Hi, I guess I need to start with a little info about the issue! I'm the wife of a gambler. We've only recently got married (6 months ago) but I've been with him for 10 years. I've known for years that he's had an issue with gambling and it's been something we've tried to keep under control together. However I feel now "keeping it under control" just isn't enough. Ive been able to handle all the issues that have come with this addiction up until now but our life together is starting to struggle. I'm holding back on moving forward and starting our family because I don't want to bring any children into the problem, plus if I'm honest I can't trust him. Anoyongly a few months ago he won a lot of money (over £50k), most people would be happy with this. I hate this money! All it shows him is that he can win! I'm tying to use this money for good and get a house sorted and go on some holidays but nothing is enough to stop him gambling. I have the added issue that drink comes into the problem as well. Friends and family around us kind of know about his "little problem" but no one really understands how bad it is. I struggle to share the problem with people because I don't want anyone to judge him. I Would like to turn to his mum to help but there is a big risk she could have the opposite effect as she can't say no, she would and has helped fund his problem and will keep his secrets. Everything I have read tells me not to push him, he needs to come to terms and get help on his own, he will do it when he is ready! But what do I do? I've told him I will help and support, I've helped him find help (he hasn't been to see anyone yet), he's said he knows he has a problem. Where do I go now! This morning I found £700 in his wallet he came in at 6am this morning from a night out! He's going to do something that I can't ignore and if I walk away it will kill him. I know this but at the moment he harming me. I'm lost at where to turn now! Sorry that was a little more than I was planning to say.
You have to put yourself first. No one else is the situation you described is going to look after you, so you absolutely must. It's impossible to think, plan, escape or healthily continue if you arent looking after yourself, so let go of worrying about him, make yourself, the wife and potential mother a priority, like any normal family would. see how that goes.
GA attendance is a non negotiable condition of my relationship with a recovering gambler. i go to gamanon because it keeps me sane and vigilant. this works well for us at the moment.
the biggest favour i did for myself as to tell people what wqas going on, the burden of secrecy is immense and i dont know how i coped with it. people didnt really judge him any differently, id been kidding myself that they thought he was great, but it turns out they all knew anyway and were eually relieved to be able to approach me about it.
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