Can't keep lying

Hello

I don't know where to start apart from that I'm a compulsive gambler who has an addiction and I've got to do something about it as its ruining mine and my families lives.

I've been gambling for over 25 years mainly on Fobts, online roulette, greyhounds and football. I know I've got an addiction, my family know, my friends know and so does my partner but I keep returning and doing the same things over and over again and I'm fed up of all the lies and the feeling when you've lost all/most of your money.

I go to bed after a bad losing session, swear that I'm done and won't do it again, wake up in the morning and I'm thinking of how to make money and that I can make money from gambling but I know deep down in the long run I will lose as I have no discipline and will chase and chase until all the money has gone.

I have a lovely wife who knows that I have an addiction to gambling and I promised her before Christmas that I'm done with gambling after a £5000 loss in the bookies in 2 days. The thing is I haven't gave up and I have been gambling secretly whether that be in the bookies, online or betting through my friends accounts. This year I've lost £2,500 in January, £4,200 in February and its the 1st of March today and I've lost £800 already but its got to stop. I keep a record of wins/losses and round it up and over the last 10 years I've lost £140,000 which is made up of wages and savings(not winnings from betting) and it disgusts me knowing what I could've done with that money. 

It's rare for me to treat myself to new clothes, go out with friends, fancy holidays etc as I think if I go out and spend £200 I won't have enough for a bet and when I do go out and spend a few hundred quid I try and win money to pay for my night out or to pay for my clothes its just how my brain works and this must be because of the addiction.

I don't know how I'm still allowed to bet in my local bookies or at least restricted as they know I'm on a low income and never get asked where my money comes from but its perfectly fine for me to lose £2,000 on a Wednesday then return the next day and lose £3000 knowing I work a minimum wage job. Online at least they set a limit so I can't lose as much but I usually lose that limit within the first day or so and then can't bet until the following week removed link

I'm hoping tomorrow will be the start of a gamble free life and plan on taking it day by day and see how I go. I've closed my 4 online accounts that I can deposit on, I've told my friends to not let me use there accounts and on the way back from work on Monday I will be going to my 3 local bookmakers and asking them to ban me from there shops.

I know I will have urges to gamble but I need to figure something out on how to fight them. Does anyone on here have any advice or tips on this or anything else? I also get very irritable if I haven't had a bet/won some money and when I've lost a load of money I get all depressed(feeling sorry for myself) and get snappy with my partner. Gambling is taking too much money and time from me.

I went to the park today with my wife and 2 kids and whilst I was there I was betting/checking football scores pushing my 1 year old son on the swing and before you know it I'd lost £600. When we got home I made an excuse to go meet my friend for an hour as I done my limit online on my account for the week so I ended up going the bookies and losing £200 in about 10 minutes on the Fobt. I can't keep going on like this lying to my partner and putting financial strain on my family and today is the end of it, I have to try harder. 

I want a better life for me and my family and that means a gamble free life. I want nice holidays, new clothes and new adventures. Its not going to be easy, there will be hard days, arguments(I turn to gambling when me and my wife have a fall out/) and other obstacles but I need to find a way to navigate and get rid of these urges.

Sorry for the long winded message but needed to get this off my chest. 

Hopefully I can beat this!! 

Much love 

SLP