Hi all,
So fed up, partner has been gambling for over 4 years now (that i’ve known about). Had bans etc put on account but has always seemed to find a way round it all. Our daughter’s birthday this week and had plans to do things but had to come clean he’s gambled the rest of his wage away. I can’t keep living like this, it’s not fair on our young children especially.
He’s said before he promises he won’t ever do it again etc but obviously keeps doing it. Won’t tell his family he’s still doing it as he doesn’t want to worry them but how is it fair for it to all be on my shoulders?!
Said for so long he needs to get help but never follows through with it or proving he will do it for our young family. I feel mentally drained. It’s not just the never having any money, it’s the mood swings, never really showing an interest in wanting to do anything as a family.
He says i never show him affection back anymore but i just get stressed from it all. I feel like he is guilt tripping me? Does anyone still feel in love with their gambling partners?
Do they ever actually recover?
Hi I am a gambling addict with 8 years of recovery under my belt and 2 years gamble free thus far.
my partner who I met via GA has stuck by me through thick and thin and we now have a daughter together a small flat and I am now supporting her financially for the foreseeable future while she looks after are daughter.
firstly having a gambling addiction is probably the most selfish thing you could have and all you can think about is gambling and you are willing to throw everything away just for the next bet. This can happen if you are single married or have a young family. It’s truly hellish for the gambling addict as well as family.
secondly as a addict you have to come to terms that you have a problem and admitting it is the first step and seeking help for some sort of recovery be it gamcare or GA physical meetings is a good start. Just remember this is a life long addiction so after couple weeks or 10 don’t listen too ohh I am cured now I don’t need support etc etc. That’s a load of bs.
thirdly blocks have to be put in place to prevent relapses, I also put phycological barriers in place that worked for myself but Gambian and banking apps that prevent gambling are best. A raffle is gambling, a lottery ticket is gambling. Trading is gambling. Literally a lot of things are gambling and you have to watch out for deviations on the road to recovery. I hit a load of them myself.
anyways if he says he will never do it again he needs to make a change and not guilt trip you. Guilt tripping is just a way of deflecting the real problem which is his time gambling etc.
he needs a wake up call and better sooner than later for all your sakes.
Just @ me or some forum admin may be able to give some resources to help if you haven’t already found any on the website
dave101
Hi
Being an addict I use to live in so much pain and many fears.
I was unabale to love or respect my self.
Hence I was unable to love or respect other people.
A time came that my wife asked every day if I had gambled.
She said it was nto about the money.
I understand that I use to lie so much to my self and other people because I felt that being honest was just to painful.
Hence the word denial caused so much pains to my family.
It was nto possible to show any emotional intimacy or even affection because I was feeeled with so many pains guilt and shame also.
For me guilt tripping was using many pains to manipulate and control other people.
That is a very unhealthy habit.
There are Gamanon meetings for partners of gamblers.
It is better to find a room that is abale to gives healthy deep down therapies.
The addict often has certain emotional triggers.
My emotional triggers were pains I could not heal.
My emotional triggers were fears I could not face or reduce.
My emotional triggers were my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.
My emotional triggers were boredom because I was not fully stimulated in getting things done.
My emotional triggers were due to my fear of emotional intimacy, pains in the past caused fears of emotional intimacy.
I have become aloner for several reasons.
For me the recovery program was about healing the hurt inner child in me.
In time my emotional age gap and physical age gap reduced so that I became a much healthier conscience based person.
Do emotionally vulnerable addictive obsessive people actually recover?
It will always work for people who invest lots of time and energy and attend meetings.
After attending meetings for some time our fears reduce and once we open up counselling can help if you find a counselor who has healed his own inner child.
Invest in to your self the time you need to heal your hurt inner girl child.
My anger told me how much I had healed from my past pains.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi Mummyof2
Thank you for posting on our forum. The situation you described has been going on a long time and we understand it can be exasperating and wear you down. If you have not tried it yet, our helpline is open 24/7 where you can chat to an adviser 1:1 and we can go through support options for you. There is also https://gamanon.org.uk/ for more peer support.
Best Wishes
Fiona
Forum Admin
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