I have a few questions about gambling

Hi I don’t know specifics about amounts and one branch of a bookies. My interpretation is that he has an online account that he’s paying into. It’s when or if he’s withdrawing anything. Most compulsive gamblers don’t  withdraw funds because they don’t stop until everything is gone.

Can you look at credit reports for the business? Make sure he can’t take from that. 
On a personal level have you seen his behaviour or mood change? Is he still working to the same capacity? All are indications of a problem.

if you’re close enough friends I would talk to him and offer support. Do not offer money or financial help, that just keeps them in credit to gamble more.

Supposedly gambling companies are meant to have limits, you can’t play on a credit card anymore. Hopefully someone more knowledgable about the rules will comment. Good luck 

Hi thanks for the speedy reply!

Just to clarify, he doesn’t have an online account - he’s an old(ish) chap and anything to do with the internet is completely beyond him - luckily for us all, perhaps! - he’s physically going into the bookies and placing bets, mainly footy and cricket. And yeah, I suspect as much that anything he wins he just gives straight back to them.

Luckily I take care of all the company finances, that’s my main function here, and he’d have a hard taking anything out of the business without me knowing. He’s doing a lot of side jobs though and getting these ‘customers’ to pay into his own account, to fund this - so obviously that’s very dodgy, he’s risking a lot. Also meaning he’s working 80 hour weeks - he’s already had a heart attack a few years back, so obviously we’re all worried this is going to wind up killing him, it’s actually a serious concern. 

He gets extremely defensive and just lies through his teeth when challenged about any of it, as you’d expect.

Perhaps you can’t play on credit card, but apparently you can on a debit card.

It’s such a crying shame, he’s worked hard all his life and should by now be driving around in a Jag and going on 5 holidays a year sorta thing, but as it is he’s got nothing to his name but his knackered old van and does nothing with his spare time (as little as it is) but sit in the pub on his own watching the matches he’s bet on. ‘Rents’ a house from his son but rarely pays any. I sympathise, and I really want to help, but I have no idea how. You can’t even talk to him about it! 

Like I said, the bookies shouldn’t be letting him do this, for a start! Problem is, even if i get him banned from that branch of Coral, there’s a Billy Hill a couple of doors up, and it’s the same on every high street in every town. Awful.

Hi @unspecified

It sound like you are in a difficult position and I can understand why you are worried about your business partner. Have you tried contacting our free helpline at all? Our advisers can go through the different options of support available to you and your friend. I understand he may feel defensive when you try to talk to him about it. It may be worth signposting him to our website as well where he can find lots of different self help resources and information.

We are open 24/7 and here to help in any way we can - do let us know if there is anything more we can do to support you.

Warmest wishes

Zoe

Forum Admin

You tried and tried unspecified to bring him to his senses

But still he bets on this and that or horses jumping fences

Some bookies say "back on the card winnings they must go"

But others give you cash in hand so you can bet some more

Aum

@unspecified Putting the rights and wrongs of gambling aside, you can pay on a card and get returns back in either form. From your original post it sounds like it's been going for a while and no one can lose continously without ever winning even once, so if the statement is only showing outgoings I would suggest that he may be taking his winnings in cash.

To go onto your point of the shop stopping him, how do they know if he's a millionaire or a pauper? Unless he was intoxicated there is no reason for him not being able to place his bets. Besides if they did he'd probably just go somewhere else. It's hard for someone to see it happening to someone else but unless he sees it as a problem you're going to struggle to get him to seek help. Just keep your business safe.

Chris.

Thanks Chris.

Yeah that’s exactly it. The most important step is that first step of seeing the light. We’re nowhere near that stage yet. With most people it’d be when they’ve lost everything, but this guy has pretty much nothing to lose except the money he has in his bank account, when he then immediately replaces, and loses, and replaces, ad infinitum. And doesn’t see a problem with living like this. How do you reason with that? 

@unspecified I don't know if this would have worked for me at anytime when I was gambling, but you could leave a flyer out for him to see and maybe read. Gamcare have some literature which you could get and just leave laying around which just might pique his interest. Once the idea is in his head you might find it grows until he does something about it? You might not but other than just talk to him directly, I think it's up to him.

Good luck

Chris.

Hi, this all sounds so sad, similar to above but as I read I did just wonder if you could maybe write a letter and post it to him - unusual these days but it would allow him to open it without the immediate defenses coming out.

In my active days, I wouldn't have wanted anything than to know I could talk without fear of judgement, so no chapter and verse, something like:

Jon, 

If you ever want to talk, I'm available to listen. I will not judge you.

I don't know if you will appreciate this note or not but I do want you to know I care and I want to offer you a safe space to talk.

Equally I fully respect your right to ignore this offer and therefore will not raise it again, if I do not hear from you.

You can contact me at any time of day or night, should you wish.

I couldn't honestly say how I would of responded but I would have appreciated and respected the gesture.

just my thoughts anyway and fair play to you for caring

Hi mate, 

Its terrible to see anyone battle with addiction, I would justify anything to continue feeding my habit, walk miles to work, go without lunch, sacrifice relationships and friendships all to keep the illusion going that I was in control and entitled to do what I liked with my money.

As you have heard you cannot control someone else, it is entirely up ot them to get help, but you can help bring this problem into the light of day. Addiction lives off secrets and lies so when we burst this bubble others become aware of the issue. What I mean by this is that an addict will pretend that everything is alright as we stumble from day to day existence and even though others are aware our behaviour is not right nothing is done about it. 

What can be done is an intervention, this is ideally more where more than one person close to the addict sits them down and make them aware that their behaviour is not right and they do in fact have a problem and need to get help. These do not always work as addicts naturally get very defensive and even cut these people from their lives but it is very useful for gamblers who are in denial. Hearing it first hand from people close to us can be very effective.

If you are doing an intervention, come prepared, if your doing it with others then sit down together and have it fully planned. An addict will be very defensive and argumentative usually so having facts and figures about their habit is vital to help them see the reality of the issue. 

Keep posting on here and I wish you well.