I've really hit rock bottom. Please help!

Thanks for sharing, really tough - crazy amounts of money.... I feel unless he decides to change and fight this and becomes 100% with himself and you nothing will change...

Oh my God crazy amount of money.. I only had 15k available in credit to me and i lost it all that's when i realised i got problem. And i had to act on it not extremely successful yet but alot better. Maybe if i had more money i would have kept on going untill i lost it all before i wake up. What i am trying to say as long as you are making money and you have a joint account he will not stop and as long as you are helping him financially he will not stop. Look i have been gambling for 3.5 years now and i only time i uderstood that i have a serious gambling problem is when i look at my bank account and there was only £5 in it with 14 days for my next payday... you got to stand firm for yourself and for him and you got to say enough is enough.. i am sorry to hear you have lost all this money..

Adamjamal2014-2017 wrote: Oh my God crazy amount of money.. I only had 15k available in credit to me and i lost it all that's when i realised i got problem. And i had to act on it not extremely successful yet but alot better. Maybe if i had more money i would have kept on going untill i lost it all before i wake up. What i am trying to say as long as you are making money and you have a joint account he will not stop and as long as you are helping him financially he will not stop. Look i have been gambling for 3.5 years now and i only time i uderstood that i have a serious gambling problem is when i look at my bank account and there was only £5 in it with 14 days for my next payday... you got to stand firm for yourself and for him and you got to say enough is enough.. i am sorry to hear you have lost all this money..

Thank you for your reply, didn't think I would get a response so soon.
Yes it's true it just looks like we are financially funding his gambling problem, it's so tough because every time I get a large order from my business Etc he thinks somehow this is his que to 'try and get this money back'

I'm sad that the money has gone but money comes and goes. What's more important is our happiness and our health.
I'm too soft to walk away, I've always told him that if he doesn't stop, then I will leave him as it seems to be the logical thing to do, but my heart feels for him and he knows I won't walk off or tell him to leave. Don't know if he's taking advantage of this.

He makes all these promises that he's going to change and that it's not going to happen again... but I've lost all trust in him sadly.

Lasttime93 wrote:

Thanks for sharing, really tough - crazy amounts of money.... I feel unless he decides to change and fight this and becomes 100% with himself and you nothing will change...

Thank you for your reposnce.

I feel like I'm stuck in a box I can't get out of. I totally agree, this will carry on unless he changes and actually does something about it. He wants a family etc but I can't give him that as I'm hanging from a thread and don't trust him for a stable future.

Obviously it is very difficult situation.. but 145k... thats madness!! You should make choice for yourself....dont just wait for him!

If he is serious about this, he will look for help, have counseling etc. You cant feed his bad habbits. Cut him off!

Feels like you have a very successful business and you dont need this in your life!

Hi Youngfox, welcome to the forum 🙂

Unfortunately he is taking advantage of you 🙁 We don't mean to hurt people around us but when we're in action, getting the money to gamble really is the most important thing in our lives. Him knowing you will put up with anything is quite possibly the worse thing a gambler could ever have because it's a green light for him to behave appallingly & let everyone else pick up the pieces. I get that you love him but that's 2 people loving him, who's loving you? You are absolutely right not to trust him but you now need to decide what you will tolerate because I agree money isn't everything but this is progressive & you WILL lose your home if you don't act. You probably should talk to an advisor as you sound like you are starting from scratch with this & you need to learn all you can about addiction, especially if you are planning on sticking around & supporting him. Sadly, you can't do a great deal if he is not willing to accept the help that is available through counselling (GamCare can arrange this @ no cost to yourselves) and, or GA or other support groups. You should tell people as he is obviously borrowing without the means to give it back...It would be ideal if you could also get along to a GamAnon meeting where you will meet other loved ones going through this. He can't stop because his mind is broken but he can learn to arrest his addiction & come out of this fog he is holding you prisoner in.

