What a fool

Hi

Thank you Triangle and ODAAT

When I look at my son I see a very unhappy sad young man, with no self esteem and I want nothing more than to hug him and tell him its going to be ok. It breaks my heart to see him hurt so much but when I try to talk to him he says "Im fine leave me alone" or if hes in one his moods its often abuse. Ive begged him to let us help him, but he wont have any of it. I do see this as an illness and he needs help but I cant force him, I wish I could.

While I can see how unhappy he is, he also has all the destructive behaviours that go with being a cg. Hes said and done some dreadful things, and its been going on for a 4 and half years now. Im not in good health and my husband is exhausted from working very long hours, but neither of us are shown any consideration from our son. He couldnt care less if we were having a bad day, he'd still give us hell if he felt like it. This probably sounds like Im full of self pity, Im not at all we're just very tired and cant see an end to it.

So what do we do, do we live with our son in the hope that one day soon he'll decide he wants recovery or tell him to leave giving us some peace back in our lives. Hes left before and was sleeping on the streets and that would probably happen again if we told him he had to go. I cant bare the thought of him walking the streets but I equally cant bare the thought of living like this indefinetly.

ODAAT thank you for reminding me of Betari's box, I learned about this from my counsellor some time ago. I feel like Im on a hair trigger with him at the moment, it takes just one of his insults for me to turn and shout at him, but there again I think he quite enjoys that. I will start doing this again, so thanks again for reminding me about it.

Hi CW22

My son is younger than yours so still very young, and has been gambling for several years..He has a long time girlfriend and I have had several conversations about my sons gambling with her. Hes stolen from her many times and Ive told her that while she lets him do that he'll never stop. All that happens is he talks her round each time he does it and now she wont talk to me, says I dont support my son.! It doesnt matter that I was sticking up for her, she's in love and Im the bad guy for telling my son that stealing is wrong and trying to protect her. After that I'll never say another word to her about it, she knows what he's doing it's up to her.

Its hard to know wether to tell your sons girlfriend or not maybe you could gauge how eager he is for recovery and is he willing to do everything that you ask of him and if hes 100% willing then maybe hang on a while. If hes hesitant at all and you doubt his sincerity then maybe its only fair she knows. You could say he gets one chance to do it your way but if he doesnt than you feel you should tell her. I didnt tell my sons girlfriend when I found out he'd been gambling and I sometimes think I should of.

All gamblers no matter who they are including our lovely sons are all incredibly manipulative, they will lie, and do pretty much anything as the addiction worsens as it always does. Never understimate how manipulative and calculating they can be, they will have you convinced black is white.

You caught your son gambling, theres a massive difference between a cg caught out and one who genuinely seeks recovery for themselves. One caught out will promise you the world and beg forgiveness, they're very good at saying all the right things. Id be doubtful that the £10 is the first time as well.

Trying to force a cg to stop gambling never works, they only stop when they want to nothing you say or do will make any difference. If you want to help him, he should be willing to do everything that you ask of him, if he hesitates says no or tries to negotiate I'd smell a rat. It has to be 100% commitment to recovery, he cant do bits of this and bits of that, he shouldn't have access to any money, blocking software on any phones or computers, self exclude from all sites including the high street bookies. Id also ask for a copy of his credit report to see if theres anything you dont know about as well.

As for you helping your son out while hes on JSA I understand why you want to help, but if hes living with you, got his meals Id honestly not be giving him a penny.If hes having difficulty paying his dmp then tell him to speak to the people who arranged it, if you're paying this for him you really shouldnt be its not your responsibility. I promise if you're worried about what might happen if it doesnt get paid for a while theres no need to be, my son has had countless letters, from debt recovery companies and threats of court action and not one of the 10 companies he owes money to has done any more than write to him. I wish they would do something maybe that would give him the shock he needs. He barely made an effort to pay his dmp, your son is trying so I wouldnt be too concerned.

