I am questioning everything about my own sanity at the moment.
I just don't understand how my partner can seem so kind and clear headed and has empathy and can talk about how much hurt I feel and will take time to trust again....and then a slip...he's so sorry...then another...and another and then he's right back to what seems like hating me with such a passion. He talks about changing the next thing to make sure it doesn't happen again...but just never does it...or takes months to actually get to the next step and meanwhile, I'm dying inside a little more each day.
How can he stop himself so that he has money for smokes and fuel, but can't stop from spending money that means our future plans are down the pan.
I feel so hurt and confused.
He knows he has a problem, yet just won't throw himself into stopping himself entirely, and so the money is available and he blows it and then feels bad and then is so angry and makes me feel like he never cared and never wants to see me again.
And what is wrong with me that I let this go on for so long and why is it so hard to walk away, even when he is treating me so poorly?
You hit the nail on the head for me - I'm dying inside with what feels like a horrid decay. It's not a fast death it's very slow and very painful
Hello Willing,
Welcome to the Forum. It sounds very isolating trying to work out what is happening with your partner on your own, when he is not showing any signs of wanting to stop. It is very difficult to be able to see clearly when you are emotionally involved with someone who is angry and frustrated as you end up taking some of that on board, which leaves you feeling confused.
Please, take sometime to read the leaflets on gambling addiction under the Online support section of our website. Some of your partner’s behaviours you described are associated with gambling addiction and it would be good to be able to recognise them for yourself. It sounds like he is struggling but is not able to reach out for help. Having said that, you must stay clear that it is not your responsibility to put things right and you have to protect your self from the gambling effects, financially and emotionally. You may find it helpful to talk to a professional about what you are going through.
I would like to encourage you to contact GamCare and talk to an advisor on the Freephone 0808 8020 133 or on our Netline. We provide emotional support and helpful information, as well as facilitate referrals to one to one counselling appointments.
Wishing you all the best,
Ana
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