Can't quit

You mean you called gamcare?

Why can't you open up to your wife?

I'm only 131 days GF so ignore me if you wish as I'm not an expert by any means but putting things bluntly:

'I can only blame myself' 'I need help, professional help' - good ownership

'Tried to Self Exclude' - 'they didn't call me back' - 'don't have the willpower' - can't tell wife. - all excuses of some sort.

Great you've come here and hopefully you get better advice than just that of a CG with a very bad history but the best I can give you in short is:

Tell your wife - whatever the consequence - it will only be worse if you don't

Keep calling - you need and want help - get out there and take it

Work one day at a time - for the rest of today, choose not to gamble

You can do this!

It would crush my wife and I fear losing her plus another reason that I can't explain. I called gamcare and was promised councilling sessions but they haven't come back to me. You are right I know I'm making excuses, I need to be take responsibility and take action. I guess I'm scared of quitting which might sound odd. I can often go 3-4 days without recently having tried to resist urges but then relapse, don't know why. My problem is deep rooted in me and I am struggling to see a way out

and you aren't helping yourself with your title - setting yourself up to fail or worse, getting your excuse ready.

you need to start controlling what you can control, drink well, eat well, sleep well (as best you can)

I appreciate you have your reasons but still think you need to tell your wife. obviously your call though.

Is there anyone else you can talk to - all the time you keep this hidden you also keep your secret and remain only accountable to your inner self. It's not for anyone else to help you but if it's out in the open you instantly become more accountable to yourself.

What does out look like to you? out of debt? no gambling?

I look forward to hearing you've made it to a week gamble free

Thank you for sharing your story.

I am new to this forum and I am trying to put my story toghether.

As I'm currently only 93 days gamble free I'm no expert especially as over the last 3 years I've quit for long periods and then relapsed. But what I would say is that you need to understand what is the underlying reason for gambling. For me although boredom and the thrill were factors ultimately I gambled to try and clear down debt. I controlled the debt aspect in my life and realised to be thankful for what you have not what you haven't got. I feared that I wouldn't be able to cope without a bet but overtime it just gets replaced with different emotions and more positive hobbies such as family, friends or excercise.

Whether you tell your partner is totally up to you but I would have a counsellor or someone you trust to talk to for support. Analyise why and what drives you to gamble and then you can look to address these reasons. For me I put all my finances out in the open and this started my recovery. Your reason might be different but some self reflection would be a good place to start and then you can look to see what steps you need to take personally to address. Plenty of support and tips on here but ultimately you have to be willing to drive change yourself, along with the various tools on here. For me taking away that dreaded triangle worked, no access to funds for gambling helped me to start my journey. It isn't an easy thing to do but it can be done! Good luck

Some good advise here. I'm with. You on to scared to tell cause of the consequences. Good luck

Hi I'm wife of cg and from experience the longer you leave confessing the worse it is. The bigger the debt will get. The lies will be bigger. You are living a lie, your wife will feel betrayed, she will question everything about the past associate with lying and gambling. If only my husband had told me it would have saved us a lot of pain, misery, arguments and permanent damage to our relationship. Forget money, you're never going to win it back. Admit and stop denying. You're denying her a choice. I've supported my husband kept our family together. I find the lies question my commitment to my marriage, my loyalty.

I have to agree with Merry go round. Also wife of an addict I can absolutely promise you that telling your wife is vital. The biggest hurt for me is the deception and lies. Are you avoiding telling her because it is an excuse to continue and by telling her you will have to stop?

You openly admit you cannot quit. So, on that basis imagine in two years time when that debt is possibly 20K, 100K.....who knows? How will you feel then? That will happen unless you get help now. I have thrown my husband out after 23 years....divorce will now follow, no question. Reason.....lies, deceit, denial. If he'd come to me it would have been different.

You have made real progress (although you don't think so) by coming here and admitting you're in a mess. You are in a good place here with so much support.

I know it's hard when you reach out for help and feel let down. I also called gamecare and like you have heard nothing since. It's deflating when you feel ignored by the people who you think will help you. I do understand that.

I hope you get through today gamble free

Willpower won't do it. If you've been here before you will have been told you need proper barriers starting with telling your wife. Making yourself accountable to someone else means it's very much harder for you to gamble in secret. If you can't block your devices successfully, ditch them. The addiction will come up with all sorts of reasons you can't but it's entirely possible to live without the internet in your pocket every hour of every day.

Once you've put the barriers into place, chase up the counselling and find your nearest GA meeting. You will need to identify and address whatever it is that's driving the compulsion.

I have given up having an internet enabled mobile and don't use a sim in my ipad. Yes there are plenty of ways to gamble but whilst out and about I've at least cut off some of the options. Not carrying cash or at least none that my wife doesn't know about mean I 'can't' use a shop. Now I have to find ways of staying stopped at home/work

I've just been crying my eyes out reading an update from 'Rach' - read her story, if the money doesn't do it for you then think about what happens if you cross a line - which you will if you get desperate enough!

Posting here due to a few urges today to borrow money to gamble. Managed to do 5 days gamble free. Blocks are in place, currently no money to gamble with. Payday Friday need to avoid same old cycle. Trying to concentrate on each day being an achievement for me. Hard road ahead, debt to pay off and a family to support. Trying to do sports and puzzles as a replacement.

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