Hi I'm really new to this and I'm looking for any advice. My boyfriend got himself into debt at Christmas with loan companies due to his gambling and my parents gave him a loan to pay his debts off. He promised me that he would close all of his accounts with the sites he used and that he wouldn't go back to using any loan companies again. He's now just told me that he's been gambling again and that he's gotten himself into a load of debt. I'm not sure what to do, I don't want to end the relationship but I'm not sure if he's willing to change and if we stay together whether he'll just keep gambling and losing money which then means I end up having to pay all of the bills which puts financial strain on me. What are the ways that I can support him? And should I give him the ultimatum that he gets help or I'll leave him or would that do more harm than good? Sorry for rambling and any advice would be really helpful.
Hey Brown eyed girl. Dont feel like you have to keep digging him out of the trouble he's got himself into. He's a gambling addict and will continue to do so and will say whatever anyone else needs to hear to get money or to make them believe he's stopped. He needs help from a counsellor. You obviously care about him but you also need to think of yourself and the others around you that it is affecting. I'm here if you need to chat.
sit down with him and have a good honest chat about it. he needs to find out what got him into gambling in the first place. he does need help from a counsellor, so ask him if he is willing to get the help he needs to stop it. it can be done but he needs to be willing to give up for good. with your help and support i am sure he will. the best way to deal with this terrible addiction is to be honest about it. take control of the finances. good luck.
Thank you both for your advice. I'm going to try to talk with him later on and to try to work something out with him as I really don't want to give up on him or our relationship. I think just getting him to agree to see someone would be a big step in the right direction as at least then he would be acknowledging that he has a problem.
Hi brown eyed girl you need to get help for you. If you are going to live with a compulsive gambler you need to get strong and learn how to protect yourself, not be fooled. Gamanon offer support to family and friends who are affected by gambling. Don't underestimate the power of addiction and how it can changes a person. Addicts are great liars and gambling is easily hidden if they choose to continue.
He definetely needs to acknowledge that there is a problem, and its a very very serious problem. He needs to get help right now, before it gets worse. just like you, someone believed in me once and I am very grateful. Maybe talk to him about this forum? let him read how much gambling has destroyed lives. however, its never too late for anyone who wants to give up and search for help. good luck
If he doesn't want to stop he won't and there is nothing you can do to make him. A gambler who won't stop can and does make their own and everyone around them's life a complete misery.
Think about you, what you want, need and deserve. Think about how you want to live. You're right to suspect it's you who will end up keeping the household ship afloat if he won't stop.
Thank you all for your advice. He has agreed to go and see a counsellor and he's also decided it would be best if I have total control over his finances so hopefully this may be the step in the right direction and he can get the help that he needs with his addiction.
Hey, this is exactly the same situation I am in. Only I’ve kicked him out and told him not to contact me. I’m so so so low. He tells me he’s getting help, like he was earlier on in the year but they obviously wasn’t helping. I understand how you feel x
This is a terrible terrible disease just like Cancer! people needs to realise that, and look at this like a life and death issue. firstly, come clean to your loved ones, close all the sites and hand finance control to your wife, boyfriend, husband whoever the bill payer maybe. secondly, look for help and take a day at time. it can be done but you have to take steps towards that with actions not words. big hugs to you all
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