Having a really down day to day. Feel empty and sad.
We went to an interim court hearing the other day. Out of £36k redundancy money my husband has spent £18k already, most setting up his 'new life' and the rest more than likely gambled away. He did win some money gambling too!
He still refuses to see or talk to me. Constantly arguing about him seeing the kids. I'm just so numb. I've tried to keep it together but I am just breaking down all the time. I am stuck in the wanting our family to work and him get help - and he is just in a new world doing his own thing.
How he is going to manage running a house and paying bills when he still gambles I dont know. Maybe his rock bottom will come from that, I don't know.
I just feel completely powerless in my life at the moment. How do we co-parent if he won't talk to me, how will he know how upset the kids are about everything if he won't talk to me, how will any of us get our life on track if he won't talk to me.
I know he doesnt want to hear anything I have to say, I blame where we are entirely on his gambling and I guess he doesnt want to hear that. He doesnt think thats the reason maybe?
I am going to the doctors next week, after years of this I need anti-depressants or something just to take the edge off this massive gapping hole of sadness. Even that is funny. His gambling is affecting my health and sanity, and he is absolutely fine!
Work is really busy at the moment, but I dont want to be there, its not taking my mind off anything, in fact its worse because I am constantly thinking about him there. I just want to curl up into a ball and stay there until my life is better one way or the other.
How can someone I love so much, someone I have based my whole life around, supported through everything, treat me like this? I am just about managing to stay a decent parent. I haven't let my kids down . The world on my shoulders and he's seemingly happy??!!
I think I would let go. Single parent midset, look after yourself and the kids and let go of letting this person have so much influence over your happiness.
At some point he will need to talk about practical things and then he will have to approach you, until then let him make a mess of it for himself.
Secure yourself and your children and let go of anything you are hoping for from him.
Out the other side of this process is some happiness.
Come to a gam anon meeting, or speak to the helpline, organise some counselling for you, for your own benefit, you have been through so much and been so strong, time for some tlc for yourself.
Thanks for the responses. Feeling slightly better today. I've blocked all communication from him now so incan't send him anything and he can't respond with nastys. I think at the moment that is the only thing i can do to keep any form of sanity until i have counselling (been referred by gamcare so just waiting an appointment).
At some point i expect i will have a letter from the courts or from his solicitor so need to get ready for that.
I am clearly the only one that thinks we are where we are because of his gambling, he cant even see that it has dominated all our lives this past 10 years. What planet is he on?
I am probably going to go through a range of emotions and ups and downs so please bare with me. He doesnt want to be here, he doesnt want to change so i have nothing i can actually fight for anyway. I just have to somehow protect my sanity and keep doing what i am doing with the kids. They arent actually that phased by the fact he's not here so when it comes to them what am i so worried about?
Hello Marker it sounds like you are doing the best you can do under very difficult circumstance and i can see from your posts that you are getting help with your G.P and soon to start counselling through a counselling partner with Gamcare. There is also other help for friends and family with gamanon http://gamanon.org.uk if you need further help with regards to the courts and the letter you are expecting please look at citizens advice link https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/ as there may be help and support that they can give if you need it Marker. Please keep posting.
Caroline
well done, the better day was a big step forward, i know theres little ones back, but youre doing well.
personally i wouldnt bother getting prepared for letters from courts or anything horrible. it will happen or it wont. if it happens, no amount of worrying now will change it, so dont worry, just deal with it on the day. if it doesnt happen, then there is absolutley no point worrying. let it go, lay on the floor and play with the kids, have an ice cream dinner, paint your toenails, all these things are infinitely better for your state of mine than worrying about him.
keep talking
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