My wife of 15 years has a gambling addiction but with the help of myself has had it under control for the past few years. Anyway, recently she has had a relapse and I found her to be gambling again.
I don't know what more I can do. She said she will go to meetings again, has blocked all adult (18+) areas on her phone so she is no longer able to access gambling websites. But when is enough? I feel so drained with it all, it's like it's betrayal.
Please help 🙁
Hi there. From my experience I see your wife’s addiction as being so fully established that it has become a default escape route in times of pressure or stress
It becomes like an out of body experience you are looking at yourself from another perspective but are powerless to stop the addiction
So a relapse is really a reversion to panic mode and hence the need to reset and battle on again it’s a lifetime thing but the gaps do get longer between downfalls
Get every tool in the box out and hit this hard it’s the only way and get as much help for yourself as well because it’s a huge toll on you. Best
My younger brother is a gambling addict and I also developed similar issues. I find that books really help understand addiction in general. You and your wife could get 2 copies of the same books so you can both better understand and maybe find some connections. By doing this you are proving to her that you want to understand as much as she does. There are lots of really good self help books out there that can teach you how to rewire your own brain. It's a long process and recovery is a life long journey. If you want any recommendations on what to read then just let me know. Best wishes, James
Revisiting your general understanding of the value of money is also highly recommended. All I see sometimes when i gamble is numbers and vivid colours removed link You forget what money actually buys and get lost in the game, constantly forgetting what you're losing. Comparing sums of money lost, to what you could have spent it on otherwise, or dreams/experiences it could have supported that are no longer considered to be options is important too. Gambling addiction is a cruel game and UK laws seem to become more and more relaxed, worryingly. But doubtful that will change anytime soon. Too many politicians are involved heavily in profiting from it,
The only silver lining in our country is that gambling actually contributes immensely to the uk economy albeit at the risk of ruining people's lives. Get rid of her smartphone and buy a simple phone (without access to 24/7 casinos) and get her to self exclude on all sites.
Hi
If my wife was a compulsive gambler for 15 years I would have felt betrayed and lied to.
If I did not know or understand the addiction indicated a person was emotionally vulnerable.
It took me some time to hand over all finacnes to my partner yet it was a very healthy thing to do.
I found it was very important for me to attend many meetings more so after I went back to it over a 20 year period.
My addictions and obsessions just indicated that I was emotioanlly vulnerable.
No one could stop me gambling.
That had to be my own choice.
Just think that your wife is not very well.
No one could control my gambling.
The word betrayal is a very painful expereince.
My pains caused fears in me that I did not understand.
The recovery program would help me heal my pains.
The recovery program would help me become a much healthier person.
The best thing you can do is to give her all the support you can.
Even be willing to take her to meetings front door and share with Gamanon with like minded people.
I hope you both find amuch healthier life.
Dave L
Thank you everyone. Came back here as I am still really struggling. Recently found out she has been "sneaking" off to the casino whilst I am at work or looking after our children with the most recent time being last week where she spent 10 hours there having me thinking she was at work.
I feel lost, I sit here crying and don't know if I can take much more. But can I split the family up and have a broken family for our sons? I hate the thought of having to start again with houses etc.
In a really bad place 😪.
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