15.05.17

Hi Sm and welcome to the forum :)).

It's never great when we finally hit " Judgement day " however it happens and your's was obviously a few day's ago now .

You can't turn the clock back so now it's about dealing with the all the stuff weve caused and your compulsive gambling .

I know you won't think it at the moment but the fact that your girlfiend already knows what's been going on ( even though she found out the hard way ) is a good thing , the one conversation we Cg's on here don't want to have is with our loved ones as it's the most difficult thing to do .

The main thing is your here now and doing something positive to move forward without gambling in your life , I stopped after coming here 18 months ago and it's changed my life so much for the better , things wont happen overnight and obviously you and your partner have a lot to discuss , she obviously wants to help you as attending the councilling next week will testify to another plus is that she's still with you . This site can be a great help to you and also your partner if she feels the need as there's a Family and friends section that she could use , with loads of support from other partners and family affected by what we do , I'm not sure a non Cg will ever really understand what makes us tick and to be honest I look back and still try to understand why I didn't just stop before it all whent so wrong ?.

Like yourself I stopped getting the same " Buzz " from gambling as time went on and any winnings just meant that I could keep playing for a while longer , it no longer becomes about winning money or pleasure and on most day's I was glad it had gone so I could go home and switch off from it , that's sounds so crazy when I say it like that ? .

It won't be easy as you say but nothing worth having ever is and the biggest piece of advice I could give you is try and forgive yourself , it's happened and all you can do is try to ensure it doesn't happen again , let go of all the past losses because trying to get even is futile and will just drag you back , don't go back because gambing beat you , it's beat us all , so allow it to win and walk away .

I don't know if youv'e put any sort of blocks in place ? , Handing over your finances , cards cash to your partner , or thought about self excluding from sites , casinos or bookies ? Some people don't think it makes a difference but for most of us anything that put's a barrier in front of us at least short term is a huge tool in our armoury in the begining :)).

There's lots of advice on here for te things I've mentioned and if you go to the top of the page and click on " Get advice" it will take you to the self exclusions page , I'm not sure what you gambled on but if it's online ? then you can also install blocking software so as you can't access the site.s .

If you need any more help for the mo then just ask and someone will usually answer :)).

Just take it one day at a time for now and do what you need to do .

Best wishes and talk to you soon

Alan

Thanks Alan.

The opportunity for me to access my money has been restricted and in turn that'll keep me away from online or bookies for the foreseeable.

What worries me is when I am in control of my gambling and I get 'gallus' with it. I don't want to be in the same situation in 5 years time as I cannot hide from money forever.

I'll read the tips page on here - I've felt a sense of relief with your reply on here as simple as that sounds, one person being able to relate to my self inflicted situation strangely gives me encouragement. The best bit of advice I have recieved recently was don't let this define you - let how you react define you. Did you find GA helped? I feel uncomfortable at the thought of going but the uncomfort isn't enough to prevent me attending.

Thanks, SM.

Hi again Sm :))

Absolutely you can't hide away forever from anything but the truth is that your not in control of your gambling otherwise you wouldn't be here , weve all won fair sums in the past and if your anything like I was then the bigger the win , the bigger the stakes become until that is we lose again and so the cycle continues ?.

You'll find most on here relate to each other and I don't think anyone can possibly understand the mindset of a Compulsive Gambler , like another CG can it's that old chant of " Takes one to know one " , it's also a great place for questioning one another as the other saying goes " You can't kid a kidder " we know exactly what each of us is capable of because we all walk in the same shoes :(( .

That advice you recieved was spot on , it doesn't have define you or your future and if your prepared to put some effort in to the task ahead then things can become much better in quite a short space of time .

I've never attended GA , nor councilling other than a couple of chats with the good people of Gamcare early on , for me it was logistics of getting to a meeting , I'm recovering from surgery at the moment but usually I work mainly afternoon's and evenings 6 day's a week , although that being said I never really felt I needed to go as this place and the support of my family have alway's given me the support i'd needed but I wouldn't discount it should the need arise in the future .

Hi sm 0787.

Welcome to the forum.

I hope you are starting to feel a sense of relief that its out in the open because as painful as some of it is, honesty and openness will be your saviour from a gambling addiction.

You will now realise what is important in your life and you will learn all about the power and mind control of the addiction

If you show people what you are prepared to do like handing over all control of your finances you can build a pride and self respect back up.

You will become calmer during recovery but it will also grant you the serenity to realise that you must never be complacent. There is no room for half measures now or being casual in your actions.

