Season's Greetings,
I've posted elsewhere that for several months now we've had real barriers and even a commitment not to gamble, attendance at meetings...but no Steps, no lifting of fog, no change in attitude and no real understanding of the damage incurred by a decade plus of his gambling addiction. No emotional awakening. And so the addict behaviour continued to crisis point. I couldn't let things stay as they were, the children were showing visible signs of damage. And it wasn't doing me much good either.
I consulted a Therapist, a member of the Clergy who specialises in helping addicts and their families. I spent well over my allocated time telling the whole sorry tale, he explained that the options were much more limited if the other chair in his office remained empty. He recommended an intervention, to be carried out by me. Oh, joys.
It was really, really hard. I was caught between a rock and a hard place. The buck stopped with me, I couldn't leave things, but obviously my husband was less than keen on the idea of sitting in the other chair. The Therapist guided me as to strategy, suggested responses to me, gave me much needed encouragement. And at one point when I was dithering about the necessity for all this, he told me that I sounded like a classic victim and made me recite the reasons why I had consulted him in the first place. But although I was prepared to issue an ultimatum, and dreading it, in the end I didn't have to. He agreed to attend, and did so with reasonably good grace.
We had another meeting with the Therapist, both chairs occupied. The Therapist, highly skilled, got through to my husband what I couldn't, for the first time, my husband heard the emotional side. And realised that as well as meetings to help keep him from gambling, therapy would be useful.
There's still a mountain to climb. For both of us, it's not all down to him. But just for today, things are better.
CW
One word. Progress. It may be slow but its there. i'm so very proud of both you and your husband.
Made me smile. thankyou for that.
Tri
Thanks, Tri. Always glad to bring seasonal cheer...but am v aware it's still early days.
Your husbands efforts are huge progress CW. A nice start to 2016!
Thanks, Cathy.
I tried getting friends and his family to speak to him last time round, but we were all clueless and we got nowhere. They bought into the "It's only investment" line and none of us faced up to the warning signs eg secrecy.
This time, it was well targeted and competently supervised. Made all the difference.
But I'm drained, need a rest over the holiday period.
Take care,
CW
That's good to read CW you must be mentally exhausted! You give a lot of advice and support to others, I'm pleased your husband is moving forward. Xx wcid
Hi,
Was reading through your first post hoping for a nice ending. As tri said - it's progress - which in my book is a nice ending.
Long roads ahead but the main thing is you are now on the road.
Best wishes to you both
Hi Cynical wife
Im so pleased to hear your husband is finally seeing things through your eyes. I know you have a long way to go but all the same seems like things are on the up and I hope you and your family go from strength to strength.
I had a brilliant counsellor and they did as good a job as your therapist did, guided me through it all and gave me enough strength to make some difficult decisions. Id say everyone that lives with a cg must get some counselling to get through this.
Im so pleased you've found the right person to help your through this. .
Take care
Hi CW
I'm feeling really happy reading this good news - your hard work paid off (and his too..), and it's great news indeed that he engaged and listened.... It sounds as though it's been a real roller coaster so I hope you've had good opportunity to recharge your own batteries after all of this. It's fantastic progress, must have been exhausting for you! Here's hoping that the progress continues, no doubt there's a long road ahead but at least you're both on that road and sometimes that's the hardest thing. Best wishes to you, your partner and your family, fingers crossed!
Hi, everyone, thanks v much for the posts and Happy New Year.
My husband has been making a decent effort over the last couple of weeks so the holiday time went quite well. Have reminded him as gently as possible on as few occasions as possible to make another appointment with the Therapist and he has - amid mutterings that it's not easy to fit it into his admittedly full schedule.
One day at a time.
Thanks again.
CW
Happy new year CW - pleased you've had a good Christmas, that all sounds positive news, you must be pleased that your husband is putting the effort in and has taken steps to make appointment himself. X wcid
Hi CW,
Happy New Year to you and your loved ones!
I am proud of you for making such a determined steps to understand this addiction..it's not easy, i get it 🙁
You're more than welcome to plant a slap on this mug if ya get too frustrated with this addiction which has affected you & ur loved ones!..i won't even self defence 😉
It wasnt even funny huh :-/....i guess I'm not gonna ask to skip along and whistle , but a lil smile would mk my year вє...if not - conditions as above! Let the anger out! Keep fighting for you & your loved ones!
2016 is new yaer for the new outlook, i hope your husband has the same vision ahead.
Hugs, thanks for your thoughts on this site.
S x
Hi CW,
I'm ok, thanks. Well, as good as i can be while head swimming with turds last few days. All self inflicted indeed.
Even if i take one step forward and two back, I'm still hanging around and trying to abstain.
Hope your husband is well and truly recovering and the "blame game" run out of levels long ago.
Keep putting yourself first. You matter!
S x
Morning CW, Thanks for popping by, the refund will go straight back into my buisiness account , so not going to do anything stupid with it !.
When your on the HMRC site , don't forget to tell them what nice people they are ? , Ha! Ha! .
Have a great day !
Regards Alan
Evening CW ,Just stopped off to say thanks for your kind words this morning , all got a bit silly really and I got a little sucked in I'm afraid .
Back on track now and on with recovery .
I wish you well , and have a good night !.
Regards Alan
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