(Posted by jupiter21 moved from Friends & Family)
Hi its day one of not betting and the anxiety I feel is overwhelming. I'm a 34 year old woman who's been gambling since the age of 13. ive been very lucky to have a wonderful mother and partner, but the gambling has to stop if we are going to have a happy future together. i'va always gambled but the last 3yrs it has taken over my life, in fact I feel like I'm another person. sports betting is my Achilles heel and its not even about the money its the escape, but ive lost track of what im running from. I'm a betting shop manager which is like an alcoholic running a pub, but I need my job to pay for university im stuck.
On a positive note ive been seeing a wonderful counsellor who is changing the way I think and feel about my addiction and although until today I have still been gambling I can feel things changing. I know my family probably wouldn't agree. the main change is ive stopped lying to myself, I am/have been reckless with not just my and my family's money, but I have been extremely selfish and let people down.
my family and partner have believed my lies my deceit and the guilt I feel from it has made me gamble more.
Today is the day I take back control and try and beat this destructive thing that has devoured my life. I want to be happy, im not sure I deserve it but I want to be, I want my partner and my family to trust me I want us to get married and have a family but that can't happen if I continue to gamble. So today I chose not to gamble, my heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest and I felt so alone but I know day by day it will get easier and day by day ill become me again. thanks for listening.
Hi Jupiter
Good luck with your recovery. You need to be completely honest about your compulsion to gamble with your partner. You need to be sure that he will support you while you try to take back control. You need to be able to tell him when you have felt like gambling and ask him to take control of your money: if you don't have any money, you can't gamble it away. I've had to do this and handed all of the household finances over to my wife. Although it's a little humiliating asking my wife for 'pocket money' I know that it's the only way that I have to limit my opportunity to gamble. If I have no money in my pocket, I can't spend it!
Try attending GA meetings. Think about telling colleagues that you work with about your problem and I'm sure that even though you work at the bookies, you should be able to self-exclude. In the meantime, you might want to think seriously about finding another job.
Good luck in your recovery.
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