I used to give my son a little money when he didnt have a job and I thought the little bit I gave him he wouldnt be gambling with but it turned out he was actually doing 50p bets at the Bookies. Its not necessarily the amount of money its the addictive mind set thats dangerous, wether its 50p or 50k its still gambling.

I dont want to sound harsh and Im sure your son like mine are nice young men but they're also compulsive gamblers and we have to use our head with this one. We have a strong urge to help and protect them its our defaults as Mums but we do have to wait until they decide wether they want recovery or not. It has to be moral support only, never financial, and they must face the consequences of their actions what ever they may be, its part of getting well.

XOXO

Hi as67

many thanks for your reply, I appreciate the advice even though reading your experiences was fairly difficult (the reality of this situation appears to be even worse than I thought!).

This is totally ruining our lives as you clearly understand. I didnt mention that we also have 2 other children aged 24 and 19 and the impact that my son's behaviour has had upon them is immense. I feel so guilty that I cannot give them much financially as my ga son saps me of all finances not to mention energy. I cant tell him to leave as I could not bare the pain of worrying about where he was plus he has threatened suicide in the past. However, how can we keep going on like this? I agree he is manipulative and a compulsive liar and he hates himself for it. He has little self esteem at the moment. The one thing going well for him is this new relationship and it is so nice to see him happy. I just feel so terrible for this young lady who has a good job and works really hard. I feel that I am responsible if he ruins her life too. He seems desperate not to lose her so I think that I will give him one chance to seriously seek help and he will get no more chances if he lies again. I can feel that I am getting tougher and will carry out my threat to tell her if he lets himself down again....not to ruin his life (although he says it will) but to protect hers. I have a daughter too and could not bare her to be in a relationship with an addict such as my son (how harsh that must sound). I love him so much but you are right, no more money and this one final chance. God knows what will happen after that but cannot keep on like this. It is 5.30am and I am still awake stressed as I am most nights. He is such a lovely boy , if only he could see the devastation his addiction is causing. Thank you again.

Hi CW22

Your life sounds identical to mine, look at the time stamp of my last post, I too struggle to sleep.

You are not responsible for your sons girlfriend nor anything your son does, what ever either of them do they are adults and make their own choices. If you decide to give him a chance to prove himself and he does well thats great, but if he doesnt and you said you would tell his girlfriend then you have to be prepared to follow through with that. If after the "one chance" he continues to gamble and you tell her hes a cg then wether she stays or goes its her choice. I used to worry about my sons girlfriend but as I said in my last post I wasnt thanked for it, quite the opposite got one heck of a mouthful from her. Shes young but again an adult and she chooses to stay with him knowing full well hes a compulsive gambler.

I really understand everything you're saying its an impossible situation to be in, my son has threatened suicide several times. One time after he said it he ran out into the night at about 2am, we live in the countryside next to woods, I was scared witless. Anyway we found him and brought him home. This is a fairly common thing for a cg to say, it should always be taken seriously but it can also be part of their manipulation. When I was having counselling this was the main thing that frightened me and I felt stuck for fear of what he might do. I had a fantastic counsellor and with her help we decided on a plan for if or when he threatend suicide again. I gave my son Gamcare and the Samaritans number, and told him that if he told me that agian we would be going straight to A&E. What he doesnt know is that Ive also got the number for our local Police and Mental health crisis team and if he ran off in to the night like he did before I would not hesitate to call them. Its not perfect but its the best of a bad situation and stops me from feeling completley helpless. This next bit is very very hard to say to another Mum but my counsellor told me as awful as a threat is of them hurting themselves again they're adults and make their own choices, we can not control that . Im sorry to have to tell you that. Im as scared as always after the week we've had but I cant let the fear hold me back.

