Can't bring myself to self exclude?!

Hi there,

i have had a good think of your situation and have been exactly where you are 189 days ago. I’m now excluded for 5 years. There is no point in 6 months trust me. We gambled as a family too and your story mirrors mine totally.

so please just bite the bullet and do it. Your stress levels will drop, you will feel proud and hence live a happier life. You don’t have a choice really. There is only 1 option. The urge will NEVER go but you have to do this for yourself and also for your friends and family. It scared me to bits so I get it, but remember if we only live once, don’t ruin it.

take good care, and break this awful habit x

andrew

I felt the sam way about self exclusion but had to do it, 26 days GF and I still regret it.  But it feels good having some money in my pocket.  Just do it. ?

Thanks for replying.  I really want to and it's so stupid that I haven't but it's the finality of it that scares me... gambling has been my crutch when other things get too much and I haven't devised any alternative coping strategies so I feel vulnerable letting it go if that makes sense...

Dear @alkynat

Welcome to our Forum and thank you for sharing your post. Our Forum is a very supportive community where you’ll find encouragement from your peers so please keep accessing it. You may also find our live chat room helpful too which you can access twice a day between 1pm and 2pm then again at 8pm and 9pm.

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles, if you would like to talk things through please either call our helpline on 0808 8020 133 or access our Netline so we can give you one to one support and advice. We're open every day of the year between the hours of 8am and 12am. You’ve taken a really big step in reaching out for help and support with this so well done on doing so.

Please remember that you're not alone in this, we're here for you. Your recent relapse and the new loan does not take away everything you achieved before.

Well done on paying your initial loan off, this have felt like a fantastic achievement. We can sign post you to other free helplines who are able to give you advice with debt and other financial matters if you would like to call us.

Congratulations on over coming your problem with buying scratch cards, could you think back to what helped you to achieve this and apply it when you get the urge to gamble online? It sounds like gambling may have an emotional attachment to your childhood, it may even bring back happy memories from these younger years so please be aware of this as a possible trigger. A referral to one of our Treatment Partners may be beneficial to you if you haven’t already had one. We would encourage you to connect with new hobbies and interests too to help fill your spare time and bring other forms of enjoyment to your life.

It's great to hear you have such a supportive husband, we are here for everyone affected by problem gambling, he’s welcome to call us if he needs any support or help. We look forward to reading further posts from you and to possibly talking.

Take Care

Joanne

Forum Admin

Thanks for response,  I will try and call in to the helpline when sorted kids out.

I definitely feel my childhood is a factor,  I come from a family who gamble alot in all different ways (family sweepstakes,  bingo, cards etc) my early memories are helping my grandad pick a 'lucky horse's and watching the race or days at the seaside playing on one arm bandits etc. I always loved it... I think when I got older and life issues presented I sought my "happy place" in gambling and now I'm stuck...

I kicked the scratch cards after getting myself in to an epic financial mess with a young baby, I spent the money for nappies, milk etc. my electric ran out I had a very very low moment and was verging on suicide and decided enough was enough and never bought them for many years later... it was about 8yrs ago I hit a hard time emotionally and started with bingo, ironically it was my mum who suggested a night at bingo to "cheer me up" and the rest is history. My addiction has ALWAYS been kept secret until last year. I would hate to tell my family as they would feel awful and it would impact how they were around me when we have our family sweepstakes etc. And I don't want that...

I know its beyond time I kick this but I guess I just need to gather the courage so I will talk it through with the helpline. 

Your story is oh so familiar, but you can do this. Just self exclude or ask your hubby to do it or a close friend you can trust. Once it is done you will have to accept you can't gamble. It's a hard journey and mine has only just begun too. But for me the greatest loss will be my husband and children. No slot machine is worth that. Every time I get the thought of I will just see if I am excluded off this site etc. I then imagine myself inevitably loosing. Then having to tell my family I have relapsed AGAIN. Luckily I have always stopped before I let this addiction win. Try to find something to fill the time you would have spent gambling. Believe it or not in the past 45 days I have completed four jigsaws, and I bloody hate jigsaws but anything that stops you gambling is worth giving it a go. Stay strong and you will soon reep the benefits of being gamble free.

Thanks tracey63, I  want to tell hubby to exclude me but it involves telling him what I have done AGAIN and he has been so happy that we have just crossed that hurdle I really dont want to burden him again. 

