Dear all,
Not new here but been gone for a little while now.
Things took a serious turn in my absence. Things had not been good, I had been deep into the addiction. Well used to having no money. My DMP was closed due to missed payments and I didn’t even care.
Then on Monday (yesterday) I received £60 for something I’d sold on eBay, via PayPal. This money was meant to buy my 9 year old daughter a new dress to wear to a disco, she had picked it out and everything and petrol to get to work. I had been waiting for the eBay sale as I obviously do not have any money left) And I see the notification that the money had gone in to my PayPal and I immediately took it, deposited it and gambled it in under 10 seconds. Yup, probably 5 seconds. I was used to making 3 figure deposits so £60 was pence to me. Once I had lost it, I looked up across the room and my daughter and realised the gambling HAS to stop. That’s it. No more kidding myself. This was too far. Further than the 5 figure debt I have, further than loosing my house in 2016, further than my car running out of petrol on my way to work and having to beg a Jerry cans worth from the car wash place . This time I’m really done.
So I self excluded from all online casinos, registered with Gamstop and went to bed.
That was yesterday, this is today. Day one of real recovery.
I wish you all the best with your recovery. Gamstop is great, it’s saved me from myself so many times.
Thank you Vin47.
Iv heard great things! It’s what I really need. Abstinence easy atm as I’m moneyless but come pay day I will need all the reinforcements!
Good luck with your recovery
Xenedra,
Good to chat this evening. Realising what we lose shakes home the reality of what our addiction causes and fails. You are not alone in this battle as we are battling along side you in the front line.
I’ve made some changes in my behaviour and for me they have helped.
1. Daily I move a small amount of money into an account pocket that lets me watch it grow.
2. I don’t carry cards on me only a small amount of cash. That way I am not tempted to go to a bookies and waste the money in my account like I have done.
3. Got a countdown app and watch the days count down of goals I set myself. I opted for 39 days, ambitious maybe but achievable.
4. Thought about my son and creating quality moments. The last 3 days I have been 3 times to the cinema with him, bowling and generally having a laugh. When I gambled I had no spare cash so that’s the best one of all.
You can kick this addiction.
Go out there and create the memories before your daughter doesn’t want to hangout with her uncool dad š
Always remember to strive to be the best Xenedra you can be. Life may not be easy but you are not alone in this battle.
CJ.
Hi Xenedra,
Like you I have a child (he's about to turn 7 this weekend). We don't choose to hurt the ones we love, or deprive them of things they need. We truly love them and that's what makes this illness so hard to understand! We somehow make excuses in our brain that seem rational until you do it, and then you realise how f*****g irrational the excuse was.
Don't put yourself down. There's light at the end of the tunnel. I'm 28 days GF today and I've been able to spend my money on both my son and my partner, and it feels so good. Like you say £60 seems like pennies in the gambling world but in the real world you can really treat someone you love to something nice.
Be honest with friends and family around you. Signing up to Gamstop is brilliant. I self excluded myself from all local bookies and called the multi operator to ban myself from bookies I didnt even know existed. I've called options and I'm waiting for them to come back with a date I can commence face to face counselling, to try and get to the bottom of what possessed me to do things I did. I go to a GA meeting every Sunday. My partner looks after my finances now while I give my mind time to heal.
All of these things in place have helped me on my journey to being gambling free and it is so worth it. I wish you all the best in your recovery.
Dave.
Thank you all for your replies. š
I am feeling really motivated. Its only very early days but i feel that with Gamstop fully active, it's such a relief. Its like somone has taken it all away, all them temptation. That's it i am free.
I have a long road to recovery. I spoke with StepChange today and started my DMP back up with larger payments (i used to over estimate my expenditure so that i was paying the minimum so i had more gamble money) but now honesty is the way forward. My debt free date has come down by nearly 2 years...i couldnt believe it! I am even hoping to pay extra at times to get it paid off even quicker.
I mean, at the moment i am penniless. Literally broke. This is obviouly not an unusal thing, but from now on it is a temporary thing!
Looking foward to getting involved in the community again and putting this all to bed.
Best wishes to you all.
P.S I am girl š
Hi Xenedra,
How are you getting on? Feeling positive and upbeat? Creating lots of positive memories I hope.
Sorry, I assumed you were a bloke.
CJ.
Hello. Great post. Hopefully you can keep up with not gambling.
It's a hard road. The longest I went was 27 days and that's in 16 years of gambling. That is 5844 days of gambling and just achieved 27 days in a row. I've had numerous "moments of clarity" and numerous times where I thought it would be it. I'd not go crazy again but I always do. All I can say is good luck and you have a child. I dread to think what I would have done if I had children. Just think if your kid every time. Any time you feel the need just think about the awful lows and that you are letting your child down. Winning isn't a good thing because winning leads to losing and then disappointment and then the same awfulness.
Hi Xenedra.
Well done with your continued abstinence from gambling. I recognised your name and picture instantly from previously on the forum, and just like me returned with a forlorn outlook after yet another downfall.
But you have shown that there is always a glimmer of hope to get yourself free by tapping into the support mechanism available to us, along with a determined spirit and tough stance.
You're doing all the right things in order to reclaim your life, and no matter how high the mountain is to climb, you can do it... day by day, week by week etc. Coz what really matters is: quality of life, family, health and wellbeing - not just a focus on money.
Keep on believing!!
Hi all!
Thank you for the messages!
9 days strong, the weekend was difficult as I had some time to myself and would have always settled down to gamble. I find myself quite bored at these times and certain evenings I would gamble.
Gamstop is fantastic though, it stops the thoughts/urges dead because I know it can’t happen again.
I sold some more bits and bobs on eBay and received the money and it’s there! Still sitting in the bank, this would never, ever have happened!
One of the more difficult things is learning the value of money again.
Pay day soon and I’m excited to really start living a normal life.
Just need to find and evening hobby...
Hope you are all well š
Well done. It's definitely a case of getting through each day. Doing things differently, new ways of thinking. New hobbies. Projects. Challenges. Defeating the boredom is part of the solution. Films. Jigsaw puzzles. Music. Novels etc.
And it's great to see a bit of money in the bank. But just remember it's not for gambling - it's for security and building a better future.
19 days and not even looking back! Gamble free is the only way š
Well done
Hi X, just reading through some posts to get some courage and strength, hope you're still feeling optimistic! Good luck!
61 days gamble free!!!Ā
I cannot recommend GamStop more, I hadnāt attempted to try and over ride or or log in or anything because I know it would be useless!Ā
I feel so great to have been paid twice and not wasted it within days (or hours) I have money for every day of the monthĀ
iv treated my daughter, started some savings and started a new hobby!!Ā
Life is so much better now! Thank you all for your support!Ā
My name is Xenedra, I used to gamble but I donāt anymore!! ☺️
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