Nothing we did had worked, you name it we tried it, Ive pleaded with him far too many times to get help and none of it seemed to sink it. We went round and round in circles until someone said to me tough love is the answer. I wasnt really sure how tough to be but I soon learned. We gave him ground rules, very basic nothing he said he couldnt do but enough for us to gain a little control. We told him that we know its going to be really hard to stop gambling and it will take time and he has our support however we do want certain things from him. Its what ever you want it to be but we said, no stealing, be polite, keep his filthy pit of a room tidy and get some counselling, if he didnt keep to them there would be consequences. If he didnt keep to his side of the deal then we had to be prepared to carry those consequences out and we do.If you give them an ultimatum you have to be prepared to carry it out, otherwise its a waste of time.

My son has been and gone a couple of times now, the last time was under awful circumstances, he and his dad came to blows, worst day ever. We knew this could never happen again we told him to get out. He was sleeping on the streets and I was frantic with worry, all I wanted to do was go and find him and bring him home. As scared as I was I knew that nothing had changed and that scared me just as much. After a few weeks he turned up late one night and he was a mess, after laying down some rules he was allowed back home. This is quite extreme and you'd of thought no good could of come of it but it actually did. My son still gambles, and Ive no idea if or when he will chose recovery but he does know that what we say we mean. He knows that if he steals from us I'll go to the Police, he knows that if he doesnt follow our basic rules he has to find somewhere else to live. Of course I hope neither happens but if it does we will carry out what we say.

I have another son who doesnt live with us, but rarely comes home now, and I can see why, and I miss him so much. The realtionship between two brothers has completely broken down after always being so close. Our family used to be so happy but its anyhting but now so I know how you feel. Life with a cg becomes all consuming, and it puts a huge strain on the happiest of families but we have to try and not let it. Some days I have to literally tell myself that for the next however long Im not going to think about my son and go do something to distract myself, its not easy but does get easier over time. Ive been married for a very long time to the sweetest kindest man and this is the one thing that divides us, its caused more agruments than anything else in over 30 years together. Ive had to accept that my husband doesnt think the way I do, neither of us is right or wrong its just the way it is.

I'll tell you the advice I was given when I first came to this forum, I must add to start with I thought it seemed a little harsh but turned out to be very true and helpful.

We did not cause this (Im sure like me you wont believe that at first). We can not help them, only they can help themsleves. Offer moral support if you like but other than that step away and let them get on with their own lives. It does get all consuming as we both know but we really need to look after ourselves. I strongly recommend you get some counselling, - Gamcare can arrange that free of charge for you - Im convinced it saved my sanity, although some days thats still in dispute :). Do things that make you feel good, it doesnt have to be much a bubble bath, go for walk anything that makes you feel good. Spend some time with your husband and other kids, try and make life as normal as possible. The best thing you can do for you and your son is leave him alone.

Call Gamcare and get that counselling, it really is excellent. You're not on your own we're all here, keep talking to us and get as much support for yourself as you can.

Take care xoxox

Hi CW22 &as67

The suicide threats take being the parent of a CG to a whole new level. I know they are part of the manipulation but also realize that they are hurting so badly they really do wish they could end their pain. As a mom who wants to take the chance??

I ended up in Emergency with my son about a month ago after a relapse. My husband got a text (I block his number when he relapses as I find it easier on myself) that he was going to harm himself. I went and picked him up (and feel bad saying that I was livid and couldn't even talk to him) and took him to emergency. The mental health nurse was incredible. As with you as67 she said point blank... your son is an adult being run by an addiction and if he truly wants to end it he will and there is nothing you can do to stop it. She told me this with both of us in the room and it really jolted him. They have since set him up with some free addiction counselling and he continues to attend GA. His recovery continues but not without lots of bumps and tears.

I have been "trying" to deal with things as an outsider looking in. If this was happening to a friend's son what would I say/do? Sometimes thats easier as it removes me from the situation and can keep it factual.

You are definitely not alone CW22...in an awful way it's nice to know for me I'm not the only one living this hell.

