£1,000 LIGHTER

Hi half life. It's crazy the different things people do to ease or try to block pain out. It's also very sad! I want to be me again. The happy, smiling girl who was happy to buy herself a new top or a pair of jeans instead of the girl I have become, thinking £40 for a pair of jeans? That's 80 spins!! Things can only get better, right?

Hi, Star,

Certainly angry, with good reason, trying not to be bitter. And my previous posts to you are intended as reality checks, hope you take them as such. What the CGs do when in the zone is a nightmare for their nearest and dearest.

Smiling at the children is fine but they still know when something is wrong. And sometimes they can be quite comforting when you're down. But as well as good humour, they need a good example.

I hope you get the help you need so you can make the changes that will make things better.

BW,

CW

Hi Star , just popped by to say I hope your feeling a little better today ? and your absolutely right ,you can't understand how a Compulsive gambler feels unless youv'e been there, we commit the crime but it's the familys that do the time , two totally different thing's but with equal amounts of suffering !.

Hope things improve soon , best wishes .............................Alan

Of course the children know something is wrong. They are teenagers now but I do try to not show just how upset I am. I take myself off to the shower for a good cry instead. And yes us CG slowly destroy the people around us. We don't want to, but of course we do. My grandad was a gambler, my poor Nan use to hide the money but he found it every single time. He was overly happy when he would have a win but a beast when he lost. My father was a heavy gambler until just a few years ago, blowing £9,000 in just one night and I could never understand why someone would do that? My aunties all gamble. I thought they were crazy too. Then grief struck me and I too became one of them but they do not know. Only my partner knows..... Even he doesn't know the real amounts that I lose though. It's a sad sad thing and believe me I wish I could blink and this whole mess would be over. Star

Hi Alan. Today has been a s**t day as I expected it would be. That gutting feeling of coming to terms yet again about what I have done. This time a little bit more than other times what with Xmas just around corner and not even having bought one present yet! I have to accept what's done is done and just hope and pray that things will and can get better. Thank you for your concern. Star

OK Star , keep yer chin up girl !!

Always pick up on posts eventually , so if you need a chat always here to support and never to judge , unlike some ?

Take care ................................Alan

Hi, Star,

Horrible for you, you've seen both sides. And you've scared me, I don't want it for my children but I know it happens. I was hoping that he'd put them off!!

Please take the help you need to stop, the kids do follow your example, let them follow that. There's a lot of inspiration on the forum from ODAAT, day@atime and the others who are in long term recovery. You can be too.

CW

Hi Star, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss...I'm not a parent but whilst the dates of my sister's passing start to get fuzzy in my mind, I'm pretty sure that my ageing mother still knows that loss like it was yesterday 🙁

Your financial destruction on Sunday was only possible because you have not reduced limits on your cards & have not yet self excluded...Just being here is not enough to ward off the evil of addiction! Slam those doors shut Star because although addiction pretends to offer you an escape for the grief, all it does is compound it!

I understand you have to paint a smile on for your kids & we have a saying on here that it sure turned out nice again...You can stop the rain! It's going to be hard, letting go of something you have run to for so long but if a friend treated you the way gambling does you wouldn't exactly be inviting them round for coffee!

You can't change the past but you can & you must fight for your future - ODAAT

Hi star hope your keeping it together I went to the dark place and tried unsuccessfully to take my own life a few years ago no one new about my addiction then I can honestly tell you no matter how stupid angry low ect you get your self that option is really not worth it I have 4 daughters and a good partner great family that I don't think would have coped with what I left behind I know that feeling with the slots there my down fall too if your so called mates were mates at all they would have made you self exclude plz do this yourself it will give you a sence of hope and a good feeling I came out and told the whole truth to my other half and he said like you I am punishing myself this is after hours of him cooling off I guess your partner is the same plz self exclude yourself and start a new day learning to love your self and liking yourself again I've read some of your threads hun it's like being twins separated at birth speak soon keep your chin up try and think of something to make you smile x

Most importantly don't give up on giving up stay strong x

Hi CW

I didn't intend to scare you. Sadly these things can just happen overnight and for any reason. As I said I thought my family were crazy for throwing their money away... Now look at me! Hopefully your children will think twice xx

Thanks, Star, but please get the counselling, call the number Dan gave you, go to GA.

Get the help you need, hand over the finances, just make those changes!

All the best,

CW

Odaat I know you are right. And I will be self excluding. They want it in writing! Again I have damaged myself until next payday and even then I won't get out of trouble with Xmas just around the corner. I understand this HAS to stop and NOW ..... x

Thank you for your comment Rach. It amazes me every single day how many people are going through or have gone through the same thing. My children would be lost without me and how selfish of me would it be to do that to them but believe me I really felt at that minute that that was my only option. Now that I have calmed down I see that it is no option. It is stupidity on my behalf and it can stop but only I can make it stop. Have you stopped? x

Hi star it's only my 2nd day I told the whole truth to my other half sunday the look of discussed and madness and dissapointment on his face I never want to see again he doesn't understand the gamberling but like you he understands the invent full life I've had from being abused to 8 years of being a battered wife losing lots of loved ones he says I'm punishing my self and he's giving me an opportunity to stop I now know I need council ing and any help I can get but its took me 10 years of denial to realise how selfish I was I didn't realise how many around me I was hurting 🙁 onwards and upwards taking 1 day at a time hun x