My partner of 11 months, has a gambling problem on and off. I have known about it since I started seeing him and he does it every now and again. In October, he had a new bank card sent through as his previous card had expired and he took it upon himself to take it. His mum has been managing his finances up until then but even she has been taking money out of his account to pay for household bills, holidays etc. His step dad had a gambling problem too and he only bets every now and again but seems to be able to control it. My partner went out and blew all the money in his account which was about £500+ at the time. He went into debt by nearly £600 and has been paying it off since and he is now in credit. I now manage his financies as he begged me to take his card from his mum and look after it for him. He has been really good and hadn't gambled in over a month and he has been working all the hours he can even to the point of exhausting himself to build up his money but he told me Monday that the night before he saw one of his closest friends that also gambles and they went gambling together and they blew his friend's wages! He then owed him £140 which he paid back straight away as he was in credit. He seems to be okay when he isn't around his friend but as soon as he sees him, he starts lying and gambling. I ignored him for the rest of the day and we are talking every now and then but it isn't like how it used to be. I really don't know what to do. I know he isn't as bad as some people on here but he is trying to save up for a place for himself and then hopefully we would move in together later on in the year. My family now want me to dump him as he has made me unhappy again through gambling but I feel he has no real support from his family. I love him so much but it is affecting me. Currently, I have told him not to see me for the rest of the week so he isn't tempted to ask me for money from his account and to get a few things sorted first. He is in the process of banning himself from the betting shops and I have told him that he needs to decide what is more important to him, me and his family or his gambling friend. He has told me that he isn't going to see his friend and that he is going to go to work and keep his head down. Is there anything else I can do? He has admitted that he has a problem and would like help but I think he needs some guidance. Do I stay with him or should I leave him? Please help me.
Hi Leanne I just want to answer to give some support. I am the problem gambler my situation, not the partner of the problem gambler. I had a couple of comments regarding your post in a couple of ideas for you. For one you say that he is not as bad as some of the people on here yet, and that is probably true, but trust me when I say that gambling illness is a progressive disease and will continue to get worse and worse and worse if he does not find a way to stop now.
Better to stop the at the phase he is at now. Before it gets much worse it will be even harder to stop then. I speak from personal experience, and from learning and reading about gambling, to help myself to stop. And from talking other problem gamblers. So I'm 100% certain it will get worse and worse if he doesn't stop now, and it will be much harder to stop further into it.
Also, if I were you, I would show him your post on here ; you posted it to try to get help for him. And I would show him my response, and any other responses you get from problem gamblers, who I'm sure will also tell you that this will get worse and worse and worse and be even harder to stop if not impossible to stop doing in the future. Your loved one needs to hear that.
One thing that might help him if he's not ready to start counseling yet is to just read posts on here every day that's why I would bring him to the site and show him how to get on and read it .
just reading about other people's experiences what has worked for them, what horrible things of happened to them from gambling, has helped everyone on here and I know it will help him .
stay strong .good luck.
Thank you for your reply. I feel bad as there are other people on here in a worse situation but it is still an addiction at the end of the day, regardless of how much they gamble. Is there anything else I should be doing? One minute I feel like I've done everything I can and then another minute, I feel like I'm missing something and there's something I haven't done.
Hi Leanne44,
Welcome to the forum, and well done for posting here.
From your post, it seems like your husband is well aware of his gambling problem, and seemed to be making effort here and there to control it but, still struggling to overcome it.
To answer your questions as what else you can do to help and support him, perhaps it would be helpful to him if you can encourage him to contact us for more direct help and support. We can advice him on strategies and boundaries that he can put in place to help him overcome his problematic gambling. Additionally, we can offer him 12 sessions of free counselling, and nearest to where he lives if he thinks that would help to overcome his gambling problem. Unfortunately, we cannot offer him counselling through you; he has to speak to us first.
It would also be helpful if you can make him aware that gambling problem gets worse if you don’t do anything about it, and it can easily get out of control. Trying to overcome it by yourself is very difficult for most people; you need professional help to do that.
Also, you can again encourage him to read the postings from our chatroom/ forum, and that would make him realise that he’s not alone in this, that other people have been in his shoes and have worked through to overcome it. Thus it’s doable, and your partner would also be able to overcome his problem gambling if he follows the advice on strategies being offered him here.
Pls. do look after yourself and your finances too, and try and stay in touch with us for more help and support.
Maybe, both of you would like to contact us via our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers. We’re open everyday from 8.00am to midnight.
Thank you again for your post, and pls. keep posting.
Best wishes,
Beatrice
Thank you so much for your reply. I will speak to my boyfriend soon and see if he is willing to do this. I'm hoping he will commit to it as he can't carry on the way he is going. I really don't want to see him getting worse.
Do we contact you for the free counselling sessions through this website?
Leanne
Hi Leanne44
Yes you can contact us so we can refer you for counselling or you can contact the counselling service in your area directly if you prefer. Details of the areas where you can access the free counselling are on our website under Support and Counselling and Face to Face Counselling.
All the best
Forum Admin
Im in same situation my bf he lies about what he owes money i cant cope anymore
Thank you Gamcare.
Hi pandoras-lost. Is your bf a heavy gambler? You are not alone. I found the advice on here amazing! 🙂 xx
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