New to all this

Hi I am new I have a problem with gambling and I am so scared I will lose my family . I have lied and taken money it is all in te open now and I feel relief but I am so scared I have messed everything up for nothing. I need help and I need my family.

anyone like tot talk

Sunflower high five. My cooker is broken, so we've had fish n chips too. Whatever happens, and we never know as you point out, the most important thing is that we know how to be happy in ourselves while it happens. Good days can be like gold dust when we first find out about problems like the ones we face, but there's many more good days to come, well done you and Thankyou for your friendship too.

Jamie You're scared, of course you are but its out in the open so you can only go forward. You need to talk to others who have been where you are now. My husband was suicidal & has got so much support from GA groups. Please find one. Do it now. It will help you & show your family that you want to stop this. My heart goes out to you & your family x

Jamiec get your back side to GA and commit to the program, no more lies, show plenty of love, your family have missed you and missed out on a lot, it's time to give to them and enjoy your new way of life. They will need more time to adjust to the new you than you do, it will take time for them to find some peace. Bucket loads of calm and patience from you, and commitment to recovery, one day at a time and see how you go. Some relationships make it, many don't, so be grateful for every day. And post to the other areas of the forum too, the CGs here are full of support and advice, many of them have made it work.

Pangolin, those fish & chips were yummy ! The wine is slipping down nicely & we've settled down to watch a film although I'll probably do my usual trick of falling asleep half way through & then wake up as it ends. Broken cooker= no cooking so make the most of it!

Things were calmer over the weekend & we went out on Saturday & enjoyed some fresh air which did us both good. For a few hours the dark cloud lifted & the subject of money or gambling didn't dominate the day although I did find myself checking every time he looked at his phone in case he was up to no good. Yesterday was a mixed day & by the eveniOng his mood was pretty bad & I started getting the brunt of it. I didn't "let him" in though , I'm not indulging his moods & anger although I understand that he's struggling. He caused this, not me so I'm not being dragged down with his guilt.

I'm going to my first GA meeting tonight but I'm not sure what to expect. What if I don't feel like talking? Can I just listen? At the moment I feel quite strong & im keeping it together but if I start talking I'm afraid I'll slip backwards.

Sunflower, does he have blockers on his phone? Is it still possible for him to gamble on it? A CG can't be trusted and bad moods can mean a guilty conscience. Not saying that every grumpy CG is active but irrational bad moods are worrying.

It's no good all round for you to be stressed every time he gets his phone out. You need as many safeguards as required to be reassured and comfortable. It's for him to make you comfortable and if you're not totally reassured that his phone is blocked, he will have to reassure you some other way, ultimately by downgrading to a non Internet handset. My husband has never had an Internet phone, even when gambling, he knew it wasn't good for him. For the youngsters, it's another matter, they have an image to maintain.

Take care,

CW

I realised after I read your post CW that that he can't gamble on his phone as its a company phone & it's checked regularly so that's a relief. He's got his laptop but I'm checking the bank account daily to see if any card payments have been made. He's hardly been on it but I'm still wary when he is. Thanks for the advice x

Hi sunflower

about your meeting, when I went to mine they didn't expect me to speak and I sat and listened for half of the meeting. Then they came to me and invited me to speak but there was no pressure. I thought it was gonna be really hard but actually was fine when I got going! I shed a tear but I wasn't a complete mess. I know it's really scary to walk into that room but I think you will find it really worthwhile. Wishing you all best.

How did you get on? Not too many Kleenex needed I hope!

Like you I listened for the first part but before I knew it I was talking about what had happened with my husband. I did shed a tear or two but it didn't matter somehow. The other members were lovely & we actually laughed a bit which was good. Very warm, honest & supportive people & im glad I went.

I can't believe it's 4 weeks tomorrow since "Black Tuesday" as I call it. I've gone from desperation, sadness , anger, hatred ... The list of emotions just goes on & I couldn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. One point that a few of you have made has given me hope & that is that when your family member has started to make steps along the road to recovery you can see the "person they used to be" emerging again. Over the last couple of years My husband has been a really difficult man to live with & I really didn't know if I coulld cope with his moods, his attitude towards me & his lack of interest in life. I thought it was my fault. In the last few days I've seen glimpses of the man he really is again, he's a man with an addiction but he's trying to beat it. He's still moody but less aggressive , we're talking more openly than we have for years & we're listening to each other . Actually, he's listening to me which is a huge step forward! Its early days & there's a long long way to go. Trust is & always will be a problem but I'm calmer & feeling stronger than I was even before this all came out. Maybe we can get through this, only time will tell. Talking on here has been a life saver! Thank you , thank you , THANK YOU xxx

I'm glad you went. Keep talking 🙂