I went on the site with the intention of self excluding, instead I played, won enough to pay off my loan, banked it and felt good... and then I reversed the withdrawal and spent the lot!! I am so angry at myself right now I have borrowed more money like a fool... I need to get off this crazy train and fast. I'm going to call the helpline I definitely need support in taking the step.

You need to sort this out. Yes, you’re in a bad financial situation now but it can and will get much much worse if you carry on. 

I know exactly how you feel, You don’t have to self exclude forever,  6 months, a year, 5 year, it’s up to you, you might feel different being GF, it’s just taking that big step,  I’m 27 days GF and miss it but with self exclusion it stops me. Good luck, you can do this. ?

Hi Alkynat and welcome to the forum.

Lets look at "just in case". Just in case of what exactly?  Its not like keeping a spare key to the door but it is a door you are leaving wide open to gamble again.

Its no income scheme on a rainy day. Thats what gambling is not. Its a random outcome with the odds stacked well against you especially on slots. You need to learn about the real  crazy odds on slots.

See the mess it has created...that is what gambling is and its got more of that in store for you.

Recovery is about honesty and a born again moment. Telling people and starting recovery is the easy option compared with the road to complete ruin. Which is it to be?

Your addiction doesnt want to hear the truth. You are naturally scared of reactions but those reactions are a reality check you need. Like all addicted gamblers you are in cloud cuckoo land just like I was.

You dont need it in your life because its not really there to benefit you when your addicted head is full of a lucky clover dopamine feeling.

Gambling kills people to be blunt. When you tell people you can thank your lucky stars that you are beginning to see the light and recover from this

It will take blocks to cash and you will not have room for any complacency again. When you feel the serenity of being on the right path to recovery that will be a very good sign

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thanks everyone,  I spoke to an advisor last night and they suggested I try a daily limit on the site just for now until I feel able to self exclude fully. I did this and put a ridiculously low limit (well not ridiculous as any penny spent is a penny wasted but I basically put about a tenth of what I'd normally spend) I got up this morning deposited my limit which lasted all of two minutes and then I actually went about my day. Its felt good not having phone stuck in my hand secretly spinning slots and pretending to interact with family. It did feel weird to finish playing as I was sure the slots were just about to pay out (my fave delusion) but I told myself that's it until tomorrow and I  was ok with that as a starter. My plan is to self exclude before payday though. I cannot gamble away another paycheck so I have a week to get there and I think I can do it.

Thanks for the support. 

I feel that a lot of denial still lingers in you.

You will not do this with willpower alone and what you have just mentioned is not the test. If you have been an addicted gambler setting your own limits is not the answer

I will have to accept you are trying it as a stop gap but I am not happy as I know how powerful this addiction is.

What you are saying to me now is that you will just have a little go while you think about being able to start proper blocks. It doesnt work like that. Ive been through that stage and I was congratulating myself for six day and two day gaps between sessions.

Im just giving you food for thought. The slots are never ready to pay out as we all liked to think. The prize doesnt move closer on a conveyor belt the longer you play.

The facts are that you can put hundreds in and they will do nothing that will satisfy you...sure tiny prizes and false wins(less than the stake) but that is not why you are playing. You are playing for the dopamine of playing and the biggest wins. whats hooking you is next time, next time until it becomes a trance of escape.

Im giving you a reality check that you still want to keep gambling at this moment. I used to talk about what I planned to do but it meant nothing effective. Then 10 months later I had blown several thousand more and was still talking about stopping until I hit a real rock bottom...then I saw the light of saving myself.

Where is your rock bottom because you are continuing to have a dabble...your plan is..... your plan is..... well Ive seen countless people relapse on payday, their head full of plans that were powerless in the face of the most dangerous addiction I know.

Your decision as nobody can tell you what to do. You got up this morning and gave your money away. I wont soft soap you because it does you no favours

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

I know your right joydiver, I definitely still have some lingering delusions. .. I no longer convince myself that any good comes from it or "just one big win then I'll quit" but I do still use it as a means to cope with my anxiety.  Anxiety is such that even trying to introduce a new way of coping with anxiety,  induces further anxiety.  The whole scenario is farcical really...

I didn't gamble today, its weird because I felt so resistant to a full block but just knowing I can means I haven't... today at least. 

I will be self excluding before payday,  I absolutely have to I know the pull it will have but I do have to do this a bit slower...