Cathy

Hi as67 and C

thank you so much for the support. Our lives sound so similar. I am also married for almost 30 years and this is the one area in my marriage that looks like it could destroy us. My son used to be so close to his older sister and younger brother (who used to idolise him but pities him now). This is the saddest part of all of this, that this addiction has torn my wonderful family apart. On a more positive note and believe me I am as a rule a very upbeat and half full type of person, I am able to enjoy my life most of the time and put this to one side at times. However I am so angry and so sad and feel that I cannot help him until he wants to help himself. I am getting firmer. I cannot imagine ever not being on his side and trying to help him to get through this but I may lose my marriage and my sanity in the process. I will get some counselling (ironically I am a qualified counselor ha not much good in this situation tho!). Thank you and good luck to us all!

Hi cw22 as67 - I'm really sorry you, your sons and your families are going through this nightmare. I found out three weeks ago my son in a cg. We thought it was mismanagement of his money, kept borrowing him money he kept getting back into same situations. Pay day loans letters, car payments missed. We found out when we needed to bail him out again, the condition was I had access to his bank account. When I looked at statements I was devastated!! It was plain to see he had a gambling problem which had started off with the odd bet and progressed to £1200 in The month of November. It takes your life and thoughts over doesn't it. My son wouldn't admit to having a problem, 3 weeks later he's still not admitting but he's not denying either. I know where your both coming from with the girlfriend situation. My son has a female friend which is not too serious at the moment but if it does get serious do I tell her? I have a daughter who is 22 I would not like her to be in a committed relationship with a cg. I know it is the addiction that has a hold of our sons, it has changed them. Whilst I am really very annoyed at him for getting into this vicious circle I am also very sorry for him that his head must be spinning with it all. Yes I've also had the cheek, swear words, the guilt. My husband is on board with it. He now has his bank card. We thought he was having a good week he has not gambled since Sunday as had no funds. Got paid Thursday and wages still intact! I was so pleased! He wanted £20 Friday which was fine then this morning I look at statement. 2 online transactions have appeared for £10 and £20 I felt a fool. I quickly transferred his balance to my account leaving him £15. He was not happy, says he's going to get us off his bank, but he's been saying that for 3 weeks now. It is so hard for us parents when I found out all I wanted to do was talk to him try and fix it, sort it out, make it better. I was frustrated with him with the whole situation. Advice was to let him learn hard way, he needs to reach rock bottom before he realises. I couldn't get my head around that. I'm his mother why would I let him reach rock bottom, why would I let him loose his car, his job? I can't!! - I have stepped back a bit, I have learned to not talk about it as much, my husband has his card, I keep an eye on his banking and credit file. It's very early days for him, this week has been a better week for him but I don't trust him that much yet. I hope you keep posting, I have met some lovely people on here who give advice and listen. It is a hard and emotional life for a cg but it also hard for families and partners as well. - take care- wcid

Hi wcid

I am sad for you too. I am up early as have been tossing and turning as most nights. Just read your post with tears streaming down my face at the recognition of everything you say. This is like being in a nightmare isn't it? We too thought that our son was just not very good with money and have spent the last 3 years bailing him out of credit cards and payday loans (I dread the postman every day!) to the tune of around £7000! Eventually earlier this year he admitted (after we forced him to show us his bank statement) that he had been gambling. I now have full control over his banking. However he has no money at all as sadly lost a good job in the summer and so far despite signing on has not received JSA. He is trying to get this sorted with the help of Citizens Advice. He also has a debt management plan which I have helped him set up and whilst he was working this was going well. I know from expereince now that I will have to remove any money he gets as he cannot control his urges and can empty his account in one night (he has done this even knowing I check his online account daily). The worst thing is that he is so sad and hates himself. We have to remain positive that he can beat this and your son too (as67 you too). This has helped so much hearing that I am not the only one as feel that I must have failed him somehow. I always thought I was a great mum...breast fed all 3 til over 1 year old, worked part time so I was there for them and basically as we all do, have made them my whole life and priority since they were born. I feel helpless and beyond sad. This has to be a blip and cannot be the future for our lovely sons. Hang in there and thank you x

