Scared new member

Hi srp94,

Hope things are slowly but surely improving for you.

Keep strong, you are in my thoughts.....sending you huge support for you and your partner.

All the best

Ade

Hello everyone, thanks for your comments.

Haven't been able to write about a lot of the week's happenings as we're moving tomorrow (!!) and things have been busy.

Where do I begin. OH still wakes up in the night and counts how many days he's been clean. He had his first counselling session yesterday after work and I know he was really really nervous about what questions he'd be asked.

I picked him up (there's a sainsbury's nearby so I did a bit of shopping!) and he had a huge smile on his face. I was nervous too as I had visions of him getting in the car and saying "what a waste of time. I hate that guy and I can't talk to him" but it was the complete opposite.

He described the counsellor and said how nice and relaxing he was and how he felt really comfortable talking to him. They spoke about OH's gambling habits, i.e. mainly online (football bets and then feeding winnings, and some!, into the casinos) and OH said the counsellor was impressed that he was on day 15 already.

I wish there was a way that I could then speak to the counsellor and question if he really did say the next few things, not that I don't trust OH, but I just don't want him feeding me a story of the counsellor not thinking that his problem is that severe whereas really that may not be how the session went at all. - But, OH then said the counsellor remarked at how apparent it was that OH really wanted to kick this addiction and how he thought he could do it. I'm not sure if there was any mention of OH not having any access to money - I completely forgot to ask but will check tonight.

Basically, OH came away making it seem like the counsellor accepted he has a problem, but not the severity of it. Apparently the counsellor also asked why OH wasn't interested in going in the bookies not even to just put down a 'small bet'. I called it out straight away and said I knew the counsellor wouldn't (in not quite such clear terms) encourage him to gamble, not even a penny because it'll soon add up and I'm not going to stand for that.

OH used to really enjoy going to Cheltenham and said he never really saw it as gambling in the same way that he got hooked on online games. He says he always saw it as more of a weekend with his best friends and putting a few bets on was a secondary concern. Not sure if I trust that, I know for a fact that I will never trust him again with any form of betting, so if he ever wanted to go to the races in future I would give him minimal money and if he blows it he blows it.

He says he knows that even the smallest bet would therefore mean he would lose me and our daughter. I've made that quite clear - I can't bring her up in an environment where we'd struggle. He says he has been completely clean (no online, no bookies, nothing) for 15 days (this was yesterday so today we're on 16) and he's going to keep it that way. He doesn't want to gamble at all any more.

Sorry if I'm rambling. I don't think OH made himself quite clear yesterday with some of the things he was saying he discussed and so in my head I'm wondering to myself whether they spoke about X, Y or Z or whether the counsellor can see the severity of the situation. Ok, we're not in any debt but OH has still blown so much money.

Baby and I had our 6 week doctor's check up yesterday, all good. I did want to vent to him about all of this stuff. There are some parts of the day where I cry and cry because I feel like I can't cope and I want to run away somewhere, but then other times I feel amazingly strong and happy and comfortable. I wanted to mention how low I sometimes feel, I really did, but I didn't want to start explaining the long and the short of OH's gambling and in the long run I know we'll be ok, so for now I'll get through these tough times. I just hate these mood swings.

Anyway, I'm fine. About to have a snack, get little one settled and catch up on some diaries. Hope everyone is doing brilliantly.

Thanks for all your support.

Hi,

Thank you for your message and for the encouragement. I really appreciate it. Glad to hear that all is well with yourself and the baby. Good luck with the house move tomorrow. Take care.

Dave