Hi, my partner of almost 10 years is a gambling addict. I found out about this around 4 years ago, when he admitted he'd got himself into £4000 of debt gambling, and that he'd done it before, before I met him. Both times his parents paid his debts off. When I found out, he was desperate to stop, and was supposedly putting everything into place (counselling, which he didn't like, gamban ect, he got rid of his phone, and paying his parents back monthly.) he stuck to this, and as far as I was aware, wasnt gambling anymore. However, a couple of days ago he informed me he's spent the past year gambling again, going to bookies this time, then using websites that bypass gamban ect. He's in 10000 of debt. We have a house together, a just turned one year old son, and I've been on maternity, so have used my savings nearly paying towards the house and son, until I find a new job in the new year as we discussed. I can't even look at him, I feel so broken and lost, scared I'm going to lose everything, I can't do it all again, but I can't support my son alone too. What do I do?Â
Hello Dani,
Welcome to our GamCare Forum and thank you for sharing.
From what you share it seems that you are experiencing a lot of over whelming emotions from your partner’s gambling. If you haven’t already then it might be a good idea to speak to someone close to you, a friend or family member who can help support you with this as going through and trying to understand all of this on your own can be a lonely place to be in.
It may also be that you would like more peer-to-peer support from others on this platform who are in similar situations. For that along with this forum space we also run a family, and friends affected by Gambling Harms live chatroom which runs every week on Thursdays between 7-8pm, UK time. Reading other’s stories and attending the live chats can help you connect with others and hopefully you are able to feel supported - You are not alone; we are here to support you too.
Here at GamCare, we also provide a 1 to 1 approach in supporting you explore your situation and reflect on this with a gambling practitioner. We encourage you to contact us through to our helpline or online chat to speak to one of our advisers for debrief on the situation and help with accessing this support on 0808 8020 133 or here: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/ (both open 24/7).
Best wishes,
Brielle
Forum Admin
I don't really have many words of advice because I am in a similar situation to you but I just wanted to let you know that I've read this and that you're not alone.Â
All I will say, is that I kept telling myself that I couldn't do it alone either but the reality is that I the whole time he'd been paying back debts it's me that has kept the bills paid and family fed. I was doing it alone in practice anyway.
I forgave, I tried to help and all I got in return was betrayed again. Us mums are stronger than we realise sometimes and you will get through this.Â
Thankyou for making me feel less alone.Â
In truth at this very moment, I don't have any income at all, and haven't for the last 6 months, so I actually can't afford the bills and everything alone at this moment. He just gets loans on top of loans to pay each of them off, then when it gets too much, he's in some ways fortunate his parents just pay all his debt off for him. I just can't see a way out for myself and my little boy, we'd be penniless and end up loosing my grandparents house, as the mortgage wouldn't get paid.Â
I am tired of forgiving and getting betrayed again though, I know that much. Thankyou. Hope you get through the struggles too.Â
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