Hi wcid

I have just spent over an hour reading your posts on the new members intro forum...I could have written every single word! (apart from the keeping silent as I struggle very hard not to lash out emotionally and ham ashamed to admit I have called my son a dissappointment and said I am ashamed of him, even tho this is true I feel so bad for saying it to him and realise it will not have helped him at all but just so frustrated). We sound like we are at similar stages although I am a few months down the line and am realising that everything everyone advises re tough love must be right. We have eventually got my son to admit he has a problem and accept that he has to do something about it. He is now in a new relationship and says that he is ready to act now and face up to the act he needs help bacause he cannot lose this girl. He accepts that if the relationship progresses that I have to, or rather he has to tell her everything. He says he wants to be able to tell her that it is a past problem and is ready to get help now. I have basically backed him into a corner by threatening to tell her myself. He knows that I mean it as I have got a lot tougher this last few months. My husband is a great support and seems more able to rationalise it all where I am too emotional. Unfortunately he works away and is only home 1 night a week so it is a challenge! What with this and the bloody menopause (I am 51) I am demented!! On a lighter note, really looking forward to xmas and have 2 other great kids (girl 24 and boy 19). We will get our boy back he is still in there. The worst thing is keeping this from my family and friends. I am so ashamed of him. I will keep posting as up until now have just been reading and not saying much myself. Keep strong and hang in there. I have immediately identified that you me and as67 are in very similar places. It is good to have someone to talk to thank you.

Hi cw22 - i have read your posts as well our boys and famiiies sound so alike, I am 50 have 2 other children, girl 22, boy 18, really good kids. Normal upbringing, also worked part time, life revolving around them. I didn't tell my family at first as we have been through enough this year with dad having cancer. I told one good friend but last week told one of my sisters and my mum. They were both upset but can also see it is an addiction. I have asked them not to speak to him about it as he would be devestated if he knew they knew. My mum is annoyed at him for what he is putting us through but also feels sorry for him and just wants to hug him and help him. Even though he gets annoyed when I transfer money from his bank and even though he won't admit he has a problem I think he is relieved we know the truth. He has stepped up to the mark this week as my daughter has been poorly and in hospital for 3 nights, he has been very helpful and caring, I saw some of my son back. All we want for our boys is a normal happy life! Be able to meet a nice girl, settle down, give us grandchildren! and to stop gambling. Gambling has always been around but has became more popular with young people and easier to access with apps on mobile phones! Whereas you used to have to go to the betting shop which was only opened at certain times of the day! My dad likes a gamble in the betting shop but only ever gambles One or two pound at a time so it's not like my son has grew up with it. He is lucky he has a reasonable paid job which should allow him to have a good life style this is why I have paid car payments as if he lost his car he would loose his job as he works all round the country. Im pleased your husband is good support we all need it, we need to stick together. Lets hope that our sons see sense especially with some nice girls on the scene maybe it will want them to try more. Please keep posting you are not alone I go on the chat room at 8-9 pm I have met some lovely people who offer friendship, advice and an ear to rant at. I've read some sad stories and read some success stories, gambling can hit anybody. It's a big learning curve for us all. You take care xx wcid x

Hi

Im so sad to see so many other Mums in exactly the same position as me.

Amom you're my heroine you're the first person who spoke to me all those months ago who gave me the shoulder to cry on I so badly needed. Im so sorry to see youve been having such a rough time, I really thought your son was doing a little better, lets hope he's found the support he needs. Please dont beat yourself up for feeling angry at him Id say its perfectly normal giving the circumstances. What does it say about me that I wanted to slap my son, I dont love him any the less, its frustration the same as you.

Hi CW22 and What Can I do

Thank you for your support it gives me the strength to get up and face the day, some days I could quite happily stay in bed. It breaks my heart to see other Mums going through the same as me, its alarming to see more and more us in the same position.

