Hi,
My husband's gambling has recently get out of control. As I look back he was always overspending on fruit machines, scratch cards and online slots but nothing the ever really affected our finances, I never really gave it much thought naively. However in the past six months he has wasted thousands and thousands of pounds in one night, repeatedly. He has spent everything we have saved for our future and now we have nothing. I'm scared I don't know if there's anymore I'm unaware of, credit cards etc. I'm sad that our future has been changed without my say but I'm more upset about how little I feel I can trust him. I don't know when he's lying. I want to believe him but im filled with doubt. I've tried talking to him but I don't want to push him too hard. And make it worse. He's told me im not allowed to tell anyone and the whole thing is eating me up, I can't concentrate at work because I'm constantly worried when I'm not with him. He had admitted he wants to stop but doesn't seem motivated to get any help and seems to think he can manage on his own. I know he just wants me to drop the whole thing. Does it get any better?
Hi Arwen...welcome...I'm so sorry to hear of your pain....I'm the gambler in my relationship...so can only try to see things from your side...give the gamcare line a ring for some great advice....and there are some lovely people on here in they same boat as you...they will soon pop in and say hello I expect..take care
Hello, Arwen,
I'm sorry that this is happening to you, it's a very lonely and dark place to be, been there, and the starting point is to get support and information for yourself. I didn't first time round and it was a mistake.
The first harsh reality is that he's not going to help you and the second is that unchecked, his addiction, his behaviour and the financial mess are going to get worse and worse. You can choose to stay where you are and in the short term you may think that's easier than rocking the boat. But it isn't, because it will all get so much worse. In the absence of a knight in shining armour, you are going to have to help yourself, to reach out and get that support and information so that you can make sensible and informed choices. This forum is a good starting point, do call the helpline and if you can get to GamAnon meetings, you'll get support from people who've been there. Can you tell a human being, a relative or friend?
The basics: he chooses whether to gamble and he chooses between gambling and recovery. Nothing that you say or do "makes" him choose gambling, there is no failure or lack in you. He has an gambling addiction, therefore unchecked, he gambles. You can inhibit the gambling (eg by refusing to pay for it) or you can facilitate it (by constantly clearing up the mess and bailing him out). But the final choice about gambling is his. Your choices are about what you tolerate, what you do or don't pay for, whether you want to live this way. Big choices, which require help, support and accurate information.
Hope this helps, look after yourself, keep posting.
CW
Welcome to the forum Arwen
It sounds very difficult for you and I am sorry to hear you are 'constantly worried' it may help you to talk things over with one of our advisors. They will be able to listen to your concerns and can give you further information on where to get support for family and friends of problem gambling. Here is a link with some guidelines that may help http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/partners-friends-and-family#.Vq6CBrKLQdU
The helpline is open 8am -midnight daily on 08 08 80 20 133 you can also contact us through the netline http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/netline#.Vq6DF7KLQdU
Keep posting Arwen we are here to support you.
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