Hi there,
I don’t really know how to word this other than my heart is broken by my now ex partner. He’s relapsed again and he’s become so cold and distant. Saying I make him miserable, he’s so unhappy and that he doesn’t love me.
I knew he was relapsing months ago but he doesn’t know I know his behaviours. He’s been so cold to me but when I’ve raised is something wrong he would say no. He’s been so late for rent for months and I eventually said enough is enough as it comes out my account. He admitted he has been gambling again. I tried to be supportive but said I wasn’t helping financially. He said he didn’t want my help.
I encouraged him to download the gam stop tool which he did but won’t go to meetings. I tried to help him work out his monthly finances but he snapped saying no, as I was catching on to massive gaps in his story. ie lots of missing money.
After this, he’s been really nasty to me. I again asked what was wrong and he’s now said he’s miserable and left me after 9 years. He’s ran away to his flat leaving me to sort out our rented house. I now have to move into a house share while he’s in his own flat with friends/family nearby and im 3 hours away.
How can he be so cold?! Is there hope for us, or is it possible I’m kidding myself there’s no link to gambling and he is just done? 9 years is a long time and I don’t want to throw it away, but I deserve better 🙁
Thank you!
I have been the other person. And honestly you become so selfish. But you do realise and it does hurt and there is guilt x
please do what you need to do for you first. The rest is extra x
you deserve better x
but all we need is that one person there to help x
im sorry ? you’re going through this xx
much love ?
Hi i really don’t have any advice or help because im going to a similar struggle…my partner is gambling yet again and im so low. It’s horrible the lies just keep coming and he minimises everything…it’s ok I have it under control..your nagging me.. I will sort it ..I wish you would trust me!!! That last one is probably the worse ! How the hell can you trust?? They become beyond selfish and In their own world.. I really hope you’re ok it’s sickening reading some of the stories and how this addiction is destroying them and everything around them. Xx
Hi
Thank you for your honesty and sharing.
Sadly the pain and trauma your partner is suffering was with him long before you met him.
Every time he came out of a gambling estbalishment he was even more traumatized and filled with pains.
He is a person filled with pains and fears and he is trying to make you feel guilty for who he is and what he ahs done.
Because he is filled with guilt shame and filled with pains and fears and is always on the edge of emotional instability he is is transfering his pains and fears on to you and other.
You have trusted him and he ahs betayed your trust and caused you to doubt your self.
Untill he gets hnest with him self he is unable to get honest with you.
The addictions and obsessions is he his way of escaping in panic his fears and trauma.
He has been so cold to you because he is filled with paisn that he is tranfering on to you.
Let him know that when he is ready to take recovery seriouslyt hat you will go and support him.
Untill that time he is making yoru life far to painful.
He he is not able to be accountable to him self.
So he is not able to be accountable to you or others.
When he is trumatized with pain he is not able to aerticulate his feelinsg and emotions to you.
Him being really nasty to you is him trying to transfer his pains fear and frsutrations on to you.
With out him taking the recovery program seriously there hope for both of you.
You are a loving person.
Sadly he is unable to love him self so he si unable to love you.
Being in pain and suffering and being betrayed 9 years is long eough.
You certainly deserve healthier and better ?
Love and peace to you and every one.
Dave L
Hi,
I’m new here, I chose to join the group after being with a gambler for four years, I realised how much it is affecting me, I want so much to help him and have tried persuading in all the time we’re together. He is still reluctant to help himself so I chose to get the support instead, as believe me we need it family don’t seem to understand my struggle.
I can relate so much to your words about trust, I’ll sort it, I’m trying to be better.. I’m sorry, after nearly destroying us and our business sorry just doesn’t cut it xx
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