CW 22 I once asked my counsellor how can she do such a difficult job while seeing people in such distress, - I think I cried for most of my sessions with mine. She said its quite simple I dont have the emotion attatched to it, where as you do you're his Mum. You're not the counsellor this time, you're the Mum, you couldnt possibly look at this any other way.

Sometimes I think I havent come any further forward, after all my son is still gambling, my family is still struggling and I cry far too much. This last week has knocked the stuffing out of me but I know I have to just get up and keep going.

When I came to this forum I think I was looking for list of instructions on how to "fix" my son, but that list doesnt exist. What I have got though is incredible support, which I dont know how Id of coped with out.

I know how badly we want to help our boys but the truth is ladies we cannot help with this. We can give them all the moral support and love in the world but nothing more and just have to wait for them to want recovery for themselves. I understand the need to help them, take their bank card and all of the other things we've all done but unless they come of their own free will and ask us to help them it doesnt work. I would of thought that by now and all the rotten things my son has done the pain hes put us through that my son would of reached his rock bottom and that he would of wanted recovery more than anything else, but its obvious he doesnt.

I believe that some day he will get there but its going to be have to be something very bad for him to get to that point. They have to feel the consequences of what they've done, wether thats lose their car or their job or their flat or anything else, if we save them from it doesnt work. My counsellor told me it isnt until they feel that their lives are so s****y that want to get well and us keep rescueing them just delays that. The problem is as their Mums to see them in such pain is unbearable and we naturally step in to help them.

My son is my youngest, hes 6" 3" and to the outside world looks like a big strapping young man, but he's my little one. When I look at him I see my son and the pain hes in but I also see the compulsive gambler and thats what I have to rememeber. I want nothing more than step back into Mum mode and tell him he must do xyz but the truth is that just deosnt work I have to leave him be. I said a long time ago that Im prepared to be as tough as need be to help him, Ive done it before and Im going to have to do it again.

Ladies thank you all for your support, look after yourselves

XXX

Hi as67 isn't it awful were all looking for the same answers on 'how to fix' out sons. It's simply heartbreaking. You are a bit further down the line than me I've only found out about my son recently. I've had all kinds of emotions from wanting to shake him, shout at him, lock him in his room to feeling sorry for him and wanting to cuddle and make it all better for him (as us mothers do). I am feeling more positive than I have been, he has gambled £30 the other day but has also shown some restraint not to carry on which is progress in itself as it has been up to £170 in a day chasing bets. I too have met some lovely people on here both cg and non cg who have offered advice and a listening ear. We have some things in place to try and stop our son getting out of control, I would like to add more but will be taking baby steps as he seems to respond to that better than going in guns blazing (even if I want to). He won't go and see a counsiller but he knows about this site and knows I go on it. I have seen some of my son back this week and not the stressed out fidgety lad he has became. I have been able to have normal conversations with him which last week we both found it hard. I know this is a long process and will not resolve in a matter of weeks I know he will have blips. Now that I am more clued up I will be keeping a closer eye. Spying on his spending is not something I want to do but is necessary as he struggles to manage his money. He has been in such a vicious circle and I don't think he could see a way out. I think he is quite relieved it is out in the open. As I've said I am struggling with the advice of letting him loose car, job ect to let him feel effects, I know there are lessons to be learned from that as well, it's first time round for me to try and help so I will have to figure this out in my head and if it doesn't work will have to rethink. I know it's our sons problems and not our doing but it doesn't stop us from the constant fear and worry for them. I wish all our sons well, it's simply crazy how easily they have been drawn into this addiction but it's so hard to get out of. Love and hugs to you all. Xx

Hi

What Can I do

I talk about leaving my son alone, letting him face rock bottom what ever that might be in practice its torture for me. Experience and advice from people who are further down the line than me says I have to leave my son alone. Theres been moments when hes been sobbing and hes begged for my help for him to avoid something or to give him money or what ever else it maybe and Iv had to walk away. I say my peace and have to leave the room and it nearly kills me, it doesnt get any easier but I know 100% its absolutely necessary.

