Signs ?

Hi caged bird 

this is how my mind works 

if he borrowed £50k how much did he gamble if that’s the debt?

if he earns good money, £4k bonus and looking at loans? How much has he gambled?

what does helping him entail?

is he in debt again to family?

the advice I would give you is to not help with money, no loans. Support him emotionally if he wants to stop.

the problem with a good job is they think they can afford it and they can get loans.

keep all finance separate.

unfortunately you can’t help until they decide to stop. All money given to a gambler will be gambled. 

you can get advice and support from gamcare if you call them.

i know it sounds harsh and you’ll think he isn’t like that. Gamblers are not bad people but they do lie and hide finances.

Hi Merry,

Thank you for the reply. Our finances are separate, so not much of a worry on that score but emotionally, yes, that’s where I’d like to be there for him; I can’t tell him I’ve looked at his phone again 😓

Hello,

I’m in a very situation. I’ve just discovered Husband been gambling. Been together 29 years two children. I’m devastated. 

I found two bonuses he had received and failed to tell me about. To be paid into his Feb pay. For a long time, a few years I’ve noticed large sums of money being withdrawn from our joint account. I’ve been going out of my mind. I’ve confronted him and he said what has it got to do with me re money. I say everything. Anyway, fast forward to last summer and he stopped his wages being it into joint account. He’s on a very good salary with all the perks. Told me he moved where to stop me snooping and to protect himself . When I mentioned the bonuses he says I’ve ruined everything and I’m abusive and coercive. 
He’s now admitted to gambling and was going to use bonuses to pay off debt. I’m flabbergasted and overwhelmed. My whole relationship has been based on lies. I’ve struggled to work properly due to looking after children and he’s been throwing thousands away. I have no idea where to turn or how to unravel it. I know exactly how you feel. Part of me wants to lay the debt off but then that would be enabling him. He says we have some debt but I believe it’s much more 

I had absolutely no idea how serious this problem is and how many people are going through it .

I can’t carry on and have told husband we will be divorcing. I am broken but to the outside world I have the perfect life 

Hi Caged Bird, I’m Jake a peer supporter volunteer. I have personal experience of supporting some of my close friends with a GA. It sounds like a tricky situation being a bit in the dark at the moment. But its very positive that you are reaching for support.

From my experience, with my friends who had a GA the ‘odd flutter’ (like you mentioned) was very likely to soon escalate unless safeguards were quickly put in place ie. Self-exclusion (Gamstop) or bank blocks. It is important to say, that every person and situation is different, but often if those who gamble are doing it in secret and not being transparent - for me - was often a telltale sign.

Would you like to share how things have been since, and how have you been feeling about this?

But like I said every situation is different, that is what I have experienced. I should also say for you and others on this forum here, that there is some really good support that GamCare offer for affected others, does this feel like this might be of interest to you?

Hope this helps

Take care,

Jake Peer Support Volunteer.