Hi everyone,
Never done anything like this before but I've had a bad gambling addiction since I was 18. In short I've probably accumulated up to 18/19k worth of debt!
My debt is under control, finally, but I can feel myself slipping down a bad path again. It's currently 12am I've just lost my last £60 on roulette while my girlfriend is asleep.
Now the buzz and thrill of the wheel spinning has finished I'm ashamed of myself. It's almost like I have a split personality when it comes to gambling. Once I'm in 'the zone' there is no stopping me. But once I've stopped I often reflect and find it hard to imagine I was like that.
The reason I am posting today is that after a call with a gamcare agent earlier it seemed it may be good for me to talk to other people struggling with gambling. I know it sounds very much a cliche but that £60 tonight was my last £60 I'll ever gamble. I am going to be writing a blog, once I figure out how to do it, every other day with my progress. I know there will be others feeling the same but if I can prove I can do it then I hope I can inspire someone else to do the same.
That's my intentions anyway. I'm sorry to people who will be infuriated reading this. But putting this pressure on myself is the kick I need.
Any comments always welcome,
Thabks
Hi Acko and welcome to the forum :)) .
I'd find it hard to believe that anyone who's a gambler on here is " Infuriated " at reading your opening post as were all pretty much the same and at one point or another have " Walked in those same shoes " .
As youv'e by now found out the Buzz and and enjoyment someone get's from having the odd bet Doesn't work for us Compulsive Gamblers , it may have started out like that in the beggining but now whatever you may win in our eyes is no longer Money but more about "Gambling Tokens " which just enable us to carry on self destructing and of course " We cannot win because we cannot stop " .
The last timeI gambled was about 19 months ago , I'd won about 12 or £1300 on a Fobt machine in the boookies in the morning and by about 2pm the same day, had popped it all back in plus about another £500 besides gtrying to get back what I'd had in the first place ( It's just crazy looking back now ) , I'd even had a winning streak at the casino a few weeks prior and had won about £10,000 which of course I lost quite quickly because my gambling brain told me " This is it , you can't lose , your invincible " and we all know how that end's right ? :(( .
The 2 things I alway's feel helped in giving up this time were , addmiting to my partner that I'd messed up and had a gambling problem and letting go of the losses so I had no need to go back and chase them again .
The first bit is alway's the toughie ! , not a conversation I ever wanted to have but it was the one that allowed me freedom to move forward .I'd spent so much time lying to people I supposedly loved , covering up my actions and movements , not to mention always juggling money trying to fund my gambling it had become a way of life and I'd become a master of illusion, of course that's a choice only you can make but in my opionion it's much better coming from you at a time of your choice than them uncovering it when your least expecting it ? .
Thoser losses can alway's drag you back though , as gamblers we never like to lose so the though that " Gambling owes us " is a big thing to ;let go of , we all want revenge but you need to" let it go " and accept that gambling has us beat and your done with fighting it all the time ::))
Wishing you well mate and gtalk to you soon :))
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