Im naturally a very quiet reserved person but when faced with my sons behaviour I can turn into a screeching banshee and I hate myself for it. I have all the same emotions you have but I know screaming at him wont help anyone, so I need to rethink somethings.

I have found that when I am calm and can walk away even when hes hurling insults at me things calm down quicker and theres more chance that he will talk to me. Counselling taught me that if Im calm in time when he wants my help theres more chance he will come to me.

Its good that you're seeing bits of your son as oppossed to the addcition, lets hope that continues. Please dont be offended by this but its easy at this point to start trying to help too much if that makes sense. Dont be too willing to help, they actually do better if we leave them alone. I say to my son "is there anything I can help you with today" the usual response is a grunt, silence or rare times I get yes or it might be a day or two later I get a yes. I sometimes ask him what his plans are for the day, and again its a grunt, silence and more recently on occassion actually words. After Ive had his reply I say ok and leave him alone. It has got better theres even times now when he'll come out of his room and watch a little tv with me or tell me what plans he wants to make ,all wonderful, its seldom but its better than it used to be. He still still gambles as much as ever, lies and tries to manipulate but I hope in time me not doing his head in as he says he'll feel he can talk to me properly.

In time you will rethink things many times over, we still do but we seem to of come to level where our son knows whats acceptable to us. We accept its going to take a long time and have told him that, he knows we love him and as long as he follows our very basic rules and goes to counselling then thats enough for now. He refused to go to counselling for a very long time but after his behaviour got out of control its a condition of him living with us.

You decide what is right for you and your family and I dont want to sound like a cracked record but please get yourself some counselling.

Take care x

Hi as67 I'm not at all offended by what you say, I know he has to admit to himself and us he has a problem, I would like him to get counselling but he's refused. When I first found out I probably did do his head in by going on and on about it. I decided to take a step back and leave him alone although it was difficult. If he asks for anything I say 'see your dad'. He wasn't able to gamble from Sunday last week as he had no wages left to Thursday of this week when he got paid. I knew he had no money, I held back from giving him any and he never asked even though we had £500 of his on a prepaid card. I kept an eye on his online banking on pay day to see if he was gambling I was delighted that there was no transactions and besides £20 which he wanted his wages were intact. Then on Saturday I looked at his account and two transactions £10 ,£20 had gone out which had been placed on Thursday so only showed up on account on sat. I am trying to think positive about this, we have his bank card but he obviously has his bank details stored on the online betting shops so doesn't really need the card! So he has held some restraint and been able to stop after £30. I was dreading Christmas last week I thought how can I sit around a table with 14 of my family playing happy families when in reality my heart was breaking. I cried most of that Friday and Saturday all I was thinking was doom and gloom. Anyways I picked myself back up and have moved on this week and we're all having a much better week gambling wise. This is going to be a long up and down process for us all, I do think my son will get there especially if he continues to let us have access to his bank. Time will tell. I wish you well at this crazy time and hope we can all look back in a few years and think 'what a nightmare!! I'm glad it's over!! Love wcid x

Hi What Can I do

You have a good cry, we all try and stay positive put sometimes you just cant and a cry is what you need.

Your son is making some positive steps, hes showing some restraint, Id say he's not ready to commit to full recovery yet but hes started seeing the negatives to his gambling. Its a first step not what you want but better than total denial. My son still empties is bank account of his wages the moment they're there, its all gone with in minutes, Ive seen all the bank statements, and they never fail to shock me.

Ive felt pretty miserable thinking about Christmas but its only one day and Im not going to let this spoil it for me. We have family coming too and Im really looking forward to it, Im sure it will do you and I good, a very welcome distraction. Plus lots of chocie and alcohol, thats got to be a good day 🙂

It is very up and down, roller coaster is what I call it, Ive had to stop thinking about the future too much and just take it a day at a time, thats all we can do.

Take care x