Hi guys, I recently posted about the confusion about whether or not to give up forever with my relationship with my ex partner and I just wanted to give an update and share my story.
I spoke about how he has been free of gambling for almost a month, but I have been left so broken that I left but wasn't sure whether or not to give it another go. He had been gambling for two years (the first year I was aware of, the second year was hidden by his abuse). I had a year of emotional abuse; being told I wasn't enough, that I was stupid and lazy, that I was "weird" and that is why I have no friends, that he wished I could be normal. I have been left with these scars, and in my every day life I cry at least twice and signifcantly more when I make small mistakes which make all of these names seem real. I am annoyingly apologetic to everyone and anyone, to the point where even people who do not speak to me on a regular basis notice.
Yesterday, I decided that I needed to let this man go forever. I am more than in love with the man that I once knew (who has now come back after being a month gambling-free). But, I cannot go back to the dark place he once had me trapped in. I have to move on and find myself and my own happy.
Today is the beginning of what seems like will be a 'new life' for me. I am only 20 years old and I need to focus on myself and where I want to be. I am struggling, I feel like I'm trapped in a deep pit that I can't find the energy to climb out of, but I think I'll be okay.
I just wanted to thank everyone for all of the adivce and help they have given me, although not much, I feel like I can come here to relate to everyone as we all have the same common denominator: a loved one with a gambling addiction.
Thank you again.
You're worth so much more than what you have been through. You are young and clearly have so much to offer that someone special who WILL enter your life. The end of a relationship is like a bereavement, so be kind to yourself and know that you are doing the right thing for you. Hold your head up, don't look back and walk forward into your new life. Take care xx
Well done for being so strong. Its a big decision but it has to be what is right for you, and whatever you decide will be right. Surround yourself with friends and family, they will be a good support network to you, i dont think I would have got through my decision to leave without them x
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