Hi all, 4 years ago, I discovered my husband was a compulsive gambler and had racked up 30-40k in debt. Stops were out in place and I thought he was doing well, not gambling and was really proud of him. I've now discovered that he hasn't stopped at all. He has used Gamstop so he can't access the usual sites, but he has used two not covered by Gamstop plus he has been betting on Fantasy sports against his friends frequently and has been getting them to put bets on for him when they're at the pub. He has also been hiding the fact he's taken out more loans and credit cards. I'm besides myself. I don't trust him at all. Last time, trying to help him deal with this made me so ill, I'm not putting myself through it again. He doesn't want to stop and says he won't ever stop fantasy sports as he doesnt see it as gambling, but I do. I know I can't help him, I don't have it in me anymore. And even if I do, he will probably do it all again in another 4 years. Do I have any choice here? I know it's addiction, I know it's not his fault but it's also not mine and I feel so betrayed. I think I'd rather he had cheated on me with someone else.
So sorry to hear this.Â
Hello Bluerose,
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im sorry to hear of your situation, I too am in a similar position. My husband relapsed in February after 3 years. I have since asked him to leave ? he’s been staying at his mums since & hasn’t stopped gambling. I’ve recently been diagnosed with a chronic illness which I’m sure the decade of stress and worry hasn’t helped. I am at the point where I can’t see any return from this, especially as he’s not even stopped whilst he has been gone. I can’t see any future where I will be reassured that he won’t be gambling. Has anyone been able to move on from situations like this?Â
@94axblzpmu I'm so sorry you're in a similar boat and that your husband is still gambling. We had a huge argument earlier and he was quite vile to me, he did there and then self exclude imself from the fantasy sports and lottery but I think it's too late for me now.I believe he did that for my benefit rather than to genuinely help himself. I have zero trust whatsoever and I don't think I have it in me to even try anymore. i dont even want to anymore. I'm exhausted from it all. I'm sorry you're ill, this is also my concern too for myself. I do hope you're okay. I have two children, one is autistic and is in burnout at the moment and I need my energy for my kids, not my husband. I feel terrible to consider walking away but I honestly don't think I can do it anymore. I do think we all get to a point where we have to put ourselves first and I can feel my own sanity crumbling at the thought of doing this all over again. Sending love x
So sorry to hear you are going through this. My husband is 3+ years gamble free but has consistently shown commitment and discipline, let me manage all finances and is regularly attending GA. You are right that a compulsive gambler will never get into recovery if they don’t ultimately want to for themselves. They need to put in the hard work. We can only support as partners. Please look after yourself and the family. Never trust him with finances ever again. If he doesn’t want to help himself into recovery, then it’s time to reevaluate if you want to live your life with this person. I wish you all the best.
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