Until you get some real life support, stick around, read round the forum, ask questions...You're not alone now & you're going to need to stay strong & look after yourself as you figure out how to move forwards - ODAAT

Hi young fox ok , that was a scary story. I've heard a few lately. So this is all about 'tough love'. You need to take control of your finances, no joint accounts and by the amount he's lost he should have all access to money stopped. You are funding his addiction by bailing him out and allowing him access to your accounts. So you have to take charge. You can get advice by calling gamcare. Research addiction, research gambling addiction, go to a gamanon meeting and get some sound advice. You need to tell him you're not going to give him more money. I went to gamanon before my husband this last lapse. He followed the next week. He will never win. Don't put it off, get some advice today and stop his access. Keep posting and more experienced members will offer their advice. If he's gambling online there are apps that stop access k9 is one. Tell people to stop lending him money. Is he admitting a problem? If not this could get worse, he's on the road to hell. Please get help today

Thank you ODAAT. I will look further into what you mentioned. I feel he's just slipping from me.

Every time I try to calm him down as he's so upset and angry with him self, he says how I dont deserve this from him and that I should have a better life.

He keeps telling me he wants to kill himself and stuff and it's hurting me and I've tried so hard to help him get out of it.

Hey YoungFox, how have you been holding up?

Young fox thank you for your post. I joined this site ten minutes ago and yours was the first post I read. It could have been written by me, back in 1994 where my story began in the absolute same circumstances as yours. Our relationship also began with an innocent "have you ever been to a casino, do you fancy it?" I went, we had a laugh, he gambled and I thought it was innocent. I've never gambled (except the odd lottery ticket) and knew nothing of gambling in casinos. I moved in with him the year we met, 1994, and every problem, every argument or the slightest upset saw him run to the casino. I knew it was a problem but he wasn't gambling the amounts your partner is as he didn't have access to those amounts but it's all relative and there were always money worries and promises of stopping. We kept scraping by and he would stop for months, a year or two even, but he always went back to his addiction and every time I believed he would stop. We got married in the Bahamas, the hotel had a casino. He would spend the morning with me and all afternoon, every afternoon in the casino. It was our honeymoon. It wasn't just gambling though, gamblers like excess, cars they cannot afford, holidays they cannot afford. That was my husband, still is. I stuck with him, he convinced me he would change. We had two children, the gambling stopped.....but it always started again and even when he had stopped there were still the excessive lottery tickets, £30.00 plus per week. We split up for a year. He came back begging me to have him back as he'd gambled 15k and was in trouble. My daughter was 3 my son 5. I took him back and we got straight.....for a while! I think you get the picture. Loans taken out and spent paid off, get straight, more loans.....on and on it went.

On Friday, two days ago, I sat at the kitchen table using my iPad to transfer a banking transaction to pay for a holiday cottage....insufficient funds!!! I was puzzled and then I saw it....reams and reams of online gaming transactions....£300.00 here £200.00 there, over £500.00 in a few days and dozens of £50.00's several times a day going back months. The signs had been there, hooked up to his phone 24/7, not eating properly, no interest in our home or helping me with anything, not sleeping etc etc. I sat and cried, comforted by my 14 year old son. It was 23 years and three months since our first date. We have our own business, two beautiful children and a nice home. We also have no pensions for the future as he has cashed them all over the years, no savings and a car he bought three weeks ago without telling me that he cannot afford. He has just cashed in a 24k policy which is sitting in his account (his personal account) waiting to be gambled away. He has always controlled our finances, never allowing me to know anything. He would explode in a rage if I questioned him. I've wasted my entire life, I am 50 years old and my life is ruined.

This will be you too Young Fox. Please, please leave him because I promise you he cannot change. Do you want to spend the rest of your life like me? It will happen I promise. I sent my husband this message on Friday "Do not come home. I want a divorce" He thinks I don't mean it. I do!!!! We will lose everything and probably our home. He is 61 years old. He will still be shuffling out of betting shops in his 80's. This has devastated our children who love him but know he is sick and understand he loves gambling more than he loves them.

What you must realise young fox and probably don't, is that it won't just be casinos, your partner will be gambling in many forms.....lottery to excess, slot machines, the bookies, online gaming via his mobile.....any way he can to get that gambling fix.

Go now Young Fox and start your life without him. You say you love each other but love is no match for gambling addiction. The addiction will always come first. It is too late for me to move on, I've missed my chance at happiness with someone who truly loves me. I am 50, you are in your 20's. Please listen.

Echo all advice to put yourself first but often we f&f don't know how to and the next relationship ends up being on the same theme. We need to understand what attracts us.

Addicts don't use because they lack the love of a good woman/man, they use because of their own issues and problems that only they can address. Love is valuable in itself when focused in a mutual and reciprocal relationship. But it's not the right medicine to cure someone else's problems or addiction.

CW