Hey everyone, ive been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for a year (about 70 miles between us) we see each other most weekends and whenever we can during the week which is not often with kids/work etc. My Bf left my house last night and text me when he got home saying we had to talk he told me he had gambled his whole wage on the train home leaving himself with absolutely nothing for the rest of the month, I knew there was some gambling issues but had absolutely no idea just how serious his problem is. He told me every Thursday he was taking his younger sister to meetings for anxiety but it turns out he’s been attending GA the whole time we’ve been together and I had no idea! (He’s also been betting this whole time too) He told me everything last night, we both have kids from previous relationships there’s only months between them and they get on great so a few months ago we decided to book a holiday for the 4 of us for May I sent him £600 which was myself and my daughters half and he told me the holiday was booked and told the kids who are so excited but I’ve now found out that no holiday was booked and he gambled the £600 I gave him, I don’t know what to do I’m absolutely devastated for myself and the girls 🙁 he said he has put his parents through this before and is now going to have to cause them more heartbreak this week by telling them again. I’ve given him so much money over the past year and I feel so stupid for not realising how serious it was but he was honestly so good at lying and hiding it all! I really Want to be there to help him, am I mad for staying with him :(!? I love him and even though he has lied, betrayed and manipulated me I know he does love me too, I’m glad he’s told me everything now and he’s looking to change but it absolutely terrifies me that he’s been here before and got help then went back to gambling again 🙁 I feel like our whole relationship has been a lie and I feel totally numb and lost. Thanks to anyone who reads and replies, ANY help or advice would be greatly appreciated. x
I can not imagine how you must feel. I am a cg ( compulsive gambler) and I can imagine using money that was supposed to go for other things. Lying surly is a natural outcome of this addiction so I can at least say that it's not THAT personal as far as being lied to because cg's will lie to themselves friends and loved ones. Many cg's borrow or steal money. You are involved with a cg that coped to his behaviors and choices and risked how you might respond. He told you the truth. I hear that because he went back to gambling before it makes you fearful athough you both dearly love each other. Gosh, the hurt is real and as I said , I can't imagine how you must feel. And the addiction is REAL. One big truth is that lots and lots of help is available to both the cg and the family and friends. So if you are into continuing with the relationship there is a huge amount of hope that things will change for the better. Sometimes when a loved on is involved it is a impetus for change and healing. I hope that others will post some comments too. .. for you. All the best and stay strong. Feel what you need to because there is alot to feel about. take care. tara2
Hi I'm sorry you're here but here is a good place to be. So if you want to continue you need to stop giving him money. Anything needs paying for or booking you do it. No joint accounts. Secure your finances. It doesn't sound like he's listening at his GA meeting. Can you get to a gamanon meeting? You need to find out how to cope and deal with a cg. Not be manipulated, learn to say 'no'. Don't pay his debts. Call gamcare. Ask lots of questions here.
Thank you both so much! The replies really mean a lot!! I’m glad I came here for some help. I have already let him know I’ll not be sending him ANY money at all which he agrees to and thinks it is for the best too, he did also tell me at his GA meetings he has been missing meetings, arriving late and most of all not following the program, I looked last night at gamanon meetings near me they’re a bit far from me but I’m going to try my best to go along to one. When he tells his parents this week he will hand all his bank cards etc over to his dad to keep for him (he did this before but begged his dad to give him them back and led his dad on thinking he could trust him again :(!) I know I need to be there for him just now as he’s really low and he’s absolutely dreading his GA meeting on Thursday as he also has to come clean to the people in the group too, it will be hard for him but for the best I think 🙁 Still doesn’t feel real if im honest. Thanks again! Xx
I hear you. I doesn't feel real. Is that what you said. I know. It's like a bad dream for both the gambler and the friends and family. I often can hardly believe my compulsive gambling history , it's like one long bad dream. I'm happy that your boyfriend has found a way to be honest with you and family and that he's going back to his meetings. Nice that he has some connections there. I do a refuge recovery group. It's a little different. I also like this site & I too just got a whole lot more honest. thx. tara2
Yeah I can see how terrible he feels it’s so sad I’ve never seen him so low 🙁 nice that you do the group and yes the website has definitely helped me! Will let you know how Thursdays meeting goes for him.
If someone sent me 600 pounds I maybe would think I can gamble just 50 of that. I will pay it back next week when I get paid.I lose the 50 and a downward spiral takes place, a trigger switched in my brain. I gamble all the money. I didn't mean to hurt anyone despite I really should have known better.
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