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I;m really sorry Katie

As you know i'm one of those addicts and even i find it incredibly frustrating

So yes put up the barriers a bit more, protect yourself, your passwords, credit / debit cards. Make sure he can never get access to them or your details.

Big thing is you've drawn a line in the sand with the gambling clinic. If the addiction knew it could cross those lines and still got back, it would have loved that.

All the best

Thank you both. Some part of me almost thinks I should tell him to leave now- not cos I want to but if that makes him hit rock bottom then when the appointment comes up he might hopefully grab it with both hands. Whereas now let's face it, he's not taking positive steps whilst sitting at home all cosy is he? What makes me think the clinic will succeed where everything else has failed? Am I making sense? Or it might just push him over? And I couldn't keep an eye on him either. Just so hard. But thanks again for posting.

I'm sorry Katiecola! You are right it is just so hard. I know that its an addiction and they are in an irrational place but I still can't wrap my head around the fact that they continually keep making a mess of their lives and everyone around them. Each new lie is just a kick in the gut.

I do think that perhaps you're right asking him to leave now... maybe that is the wake up call he needs. You don't have to say the marriage is over just this is what you need right now. It's so hard to know what their rock bottom will be. All I know is with my son it was WAY lower than I ever imagined.

Hi
Katie

The joys of living with an addict hey!

Without real consequences i always carried on with my destructive behaviour. Sure things would get uncomfortable with no money & questions i didnt want to answer but i had learnt to deal with that. In fact the managing of the chaos i created was as big a part of the addiction as the actual gambling. I would imagine he feels you wont carry through any of your threats as you havnt before.
Time to get tough with him & dont back down, its the only thing we understand. Sure he will try to bully & manipulate you to start with. Then the self pity & the chidlike tantrums will come but if you stand firm he will be faced with a simple choice ( & we cgs lke these) get help or get out. Barriers & make them watertight. GA,surely he could commit there until his appointment at the clinic comes through or private counselling, maybe smart recovery if he refuses GA.
Im really sorry you are having to deal with this & wish you all the best

Hi Katie,

Can't add anything to what has been posted.

I just hope things will eventually work out for you and your family.

Take Care Now.

I wish I had something to add, something to make you feel better. I know that feeling, realising the man you love has stolen from you, I say that but I struggled to feel anything at the time I was so shocked and numb.

Half Life said what I wanted to say (she so often does).

Keep talking, whatever happens we are all here thinking of you, keep talking....

Thank you everyone- dunno what I'd do without this place and all you fab people supporting me. I think I'm numb too because yeah I'm upset but I think I'm so used to getting another kick in the teeth that the pain isn't so bad. I like to think that's because I'm getting stronger not because I'm getting too weak to fight back. I will check my own credit report because I now realise anything is possible. Everyone kept warning me but I just never thought my CG would stoop so low. Ridiculous- why would he be any different? It scares me now because he has crossed a line. He literally will do anything. I have been asking for full access to his accounts for months, I knew it was bad that he wouldn't fully commit to it, I knew he was leaving a door open. But stupidly as he has just sorted another massive loan out to consolidate the mess I really thought he wouldn't be so stupid. But they're not rational are they? As you know he has always said he should leave and I'm beginning to see why. He doesn't believe he can stop and if he refuses to accept help he won't recover. And then he really will drag us down with him and he is trying to prevent that by leaving. My daughters exams are nearly over. It's so sad that he is prepared to leave to save us from his damage. I'm rambling on now, thanks again.

Hi Katie

I have only one thing to add. Do not make idle threats. Think very carefully before you make an ultimatum and be comfortable with yourself that you will carry out that threat if your demand is not met. If you back down, he wins, and he will then feel that you will always back down.

Best wishes

Thanks Wal

no worries there. My mind is made up. I'm happy that I've stood by my man and done as much as I can do. Having my husband steal from me has given me the push I needed. I won't abandon him but I will separate me and my girls from him financially. We will not be dragged into the gutter with him. If he doesn't stop gambling he will end up there on his own.

I've no idea how it will work financially for us either but I know my girls and me stand a better chance of survival without an active CG stealing from me. Fingers crossed it doesn't come to that. Thanks for your thoughts-always welcome and very much appreciated.

Hi Katiecola

I just wanted to say that I am so sorry to see your post

My thoughts and prayers are with you

Take care x

Thank you Orchid

i hope things are getting a little easier for you now.

How are you today Katiecola? (not him, you 🙂 )

Hi Pangolin,

Really sweet of you to ask, thank you. Back to work for me, a class of 6 year olds are surprisingly good therapy!

I'm really calm which worries me-feels like I'm accepting his behaviour. I've insisted again on full access to accounts, that he leaves all cards at home and only has £50 cash a week. He has agreed- but I won't hold my breathe. Thanks again for asking-means a lot.