So, sadly I’m back here.
Long and short of it is I can’t live this life anymore- hubby of 12 years, together for 25 , 2kids, must be the worst relapse yet since he was 21. We are  both mid forties now.  Over 40k gone in total on debt consolidation to repay gambling debts plus extra from savings has been used to repay cards. That i know of.Â
Checked my ClearScore this morning to check re- mortgage rates (yes I know very first world problem)& lo and behold- a new loan taken out in my name last month for &16k(still paying off a 10k loan from 2023 for same issue). Was cross- woke him at 6:45 to ask if was him otherwise would need to report- his answer was one worded and sounded like duck. Got home after a 12hour shift @8:30pm and he has left (this usual reaction after relapse). Told our daughter he had a work thing and had to go out. He didn’t - he works 9-5. Phone off. Â
we’ve been through counselling, I’ve been through it on my own,  he’s been and was supposed to still be in his own counselling, support for him through work, money separated, I have control all bills and most finance since 2023. cards blocked form gambling sites etc he transfers some wages to me each month , some transparency - can’t do anymore! Don’t want to spend rest my life working overtime to pay consolidation loans. Lots of issues from his background and childhood- dad drank, gambled,  parents separated- I understand this could be contributing and I know I sound cold but I can’t help or support him anymore. My petrol tank is now empty.Â
not sure what trigger was this time- son joined army last sep so likley this? But still, come on- I can’t go through this anymore!
how/who can I approach to get advice re separation or divorce , don’t want to get him in trouble but don’t want to be lumbered with over 20k debt due to gambling that’s all in my name. Especially The recent loan that was done without my knowledge for 16k.Also advice re making this process easier for family as whole? Sons 19 & in army - how do I talk to him at some point about this!  Son already helped me out financially in 2023 when he spent his wages in casino and I couldn’t pay mortgage. Was so ashamed and don’t want him to think his dad is an awful person.Â
thank you , please know I’m exhausted after constant relapses every 2-4 years and have given it my best, my allÂ
Hi 'r32'Â
Thank you for opening up, I am sorry to hear you feel empty at the moment going through all of this. It's very brave that you have been able to open up like this whilst feeling so exhausted. It's so important to look after yourself during this and looks as though you have already took so many amazing steps to help and support your Husband.Â
If you haven't already, I'd encourage you to to reach out for further support via our helpline on 0808 8020 133 and or 1:1 live chat on our website. Our advisors are available to speak to 24/7 days a week, to talk things through, listen without judgement, and help you work out your next steps.Â
In the meantime if you feel as though you would benefit from seeking out some free professional debt advice you can contact Step Change who offer a vast range of different solutions dependant on your age and income. They can help you work with your debtors to find affordable monthly payments that you can afford. There website is https://www.stepchange.org/
Thank you,Â
Erin
Forum Admin
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
