Why can't he stop...

Firstly tasha06, I am so sorry to hear of your loss 🙁

Welcome to Gamcare! You feel angry & hurt by him because he is destroying you! It was your baby you buried & he is trying to deal with his grief by blocking it out/escape gambling whilst you try & keep your world together!

You need help for you & he needs help for him. Sadly, he may think he has found a solution & may not want that help in which case, you must do everything you can to protect yourself & your children!

Please give Gamcare a call, they are the experts & whilst I can stand up & be counted as support, I am nothing more than a CG in recovery wishing you the strength to get through this - ODAAT

Thank you

i have set up a meeting to talk through some issues and get some advice on how to deal with my own grief.

Recived yet another final demand letter today and he just doesn't care. What will make him stop.

Hi tasha06

I am a CG in recovery. I agree with ODAAT and echo my sympathy for your loss.

He really does need to see a counsellor. He needs to talk about the loss of his son, how it affects him etc. I am guessing that he is having a terrible time dealing with this, and one of the ways to 'forget' is to indulge in gambling. When I was gambling, my mind became numb to reality. I could lose myself in this fantasy world where nothing could hurt me.

GA would be another avenue for him, but I think that given the circumstances, a counsellor would be best for him.

I am pleased that you are going to see someone to help with your grief. It really does help to be able to talk to someone, to have someone to lean on in times of stress.

Best wishes

This is hard to answer, my guess is that he cannot stop because the pain wont stop, but this is no help to you. I think you have to start looking after yourself and dealing with your grief, it is impossible to say how someone else will cope with theirs, you cannot cope with it for him.

I know the violent death of my mother changed me in so many ways that I am still coming to terms with years later, but the loss of a child I cannot imagine being able to bear. The ongoing destructive behaviour from your husband is another layer of pain that no-one should have to endure.

I am not sure how suitable a GA meeting is for someone who's gambling arises from such a distinct cause, more personal counselling is probably more appropriate. Please tale the opportunity of ocunselling for yourself too, life has been so very hard on you and still you are managing to be a good mother every day. Take all the help you can get, from wherever it comes.

So sorry.

Thank you.

Sorry for your loss.

How did you/are you dealing with your loss of your mother.

The pain never goes away it is constantly there. People say he has to hit rock bottom when is rock bottom he has nothing left. He just want to give up on life yet we have two very beauitful and special children that need looking after.

Hi tasha06

I really am at a bit of a loss with this.

I think he has to get counselling for his grief over the loss of your little boy. I feel that this is the most important thing to address.

However, his gambling is totally out of control. Losing shops, etc. This will devastate any financial future he/you might have had if not brought under control.

In an ideal world, you would try to tackle both head on, but life wasn't meant to be easy. 🙂

I feel underqualified to say much more. I think the counsellor, once she sees him and talks to him will have a better understanding of which problem to tackle first, or whether both should be addressed.

Try and put in some safeguards financially for yourself Don't lend him money or bail him out of any debts he has. When you give him money you are actually enabling him to gamble. I can almost guarantee if you gave him money to pay a debt that the money would more likely be gambled away.

Keep talking about your feelings with your counsellor. I know from personal experience that they can help you.

Take care and best wishes from Aust.

I dont know how or if I cope with my grief. But time passes and you live with things, there is no changing it. I think that the grief for a child is something we all feel underqualified to help with, I cannot imagine it and I am scared to imagine it too, I'm trying to overcome that fear and answer as i think so many people must be to talk about this and that must be very lonely for you.

Grief counselling must be the starting point

I have so much anger in side me at the moment. I am so unhappy it's affecting my children. I find myself crying all the time and shouting at everyone. I have had enough his gambling is just completely out of control the lie and moods don't help its like walking on egg shells as I'm not sure what to say or to say anything at all.

tasha06,

I'm a former CG. People on the Forum generally give excellent advice and some good people have posted advice on this thread already. I'll put my brief bit of advice forward.

Please forgive me if it seems a bit obvious.

You need to seek help for the the anger you are feeling. It becomes very destructive if it's not addressed.

It may be worth discussing things with your GP. It seems to me that you may well be quite depressed and that would be quite understandable in the circumstances. If your GP prescribed drugs for you it would just make your all too real problems a bit more bearable. If you have already seen your GP earlier then another visit may be helpful to talk about how you are currently feeling..

You have to protect yourself both health wise and also financially. Do not under any circumstances give anymore money to your husband. Ringfence any money that hits your own bank account for your own use and for yiour children. If you need to seek advice on the money situation and your husband's gambling effect on it. Maybe Gamcare or Gam-Anon could help there ?

I sincerely hope that some good things can come yoiur way in the future..

Take Care Now.

Be kind to yourself, seek and use all the help you can. You matter most at this moment. Be kind to yourself.