My partner has fluttered with gambling for as long as I have known him. Sports bets have never had an issue with however online slots are his issue.
He was previously alcohol dependant but has not drank since May 2021 after a life threatening illness, he has done amazing at the not drinking & I am so proud of him for it, however he has replaced one addition with another.
The compulsive gambling with online slots started in March 2022, for the past 18 months there have been periods of spending every last penny on slots & periods when he’s not so bad. It all came to a head in 2 months ago when he lost a lot of money, became suicidal & the police were called due to a concern for his welfare, we had an intervention with his sister & brother in law & in his words he had “hit rock bottom & never wanted to go there again”. We set boundaries for no slots, if he was to go on slots then our relationship would be over & he would have to move out. If he wanted to carry on with slots then he had the choice to leave & do what he wished… basically the ultimatum was slots or me. He did do well to begin with, but I knew deep down that he was not ready to stop, he did well because he thought he had to, not because he wanted to!!
The last couple of weeks he’s been watching YouTube videos of people playing slots (which in my opinion should be banned & are a massive massive trigger for anyone with a gambling addiction!) then surprise surprise back on slots.., I confronted him.. it’s me or slots, he CANNOT have the best of both worlds.
On Saturday we set up Gamstop… I started the registration but did need him to do his “Face ID” to confirm the registration which he did do. However all I have heard since then is that I have ruined his life & taken away everything from him that he enjoyed, so he’s clearly still not ready to stop, it has been forced upon him. He’s been threatening suicide, he’s constantly gaslighting me, threatening to leave but doesn’t.
I can’t go anywhere. I own the house we live in (& pay all the bills!), he has nowhere to go if he leaves. I love him but I hate his addiction. I am well aware that I need to concentrate on myself, our finances are separate, we have no children. I don’t need preaching to about not enabling him & “kicking him out & letting him be homeless & hitting rock bottom”. I’m simply after some advice to see if anyone else had been in a similar situation where Gamstop was activated, the CG hated it but then it did improve after not gambling? Or because he was not fully behind the Gamstop will it only continue to get worse? In which case this truly is the end of the line for us.
Hi there Abbiel123,
Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing with us. It sounds like a very difficult position for you to be in and I’m sorry this is happening to you and your partner.
Firstly, for you: it can be helpful for you to get some support for yourself, you can do this if you ring the National Gambling Helpline 0808 8020 133, you can speak to an advisor and also if you would like to, get some further, longer support from a practitioner, you can ask to be referred for this kind of help and support which will help you navigate what is happening at the moment.
If you’re concerned about how he is behaving towards you currently it can be a good idea to talk it through with a specialist service I need help - information and support on domestic abuse (womensaid.org.uk)
Secondly, your partner can speak to their GP, or the Samaritans Contact Us | Samaritans about his suicidal thoughts, if he feels in danger he can also present at hospital A&E.
Do please continue posting in the forum, there is also a Family and friends affected by gambling harms: Last Tuesday of every month (7pm) Chatrooms - GamCare
All the Best
Jane
Forum Admin
Sounds like you're forcing him to stop more than he wants to stop. You need him to want it.
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