Hi everyone, I'm Chrissy. I'm a 40 year old happily married mother of four kids of wide ranging ages. I've been doing a stressful fast-track nursing course for the past 2 years and although coping well, i think the stress of the workload began to get to me. I started gambling in mid-January this year and within days, I was finding it really difficult to stop. In that short time, I have managed, from various sources, to get hold of £12,000 to gamble and its all gone. Maxxed credit cards and even , to my eternal shame, borrowing from my adult daughters nest egg (with her permission!). I'm doing things I never thought I would do and I keep drawing a new line in the sand. For example, I swore I wouldn't touch the daily living money and I do. I leave us with virtually nothing. We're both students and have a young daughter with Down syndrome. We can ill afford my destructive behaviour.
It's so weird to me that after many years of being a control-freak and being in charge of the finances, making sure the bills were all paid and being a clearance-label-on-everything type of girl, I've done a complete 180 degrees on this and am doing the exact opposite. However, although I would say this is not the "real me", my husband remarked, quite rightly, that by being a very driven and controlling type of person, it has fuelled the gambling in the sense that I even do THAT at 110%. That was an insightful point I hadn't considered.
In the last few weeks, I have realised this is a really serious problem, not least because of the debt but because of the urges. Coincidentally, an extremely serious and heinous crime has happened to the family and we are all reeling from the shock. I have had to take time out of this last section of my course just to deal with the aftermath. The investigation will be long but hopefully will result in several people going to jail for a long time. Our recovery will take far longer. My gambling has been a counter-productive distraction from the terrible pain and anger I feel as an aggrieved mother. Trying to find the control where I can get it and being daft enough to believe it might be found by the wins and then ignoring the spiralling losses.
So, life has gone from being relatively harmonious to a complete mess in a short space of time. I need to stop this online slot-gambling immediately!! I have borrowed again just to get through until next week and when I have some income next week, I plan to buy Gamblock for the PC and will use the parental filter on my ipad, secured by a password from my very supportive and loving hubby. I have been honest with my husband and children and they have been wonderful. I am very lucky, which is more than I can say for my now-suffering family.
I want to start attending GA meetings and would welcome any other advice. Although this has been a recently-developed addiction, it has clearly got a good hold of me and the circumstances we currently find ourselves in are not conducive to healing, so I need all the help I can get. Reading all of your stories it is clear I am far from alone but it sure feels that way, doesn't it? I've always been a heart on her sleeve type of gal, but now I can feel the need for secrecy and deceit which was never my way. I cannot let that happen to my family.
Please help me to address this, so I can start living my life constructively again. My family deserve that.
Best wishes to you all,
Chrissy
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Hi Chrissy
When we feel many areas of our lives are out of control. That there are things we feel helpless to change. Addiction will often find a way into the lives of those feeling pain & hopelessness. When life is spiralling out of control addiction temporarily soothes us & gives an illusion that there is something we make the decisions about. I would guess you begin to feel calm as soon as you have made a decision to gamble that day & the trouble & stresses of your life disappear for a few hours @ least.
Get to a GA room as soon as you can there you will find hope, help & experience of all things gambling.
Good luck
Hi Chrissie,
I wouldn't want to add too much to what has already been posted on here. I do hope a resolution is reached quickly from a justice point of view on your criminal justice concerns. Please see below my post something that Phil (Bornagain) listed on the 2015 Challenge thread on gambling urges. I can say the Challenge has helped me no end to get to 80 plus days gambling free. It may have the same beneficial effect on you.
I seem at long last to have recognised the kind of life stresses that have trigged my gambling escapades. The latest was about two years ago (after a period of abstinence), which involved the onset of a very serious illness to a close family member. Prior to this severe works stress was a trigger. I now have no intention of ever gambling again.
Please see below re URGES
Coping with urges
A difficult week for some is coming and I hope we all get through it without any urges. However if you are struggling have a read of this. I found it here, https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/urges
How to cope with urges.
For many individuals, the crucial problem is coping with urges. In order to cope well with them, it is usually necessary to understand them accurately, rather than in the distorted manner of many addicts. Some common distortions about urges are that urges are excruciating or unbearable, that they compel you to use or act, that they will drive you crazy if you do not use or act, and that they will not go away until you use or act. Some individuals are confused enough about their own thinking that they have a difficult time identifying distinct urges, and simply think of themselves as behaving a certain way "because I like to."
In actuality, urges can be uncomfortable but they are not unbearable unless you blow them out of proportion; they do not force you to do anything (there have probably been many instances where you had an urge but did not act), they have not driven you crazy yet (and will not), each urge will go away if you simply wait long enough, and there are periods between urges which become increasingly longer if you stop.
Although during the initial days or weeks of abstinence or moderation, especially after a long period of daily addictive behavior, you may experience many urges of strong and even increasing intensity. Recovering addicts of all types report that urges eventually peak in frequency, intensity, and duration, and then gradually, with occasional flare-ups, fade away. How long it will take for urges to peak, and how rapidly they will subside, depends on many factors, including the specific addiction, the length of the addiction, how successful the program of abstinence or moderation has been, and the strength of the developing alternative lifestyle. However, as a very broad guideline, within six months to one year most addicts will report only feeble urges (for instance, one a week, lasting a few minutes, a 1 or 2 on a 10 point scale).
It is also crucial not to take responsibility for the occurrence of the urge, but only your response to it. It is normal for any addict to experience urges, and just because on Sunday you decide to stop does not mean that on Monday you will not have urges. The fact that urges occur does not indicate that your motivation is weak, but that your addiction is strong. Because all habits have unconscious components, of which the urge is one, it will take time for these to die away. What is within your control, however, is how you respond to the urge. An analogy could be made to someone knocking at your front door. All sorts of individuals might knock at your door, but it is up to you to decide with whom you will talk. Their knocking is not your responsibility, but to what extent you choose to speak with them is.
Specific techniques for coping with urges include the following:.
When an urge occurs, accept it, but keep it at a distance. Experience it as you would a passing thought, one which "comes in one ear and out the other". Detach yourself from it, and observe and study it as an outside object for a moment. Then return your attention to what you were previously doing. If the urge is intense, remember (and perhaps picture) your benefits of stopping/cutting back (which can be carried in your wallet or purse). Recall a "moment of clarity", a moment when changing your addictive behavior seemed almost without question the right course of action. Think your addictive behavior through to the end:
Best Wishes
What wonderful responses. Thank you all so much for the clear and non-judgemental advice. I wish you all well on your own recovery journies.
Hi MrStop
I loved your what you found for coping with urges, Excellent.
Hi Chrissy
You seem to have your head screwed on pretty well. You have made all the right decisions so far. I can only emphasise that you need to follow through on addressing the problem. You have experienced what can happen in a very short space of time, walk away now.
Best wishes
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