I need some serious help.....so does he!

He is now making this about us and keeps saying he needs to b away to deal with his problems but when I ask him what problems he says he hasnt got any. He also says he has left a great life, amazing gf, beautiful daughter and home to sit in a b&b on his own. 🙁 I know I may be better off without him but I still care and love him and hate that he is sitting ina b&b......doing what with his time? He doesn't have a supportive family.....all bury there head in the sand and avoid any conversation. But I can't force him to let me be there, he keeps going on about seeing his daughter but I just don't feel ready to see him again....it will end messy because I am so distraught. How can I sit there and watch him play happy families like everything is ok when we still love one another and I am hurting so much xx

hi demented

Have you considered getting some counselling support? Gamcare have a number you could call to get some 1-2-1 support. It may help you through this difficult time.

He is an adult and will make his own decisions and you cannot force him to admit his problem or deal with it for him. He needs to do that himself. Until then you should try and focus on yourself and your baby.

In my experience its not a good idea to stop him from seeing the baby as it will just cause further resentment however that is up to you and I can understand you find it hard to see him at the moment.

Have you got a family member that can be there while he sees his daughter? That way you dont have to be present.

I hope things get better for you.

Linda

Hi D,

I kicked my partner out 4weeks ago to sort his head out, he loves me & our son but I could no longer sit & watch him gambled our future away! I had to make a stand but so far nothing has changed every night I walk in from work there is another letter from a payday loan company! £400 £700 etc... he isn't getting any better just t worse! Last weekend he was over seeing his son it was lovely we got on really well gave me maintenance (a first) and promised he hadn't gambled until I saw him bank statement he got a pay day loan to gamble with his wages arnt enough anymore (he gets paid weekly) I understand how u feel about your daughter he is seeing our son this weekend & I feel sick! looking at a broken man & family! My advise is go see family while he plays happy families or see friends even go to the shop get some you time so he knows you are strong & u mean business enough is enough! My partner is renting a room & to me its like he now ha the freedom to do what the hell he likes when he likes! while i'm at home crying at eyes out thinking what am i going to say to the kids where he is, will he get help & if not why? ?

What's not helping or maybe it Is some advice would be good.... his mum keeps lending him money to pay these loans & to get food etc.... is this right? every time she says its the last! Its like she is feeding his addiction! She says I don't want him homeless! I said stop paying him cos he knows he can gamble & then beg you for money as he wouldn't dare ask me! I love him & its hurting everyone! not just me 🙁 x Hugs xxx

Hi Everyone,

Just thought i'd give you an update.

I am starting counselling tomorrow through work and have been put on anti anxeity tablets.

I have seen my ex a few times so he could see our baby and some days I am cold/off/cant even bare to look at him and others I am civil and act as if everything is fine. I'm really struggling.

I suppose the good thing is he has give me money the past two weeks for our baby and seen her once or twice a week.

I just havent had any more answers other than he had to leave me so I could be happy? I was though apart from when I realised he was gambling again.

I have heard through the grapevine he hasn't had much work, borrowed money off family even though he has his wages each week which are more than sufficent- he hasn't got bills etc. I also got told he was out until the early hours .....I asked him where he was and he said playing snooker until 1.30.....I think cards.

I just feel this is my fault and I couldn't do enough for our baby to get him to want to change or even admit. Sometimes he even feels angry towards me?

I just don't understand it all xxx

Hi demented

This is his fault not yours. It is his responsibility to admit his problem not yours. He is letting you and your baby down by deflecting the blame to you.

You need to realise this so you are not blaming yourself. All you can do is be there as a mother and look after yourself and your baby. He has to take responsibility for himself and his actions.

Linda