Hi everybody,
First of all, i'm so sorry if my english is not perfect, im not from UK
Well, more than one year ago I arrived at London and i started to work in a restaurant where I met my boyfriend. Everything was great until one day, I realised about his problem: Gambling.
The worst part: his lies. He prefers lying me (even when i know the truth) rather than admit what he did and believe me, it hurts me. I talked to him and he knows he has a problem.
Even he stole my money to do gambling and his answer always is the same: you can go and leave me alone but i can't, i love him and i want to help him.
Since i control his money, his economy looks better but yesterday, he did again. He had to send money to his country ( for his children ) but instead of this, he prefered to go to ****** and spent all the money. Then is when i realised he really needs professional help. I feel really confuse because he is balming me about his problem
I feel sad, i have anxiety and i can't trust him. I know he loves me but his problem is making our relation an authentic disaster
Thanks for reading my story, i'm desperate
Hi, Maria,
He controls his gambling, not you. You can't make him gamble and you can't make him stop.
What good things does he offer you? Do you want someone who will love you, look after you, really care about you? Is he doing all this? Or is he just taking from you all the time? Dragging you into debt? Stealing from you? Blaming you for what isn't your fault? Causing you stress?
You can't change what he does but you can change what you let him get away with. Your choices are about what you do, what you tolerate.
Take care,
CW
It's not your fault, you are not to blame, sadly you can't help him either, he has to help himself. Tighten up the financial security, call gam are or come to a gam anon meeting and keep talking it through, talking to people who understand is a real breath of fresh air when your head and heart are full of gamblers lies and confusions. Keep talking
Hi,
Many thanks for your comments, much appreciate. It's not an easy situation but still i have hope he wants to try to solve his problem. I can feel he is shouting in silence to receive help.
I'm going to get some counselling and I will try my best convince him to come with me. It's so frustrating to see how he is making his life so miserable
Sure, but he has to accept the help. Fine if he will but don't keep trying to change what you can't change if he won't.
Take care,
CW
And what can i do if he doesn't want to change ?
That's the problem. You can't make him change. I ignored suspicions and it was a mistake.
So it comes back to what you do, what you put up with. Do you stay whilst he gambles, pay for more than you should whilst he gambles, take out loans and credit whilst he gambles, put up with him not being nice to you whilst he gambles? I don't recommend it but only you can decide.
If you give him an ultimatum that you won't stay unless you see him doing what it takes for recovery, then be prepared to see it through. Idle threats won't help.
No easy answers. That's why you need support for you.
CW
Hi,
You are right, it's not an esasy answer at all. Yesterday i spoke with him. His words were: i know i have a problem but i don't want help from anybody.
It's very sad to see all this situation..
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