My husband & I separated nearly 3 months ago. He chose to leave. We have 2 young children. Things haven’t been good for a while & we are trying to reconcile.Â
I don’t think his gambling is to do with the separation or problems but I may be wrong.Â
He has not mentioned gambling & is unaware I know. I was suspicious after he left & found a couple of bank statements lying around (we have separate bank accounts). I’ve been scared to bring it up as I’m worried how he’ll react (not physical) & that it will push him away.Â
I think he’ll be defensive and probably focus more on the fact I looked at his bank statements & be concerned about who I’ve told.Â
Money discussions have always been a stressful conversations & we’re often stressed about our finances & not being able to buy/do things we’d like to.Â
I obviously feel very hurt about the deceit. I don’t know whether his gambling is an addiction either. Max £860 per month (I think) min about £200 & probably been going on for 2 yrs or more. I’ve been aware in the past/over the yrs (married for 11yrs) of the odd gamble but didn’t know it was regular & so much.Â
I’d really appreciate some advice about how to tell him I know & to deal with how he might react. Thank you very much.Â
Dear @alilou76Â
Welcome to our Gamcare Forum, and thank you for sharing with us. You are not alone in what you're going through, and hopefully in our community you can find some connection and understanding for your situation.
I hear that communication can be an issue and it may be worth exploring support from Relate who offer relationship counselling and advice.
If you haven't done already, I would encourage you to contact our advisers either on our helpline (0808 8020 133) or through our live chat. Both are open 24/7 so you can talk any time that's convenient to you. Our advisers are friendly and non-judgmental, they can talk with you about what support we can offer to you and your husband should he wish to access this.
Warmest Regards
Rachel
Forum Admin
Thank you. We are undergoing counselling.Â
I did speak to an adviser who gave me information about the forums. I’m therefore hoping to get more advice from here.Â
Hello Alilou76 and Welcome
The trusted advice is that you should make your feelings known to him. This is generally when you have the support, the strength and the knowledge to be proactive.
You must protect yourself financially and living separately is a good thing as you learn about this addiction
It's not your fault and nobody is judging you for decisions you have to make under these circumstances.
Support from you family and friends can lead to counselling as you work this through in your mind
Gambling is a complex drug addiction. It is essentially a person becoming ill with an addiction
Your partner has to be ready to seek proper help and be truly ready to do the right thing
However you can never be complacent about this addiction going forward. You will need to control all finances and NOT rely on any financial dealings with him.
You may actually need legal advice
I'm not saying he is inherently bad. An addict will get defensive due to the delusional illness. Gambling is a vice and a mugs game.....its not something that can be justified under scrutiny
The forum is always here for you
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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