This weekend was a nightmare, having to explain to the wife again why i had lost £5000 on black jack is not a great feeling. I can't let this keep happening and bless her she has been on at me to get counselling for at least two years. I keep saying that i'll sort it out and i wont gamble again... It's like a mental fatigue that creeps in and says, "You have nothing to do right now why not WIN a few pounds." Got to love the positive nature of my mind - It never says "You will LOSE"
Anyway, i have pretty much gone through every feeling from anxiety that makes you want ot be sick to the temprary joy there is from having a win and even that joy comes with the horrible realisation that in order to gamble i had to lie or be decietful in order to do it.
So a New Start. I have started by focusing on my Short/Medium/Long term objectives which include managing the gaping hole of money that has been left behind by gambling this months wages away.
I don't know if it is helpful to others but i thought i would list the actions that i have taken so far to curb my gambling.
1. Wife has complete access to our credit cards / debit cards
2. I have installed where possible controls to prevent access to on-line gaming websites.
3. I only have cash now
4. I have finally made the call to GamCare. The Rep was really helpful and after several years of putting it off i have requested a counselling session.
I am going to try and update this forum each day. I think ensuring a mental focus on why i am not gambling is important certainly in the near immediate future.
Let me know if you have any other suggestions.
Regards
L
i'm in roughly the same boat. just been through the weekend of hell with my girlfriend finding out about my dirty secret again. if don't sort this i'm going to loose her and loose myself to the monster in my head. i feel so frustrated right now. i hope you get sorted mate and keep us all updated on your progress.
I feel your frustration Bob81, at the moment i just feel like I am lost because of the gambling. I should have been in a really good place this week - loads of things i need to be doing. What the hell was I gambling for.. I've self restricted the sites I was using for the maximum time possible. Hope you find the strength to sort your monster out. After all the girlfriend has got to be more important. I sometimes wish my wife would treaten to leave me.. I often think that would be the ultimate motivation not to gamble again.
This I guess is my day one. I have got to get my head back in the real world and focus on real life. I have a business opportunity which involves helping other people. New business, new website, new domain name, new company to be registered. A new start...
#NoMoreGambling
Hi L, welcome to recovery 🙂
In answer to your request for suggestions, I would recommend stronger barriers to get your Time-Money-Location Triangle broken in these early days! Your wife sounds like she's put up with a lot (my OH doesn't get it either) so rather than expect her to make what may perhaps be idle threats, enlist her help! Give over your cards or @ least ask her to check your accounts on a regular basis sometimes more than once a day. Get her to help you install some blocking software (K9 is free) but there are paid for versions which may be better! But be sure to let her know there is help on this forum & through Gamcare for her too if she needs it!
If you're planning on sticking around & coming here daily, get yourself started over on the Recovery Diary section plus have a look @ the 2015 Challenge. If you want to start one but would rather a shorter one @ this stage, Sandra12 has a few weeks left on her 90 day one!
You are so right, family is much more important, time to prove it!
#youcandothis - ODAAT
Hi,
re barriers, the maximum time possible for self exclusion is permanently. If you have a lesser time limit than that, then I recommend asking your wife to help you look up the postal addresses of all websites that may tempt you and write to them, say you're a CG in recovery, you want to permanently self exclude and they shouldn't contact you again. Give them all names, postal and email addresses that you use and your DoB so that they can identify you.
re cards, get them reissued so that none are linked for deposits and your wife should keep the new ones out of harm's way.
re devices, make sure that they're blocked, full stop. The provisio about "where possible" sounds dangerous. You may need to trade down your internet mobile for a non Internet handset. If this is what it takes, do it.
Wish you well,
CW
Thanks everyone for all the positive suggestions.. I have my counselling session booked in for next week. It's the first time I feel like I am actually dealing with the problem..
That is good..try and talk to someone about your problems and try and break the endless cycle you are in at the moment. Good luck bro!
hi - dont know if this is the right place to start this but here goes. I lost a months wages in 3 days on online gambling. I now will have to explain to my partner who i live with why I cant give her any money this month towards bills etc - any suggestions on how i approach this conversation with her would be really helpful - any ideas (she knows i gamble but will be shocked to the extent that i lost a months wages )
Wiltshirt you need to be honest... She will find out anyway - best to be up front about it.. It's one thing to gamble but another to loose your partners trust...
Good luck
honest honest honest, only way forward. i'm so glad i laid all of my cards on then table to my girlfriend. i now have some peace in my mind and i can now talk to someone about how i sort my finances out.
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