This is my first time posting here so excuse if I am rambling. I may not even finish this post.Writing things down - well it is hard.My hubby has gambled for nearly 2 decades.He started on horses but now it is the slots online.He has lost huge sums of money.He stays up to all hours during night gambling. I have confronted him in the past and been met with anger , accusations - I nag him too much etc .Now he says he is gambling to get money to get out of debt.I have young children and it is a struggle to afford them shoes etc.He managed a 6 month free spell last year and relapsed.Blamed me and said that I had not praised him enough for not gambling. I thought if I mentioned it that I would sound patronising or cause him to think of gambling again. I am financially dependent on him as don't work. In the past he has admitted he has a problem but refuses to seek help .He won't even look up the forum on here.Gamcare organised counselling for me but I couldn't afford the petrol to get there . I want to talk to him again but he gets so angry and I get scared. I have given him numbers for stepchange ,Cab but he does nothing, I feel it will never end. I stay because of kids . I just don't know what to do.
Hi LMC, call the helpline again. I'm sure I've read that they can organise counselling online!
It's easy for us to find someone to blame, otherwise we have to admit our mistakes are our own & then own them. Anger is commonplace but as his wife & as a mother you must not accept unreasonable behaviour or behaviour that puts you or your child in danger.
0808 2000 247 is the National Donestic hotline if the link doesn't work:
http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/
If he isn't prepared to accept he has a problem & get help, there is nothing you can do to persuade him otherwise I'm afraid. Is there not a family member or a loved one that can help you?
Apols, it won't let me write on that anymore...
Or a GamAnon meeting nearby? I'm sorry I can't give you more hope but it's a hopeless situation living with us when we're active & just because he is supporting you now doesn't mean he will always be able to as this is a progressive disease.
You need to stop trying to fix him & use your strength to get help for yourself to figure out how to move forwards - ODAAT
Hi LMC
If it's your fault it's not his. That's the way a CG's logic works along with blaming anything and everything for 'making' them gamble. Truth is just as nothing you've said or done has caused him to gamble so there's nothing you can say or do to make him stop until he wants to and until he does, you are right. It won't end.
Getting so angry you're scared of him is abuse. No-one can tell you what to do but please think hard about what if anything you are getting out of this relationship and then think further about what you want and deserve both for you and the children.
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