Hello, well I don’t even know where to start or what to say but I suppose iv made the first step in the right direction, well second really because iv just downloaded software to block all gambling sites as I can not do this just through will power shamefully enough!
The last straw has been this evening when I have gambled the last of my 1400 of wages that I could not afford and again ended up hating and punishing myself and feeling like I will never learn.
I have a full time job and work very hard for my money, I work a lot of hours and I mean over two hundred hours and that is just to feed my gambling addiction.
i enjoy gambling, I don’t know why I enjoy it, I haven’t quite worked that one out yet because I never finish better off because I just keep on playing and playing until I have lost everything! I suppose it takes me away from the stresses of life for a little while and I’m in another world but at the end of it it just makes things ten times worse.
if I have money it will only go on gambling, gambling has been a huge part of my life for near enough twenty year and I do not let myself think about how much money I have lost BUT I think about and carry the guilt with me every single day for what my actions have caused, relationship brake downs etc but I accept feeling like that because it’s what I deserve.
I truly hope that I can now beat this addiction, and not let this control my life and I am able to look forward and make myself see that there are other things out there that I will enjoy instead of playing the slots.
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Welcome to the forum Kelly-Ann,
you will find lots of pearls of wisdom on here. Firstly, there is nothing shameful in not being able to beat problem gambling with willpower alone. I tried it (as many others have) and it was not enough to stop me. It sounds as though you are punishing yourself a lot at the moment for having a gambling problem. Again, that is not unusual but I can promise you that if you stick with this, you will emerge a different person and learn to love yourself again.Â
Well done on getting the blocking software in place. If you haven’t done so already, I would recommend registering with GAMSTOP and check whether your bank enables you to block gambling transactions as well. The more blocks the better. You may have already done this but please talk to a GamCare advisor as they will be able to help you with the strategies that you need to put in place to address your problem gambling and talk about treatment options. There is also a group chatroom for an hour at 1pm and 8pm each day. If you get a chance, pop in. You will get lots of support in a safe environment, no judgement.Â
You can beat this. What I had to focus on in the early days was finding other things to do to fill the time that I would have normally been gambling. It wasn’t easy because I would gamble every waking hour to be honest but my days are completely different now. I still have to plan each day with military precision but that works for me at the moment. I am 80 days gamble free.Â
Take each day at a time. Sometimes you may need to take each hour at a time. You may get the urge to gamble. Some people do, some don’t. The helpline and Netline are there for you if you are having a difficult time.
I wish you well and hope to see you in the chatroom some time.Â
I do know how you feel. My Husband eventually left me due to my gambling. Once he found out, by pure accident, he gave me two years to stop but in those two years his respect, trust and faith in me decreased, he simply fell out of love with me and left. He is now remarried.
I still loved him so much and the pain of that happening, being without him, forced me to stop. I could not bear doing the practice that had ruined both of our lives. A small gamble on line on the National with a fairly big win, then completely spiralled out of control. When he left he paid off 25K in debt for me.
That was 15 years ago and I bitterly regret it. I lost the love of my life and can not face meeting anyone else. I truly, truly hit rock bottom and ruined what could of been a wonderful future.  I still get the urge but rarely, I a have a very addictive personality. It's always "all or nothing" for me. Sorry to ramble on.
Hitting absolute rock bottom, was my only way out.
All the very best to you. X
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