so fed up

HI Mindo,

It is a classic case of deflecting responsibility of his own actions; it is much easier to make you the "bad guy", rather than face his own compuslive behavorial issues.

I was the same; I gambled for twenty years before stopping over five years ago. He knows he has a problem but doesn't want to admit it to himself or the world outside of his own mind. By questioning him (which you have every right to do), you are adding to those fears he has that he truly is out of control.

It is quite common for compuslive gamblers to have other compulsion issues; I drink too much (although not every day), I eat too much, and, when things like the internet first came out, I was using it for twelve hours a day.

If he says he doesn't have a problem, then there shouldn't be any issue proving it, which he has a responsibility to do as he has chosen to be part of a relationship.

Don't be afraid to take some touch measures my friend; others did with me, and I am eternally grateful they made those moves - I wasn't at the time, I was like your partner because I didn't want to believe I had a problem, I didn't want to believe that there was something in life that I couldn't control; also, giving up the habit of a lifetime is quite intimidating; you don't know how to feel, how to react and how to live anymore - you do in time, you learn to live again almost as if gambling never existed, but it needs hard work, a zero tolerance attitude and real commitment to change.

There is nothing wrong with trying and failing, but if he doesn't try, even for your benefit, then you have to question whether he really wants to stop. If he doesn't want to see a counsellor or seek help, then ask him to go with an open mind.

At the end of the day, he has to be practical, and so do you my friend. He can't bury his head in the sand - he has to tackle these issues head-on; he doesn't want to live like this, no-one does, but you cannot ignore the problem either.

JamesP

Hi mindo,

Welcome to the forum, and well done for posting too.

I’m glad that you’ve taken such brave steps to get your husband’s gambling problems off your chest, and also share it with the forum members, and rightly so.

It seems like your husband is trying to distract your attention from his gambling problems by asking you of your priorities. Maybe it’s about time that you let him know how his gambling addiction is impacting on you, and how perhaps increasing your gym time is helping you to control/cope with the stress and anxiety caused by his gambling addiction.

I’ll advise you to look after yourself, and also to keep to your routines (gym included). Try not to be discouraged by your husband’s remarks.

In case your husband is willing and ready to do something about his gambling addiction, perhaps you might think of inviting/ encouraging him to attend the gym with you, to use it to fill his spare time, and also to distract himself from gambling activities.

Make him aware of our forum and the benefits (in the form of advice on strategies and boundaries) he’d gain by reading the postings from there.

Additionally, he can contact our free phone Helpline on 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our specially trained advisers.

Thanks once again for your post, and pls. keep posting.

Best wishes,

Beatrice