I'm not even sure where to even begin? I'm married to a CG and we have been separated for about 3 months now, but that may be changing soon. I am the one that moved out. I just couldn't continue living with things the way they were. This seems to be a recurring theme, but my wife has racked up thousands of dollars in credit card debt that we now can't afford to pay. Her gambling seems to have taken over my life. It's all I can seem to think about lately. She sneaks off to the casino when she is supposed to be at work. She has confessed this to me a few times, but I now can't help but think how many times she has gone that I don't know about. The savings account is all but wiped out and our future is very uncertain.
I don't know what to do. She wants me to just move back home and start over, and part of me wants that too. But I don't think I can trust her just yet, or ever. I have protected myself by getting my own bank account. And luckily 90% of the credit cards were in her name. She has reluctantly begun going to GA meetings and has only attended 3 so far. I know we have a long road ahead of us, if we can actually stay married, but things need to change.
If I go back I hope to have full disclosure. I need to know exactly how bad things are. Is it wrong or bad of me to ask to see her credit report, or to ask for full control of our finances?
Thank you bluescreen. I really appreciate your input. I feel like I am going crazy at times and can't even trust my own judgment. I am going to my first gam anon meeting tonight, so hopefully I will get a better outlook on this matter.
how did gam-anon go?
Hi bedo88 it's good to see you taking things seriously and going to a meeting. The best thing to do is keep going, no matter whether it's uncomfortable, you will learn so much. I found going to meetings without my husband who is the gambler, unsettled him. He knew I would get strength, support and knowledge from others in my situation. If you go back home it's your terms, rules and limits. If you want to control the money that's the deal, no compromise. My cg supplies a receipt for everything. I control bank accounts, he has no credit cards. Let her negotiate her own debt repayment. This is forever and they will try and convince you they're cured, won't do it again. This is a tough addiction to beat, and it has huge effects on partners too. Look after you, be strict, mean it, no empty threats.
Hi
Credit reports and full control of the finances were the first things I insisted on. It's non-negotiable IMO so don't feel bad for asking. I see receipts and open any of Mr L's post I don't like the look of. If she's serious about stopping she will comply with everything you need to feel secure and understand why you can't trust her.
Thanks for all the encouraging posts. I went to my first gam anon meeting last night and it was the best thing I have done throughout this whole ordeal. I finally met people who actually get it. I listened to about situations far worse than my own, and gained a whole new perspective on my own situation. I have actually felt like I was crazy lately, but I am not. I've just been manipulated the last few years. I highly recommend gam anon to anyone that has a family member who is a CG. It was well worth the hours drive it took me to get there.
That's great, now you will get strong. Better or worse is irrelevant it's an emotional illness, amounts don't come into it. It's the damage it does. Getting support is vital. Keep going!
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