Where do I start?!

So sorry to hear of your situation. I'm not going to give you advice on what you should do. I'm just going to pass on my experience of the gambler who is now getting divorced. 

I didn't own up to my problem. It all came out. My wife (ex) couldn't live with the deception. I would have given anything to save the marriage, but losing everything was the kick in the behind I needed. I'm not saying this is the right thing for your partner, but the shock of losing you may be the thing he needs. He has to make the decision to quit, and it has to be a hardball approach. Meetings, gambling blocks, and open  and honesty throughout. Full financial disclosure. Once you get all that you may see its worse, or better than you realise. Then it's down to you to make the decision, based on his desire to quit. I offered to do everything. I didn't work. I am still doing everything, but now it's for me.

I'm a much better person for quitting. I'm happy now, even with the situation I'm now in. You might find your partner is a better person once they quit. It may be the best thing your relationship has seen. Or, you may never trust them again. Tough decisions. There is help and advice out there for partners of gamblers. Gamcare can help you out.

All the best. Feel free to keep people updated on how you are doing. You may find it helps you and others in the same position.

Stay strong 👍 

@p6z38njbqm Thank you for sharing all of that. 

I am sorry to hear of your situation but equally, it’s really good that you’ve started to do the work for you. 

Your situation sounds so similar - I would find him lying about finances but never put 2 & 2 together - it’s because of the deception I left & filed. Not because I wanted too. 

In our divorce we’ve had to do full financial disclosure of the last 12 months - every monthly bank statement the lot & this is how I found out. 

I called him immediately and asked if he had an issue to which he replied “probably” then in the next breath he “was able to control it” & had slowed it down this month.

It breaks my heart to leave him let alone now I understand why but I also understand change has to come from him - I just worry he won’t. 

Thank you again for sharing I appreciate hearing it from your perspective too. I am sorry for what you’ve been through & hope life keeps getting better for you. 

@yu69zo71hs I'm deeply sorry to hear about the situation you're facing and understand how devastating and heartbreaking it must be. I do agree with the comment above that, often, someone has to hit rock bottom to truly make a change.

I'm not here to tell you what to do, as only you can determine what's right for you. However, I can share my own experience.

About a year and a half ago, I discovered that my partner of 10 years had an addiction. I tried to stay and support them, but I realized that support only makes a difference if the person is truly ready to change. Throughout this process, I felt like a failure because I wanted so badly to help, but I learned that you can't make someone want something—they have to want it themselves. Unfortunately, I continued to face lies, betrayal, and blame, which eventually forced me to step away—not because I wanted to, but for the sake of my own mental health. I’m not saying that everyone’s path to recovery will be the same, but it’s important to recognize that there will likely be ups and downs.

This journey might bring you closer together, or it could drive you apart. Ultimately, it comes down to the individual and whether they genuinely want to change, because without that, your support alone may not be enough to change the situation.