have to bluntly say that its HIS debt as you are not the gambler. So any repayment plans that involve you are not right or fair. You have a right to be upset and you dont have to prove your love by shouldering any of that. Ive been a gambler and I wouldnt live with one.

Having said that I know you may have feelings for him and it can be beaten with the right help. The triggers may always be within him but the mind does heal.

Firstly you have to protect yourself and thats vital. Gambling is a deadly ride that will take everyone on the journey. If the gambler doesnt stop its a steep slope downwards.

He needs to be ready to stop. I was bankrupt at the age of 26 due to a large amount of credit cards and gambling was part of that. It ruined one of my relationships because I couldnt spend quality time with her due to being at creditors and trustee meetings. That was a hard lesson to learn but it didnt stop me gambling off and on for the next twenty years.

So take it easy and build up your knowledge. You may need some counselling yourself.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum