Dear Gambling Experts
Hi
I'm not sure I'm the best person to respond to you because I'm in a dark place with my CG at the mo so my perspective isn't exactly neutral but here goes.
I think your ex partner probably feels that he is unable to control his addiction and he cares for you a lot and is trying to save you from himself and what being with him may bring. He is doing you a favour( or so he thinks). If he has no faith in himself or real intention of stopping believe me he IS doing you a favour. Life with an active CG is hell. I'm not exaggerating- I'm living it and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. My advise to you would be to listen to him. My husband has been telling me for months that I would be better off without him-I didn't listen because I thought I could save him, cure him, rescue him. I can't. He continues to gamble despite me trying to support him in every way I can.
As I say I'm probably biased in my opinion because of my situation but just think carefully.
Thank you guys for your responses, indeed it seems like I should just move on
You sound lovely, you sound like you're not easily put off so i'll be honest, i think he's tried a relationship as a gambler, you were a bet. Winning or losing doesnt matter, he was placing a bet, and now you have your heart broken and he moves on, thats how cruel the addiction is.
i'm really sorry.
Hi, this is all new to me too but I have been with my partner for 9 years and it's the compulsive gambling that is new, not the relationship.
I would have reacted in a very different way if I knew about the problem at such an early stage of the relationship. You are also at an age where you may be thinkin about settling down and houses and children an the future.
Where are you hoping to be in five years time and look where he is now five years on from his addiction, still in the same place, the same horrible cycle.
It sounds like he is trying to protect you from the inevitable, I would take comfort from that and just think some things are not meant to happen right now.
Alison
Hi, i like Half a life am a bit bias as i am struggling to live with my CG husband. Knowing the heart ache all the lying and arguements this causes starting in a relationship when you already know they are a CG would seem disasterous. You seem so kind and caring, you deserve someone that can give you 100% commitment and this man can't and won't.
It's me again...I haven't seen my gambler for the past 5 months and we have just met again for a coffee (I texted him as I am leaving UK for some time and I wanted to meet him). He turned 30, moved outside London and now lives on his own (he used to live with his friend who is now living with his fiance), he doesn't look fresh at all, given it was summer and people kind of manage to relax a bit, his visual look wasn't good at all, his teeth are awful (I'm sorry for this detail but this is a true sign of his total ignorance of his health state).
At the time of our break up 5 months ago he said he has been gambling for 5 years but the real period of time is 'since I was a kid of 12-13', so it's more than half of his life...as he moved houses and changed the area he is not much in touch with his friends (who are all family men) and I sense he is just on his own now really....He is not in recovery (he took out a pile of cash to pay for the coffee and my heart just sank). I'm so afraid he will commit suicide, he looked and sounded so depressed, cold, irritated, moody...I love him and my heart is just bleeding. I know I can't do anything, I'm praying he hits the rock bottom and goes through a spiritual transformation as he just can't continue living like this. I told him to register on gamcare, he said: 'The world of gambling is much more powerful than all these nice thoughts'. He is not ready to stop, it's obvious but when will he be if he has been gambling for 17 years?!
He is only 30 and he still has this chance to change the direction of his life but he is just sinking and sinking...
Ex-gamblers, maybe I could give you his email address and you could drop him a note? I know his needs a wake up call, please help!
Hi Goldfish
I am a recovering CG.
It would not do any good for us to write or talk to him. He still wants to gamble, amd he will continue to do so. He has to want to stop before any progress will be made. We can all tell him our personal horror stories, or horror stories of our fellow GA members. Nothing will change his mind because he is not willing to listen or attempt to change.
Sorry for the bleak outlet that I have portrayed, but you deserve the truth rather than platitudes.
Best wishes
Hi Goldfish
Im the Mum to a 20 year old son who is a compulsive gambler and as Wal 1957 said we all have our own horror stories.
I love my son as much as ever but hes a compulsive gambler and does what ever he needs to do to get his next bet, things I never thought he was capable of. Wether we have a loved one who gambles or its a gambler in recovery they will say the same as me.
It sounds as if your ex partner isnt doing well and Im afraid it doesnt look like he'll choose recovery any time soon.
I know you love this man and you want to support him, but you cant help him and Im sorry to say if I were you Id walk away now before it gets any further.
Dear Goldfish29,
Well done for using the forum for peer support, it is great to see the supportive replies you have received.
Please take note of our forum rule: 'Do not disclose the identity or contact details of any other person without their explicit and prior consent'
You can see the rules in more detail here:
You are welcome to invite your ex-partner to contact us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 if you think he needs more support at the moment.
Kind regards,
Forum Admin.
My hart goes out to you and your ex.
It is possible for a GC to change i stopped gambling for over twenty years built a family home and then blew it all
Your ex seems like a lost soul like me.
l would reccommend residential treatment for him there is a NHS clinic in london i believe.
you are right he is young enough to recover and build a life
if your keeping in contact with him keep telling him that my guess is he thinks all is lost
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
