I left him

I met him when I was 17. He was unlike anyone I had ever met. He made me so happy, we had so many stolen moments after work and before school and late at night. We had dreams, we were going to move into a home of our own, we were going to have a big TV, and he's a really good cook, so we had made a deal he would cook and id do the washing up after. We were supposed to see so many countries together, and have so many birthdays together. 

He was supposed to be there when I finished Uni, and I was supposed to see him build this car he had been going on about since the day we met. we had so many things to do, and they'll always stay as things to do. 

He gambled a week after we met, maybe two weeks. I forgave him, I remember I said don't be silly its okay and I laughed it off. I didn't know what a gambling addiction was, I thought he would earn the money next week and he wouldn't do it again. Then it happened again and again.. and again. 

He used to cry and bang his head, try to pull his own hair out of anger. He would say sorry. He promised on so many things he wouldn't do it again. On his mum, on me, on himself. Everything. He never did keep those promises. I loved him anyways, I still do. 

A couple months ago he became homeless because of the gambling. He told me to wait and that he would fix everything.. and so I did. He gambled everyday, I didn't know until yesterday when he admitted it. I don't understand why.. he had finally admitted he wanted to change, he'd even been in contact with GamCare and booked an appointment.. 

I loved him with my everything but what can I do when he can't even stop to save himself? I left him. And it hurts, it hurts so much