Hello everyone,
I am writing here in hopes that someone can relate to my situation and offer advice.I have been with my boyfriend since I was 18. We were together for five years.At the very start of our relationship I noticed he gambled a lot, and the true extent was realised as his wages got spent every month leaving little to live on. For a considerable amount of time I thought things were better until i found various debts to loan websites accomodating his overspend. It took a huge toll on our relationship with the constant arguments over money so i eventually ended it.
Many people to tell me it is no longer my responsibility as we’re no longer together but I have an immense sense of guilt for leaving him to deal with it. I want him to have the possibility of normality in the future but I am at a loss of how to help, and have good reason to believe the gambling has continued. If you have read all of this I am immensely grateful, and more so if you have any advice.
I am the mom of a compulsive gambling son. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. He is not ready to stop and he and his mom seem to have developed a very co-dependant relationship. It's not up to you to tell his dad nor help him to recover. I know that sounds harsh but addiction has an incredible way of manipulating and putting guilt on the non addicts.
You are obviously an intelligent hardworking young woman. The best thing you can do for both yourself and him is live your own best life.
Take Care
Cathyx
Hi Bailo, Cathy is right. It's not your fault or responsibility. You have been absolutely right in walking away from a toxic relationship. His father is allowing them to behave that way. There is no point in enlightening him as you will become the scapegoat. Your relationship was never going to be healthy as his mother is encouraging and enabling his gambling. Even if you did tell him there is no guarantee that any of them would seek the help they need. Don't look back, only forward. Make sure you don't choose another gambler. A compulsive gambler will only stop when they choose to. All the while his mother pays he will play. Don't lie for him either, that won't make you feel good. Let it go. People will always have an opinion, only you know the truth. Don't waste your time or energy on what ifs. Worry about you and why you were willing to take on his bad behaviour. At 21 just out of uni it's not healthy to be monitoring someone's finances when they are still gambling. You have been manipulated and saw the dysfunctional relationship for what it was. Breaking up is always filled with remorse and guilt when you are the instigator. Be more confident in your decision, you were right to not continue. Remember you cannot help someone who is not willing to stop.
Hi sorry to post on here it's just the most recent thread on family and friends. I joined today and the website is not allowing me to post my own topic using the 'new topic' button. Can anyone help with this?
No I can't get it to work either
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