I feel you will find counselling helpful so please dont be afraid to have a chat with the doctor. The stress this causes is bad for everyone.

You will also learn to put the money behind you with thought schemes and plans for a better future. You have to put things in context fairly quickly and focus on what gambling did to you.

Keep talking about it to your partner and on the forum. Work it through and there is plenty of help all around you.

Things do fall into place when you are gamble free.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thanks guys.

Its been over a week now with no urges, no blips and no desire for gambling. My partner has moved out now and that'll subsequently give me the space and time to think how much of a b*****d I have been. I have counselling tomorrow - unsure what to think other than be as honest as possible or I won't get through this. I have a lot to look forward to over the next few months. For last 6 months I couldn't concentrate what I was doing that afternoon but now 1 week later I feel such a deep feeling of shame and regret that I can start to feel positive about my future. I can go lower than I was but I won't because of the people that are supporting me through this.

There's things that are important in your life and then there's things in your life that are completely irrelevant but can take over.

I nearly lost everything that I have ever worked for and that's enough for me to finally admit I have a problem. Thanks guys, comments are appreciated

Hi Sm .

I'm sorry to hear your partners moved out but hopefully it's a temporary situation and thing's can be resolved between yourselves ?......................................Your emotions are going to be all over the place for a while and it's a difficult time looking back with regrets over what's happened , I know I seemed to be full of happiness one moment , then nothing but despair the next but in time take comfort that it does begin to ease my friend and you will turn thing's around again .

Honesty is definately the way forward with everyone that needs to know and your councillor should be no exception , it also offers our addiction nowhere to hide and that's gotta be a good thing right :)).

It's difficult to believe we have to get so low before we act , I know I'd pretty much come to the end of the road before stopping but that's the way it works I guess ? , Gambling keeps promising us so much but it's not happy until were stripped of everything , you will rebuild from this and come back a stronger person than before and the only way from the bottom is up :)).

All the best for now and I hope the councilling goes well tommorow .

Alan

Neither of us wanted the move out situation but then neither of us wanted the court summons either. There's only one focus just now and that's me getting better. My partner will attend every meeting I have, has full access to my accounts etc so both of us just need the correct space and time. She has been there for me even though I could ruin her life if I don't seek help. If I don't react to that then I am heartless and that's one thing I definitely ain't.

Thanks Alan.

That's good to hear that your partner's supporting you still , it can't be easy for them and I'm truly gratefull mine stayed with me and offered her support and like yourself to let her down is something I could never do .

Despite what's going on with you , I can see determination and positivity coming through and I truly believe things will come good :)) .

Take care Sm :))

Had my first counselling session, was a bit wary as to what to expect. I like the whole informal nature of it. I didn't feel under pressure like I did when at the doctors !

Back again next week for session 2, hoping it comes round quickly as I feel my entire mood has changed after it. I feel sorry for myself for the first time in this whole escapade tonight

Hey Sm :)) .

Glad to read your first councilling session was a positive experience and I hope it continues to be that way for you , sometimes it's just good to talk , open up and dump your ******* on someone who's can perhaps offer a different angle on things ? .

We all go through those mood swings my friend , I felt at times " Poor me , how did I end up like this " ? but the truth is I did , you did and we all did , were not bad people but we have made a few wrong choices along the way I guess but a line has to be drawn where like yourself you've faced up to what's happened and started on the journey ahead and to a different life :)).

Just keep dealing with each day as it comes , it's all any of us can do .

Congratulations on your first week tommorow and best wishes .

Talk to you soon 🙂

Coming up for my 3rd week now.

Successfully manoeuvred my first pay day without even a glitch.

Here's to the next 3 weeks.

Thanks

That's me still gambling free and I am now 1 week off my 6th month initial target. Here's to the next 6.

It's not been easy but it's certainly not as difficult as I thought it would be. It's something that I feared but with the help of my GF and complete ban of bank access for 4 months has helped massively.

I am now in a position of trust with myself to buy lunch everyday and buy petrol etc. The simple things in life are sometimes the most awkward when you've completely lost the trust of those around you.

I couldn't have done it without counselling, my family and most importantly my GF.

My next target is to achieve 1 full year without gambling. I keep having to remind myself not to get complacent as complacency is what kills people with gambling addiction. I have a complete ban on all forms of gambling, twitter accounts, Facebook accounts etc. It may seem excessive but it's what works for me.

Thanks for reading.