Day 1 and scared

Hey jo. .welcome to the best place for support...several of us ladies on here all landed here in the same boat as you. ..your first post sounds the same as mine....I know completely how your feeling love....all I can say is
...things can change....if you change....so maybe go have a read of my diary....ring gamcare for advice...there great...keep coming here for advice....stay in touch xx

Thank you so much for your kind words. I've read some of your story and it is so familiar. I hope I have your strength.

You will love...I was so scared to tell hubby etc...he's not a very calm person....but after it was all out ...you really do feel so much better love....and now...90 odd days later ...are marraige is better than its been in 30 years....so there's always hope....one things for sure....life will only get worse if you continue to play those dam slots....be strong my love and take one day at a time xx

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I don't feel ready to speak to my husband yet. I need to feel stronger and more in control of this addiction. I am today feeling more positive than I ever have - I believe I can overcome this demon and can have my life back.

So here's to day one of my new gamble free life.

Hi,

You did ask for advice, well, there is a lot you can do to help yourself. Whether or not you do it is down to you.

The best advice is to keep the time money location triangle broken, take one of these away and you can't gamble. So measures like installing blocking software, self excluding from the sites, handing over financial control to your husband, there's a lot of advice out there. But if you don't tell your husband, he can't help you.

The other aspect is honesty and transparency going forward. If no one knows, it's easy to gamble, once it's in the open, it's harder. Secrecy, well, actually deceit, promotes addiction; honesty with everyone, including yourself, promotes recovery. And I say this because my husband lied. Extensively.

The other aspect is support, GC offer counselling, best in conjunction with GA. There are meetings in multiple locations on different days, a group of people on a room with a common problem seeking and sharing solutions, all have difficulties with resisting gambling, with relationships etc, all have been there, no hierarchy. A tool worth using.

If your husband can see what you are doing to address the problem, that can only help.

Wish you well,

CW

I hear what your saying ..and know what your feeling about telling your husband jo. ...I quite understand as well what you mean about getting stronger and feeling better...I to said and felt the same....for me it was like I needed to come to terms with having admitted to myself that I was a compulsive gambler...I needed and had a couple of weeks before hubby knew.....but in that time I did ...like cw advised. ..got the triangle broken....spoke to gamcare...and had started counselling.....this worked for me as I was able to show hubby that I had already started the changes that needed to happen....and that I was deadly serious about recovery....so I understand how your feeling.....but like cw said ...it is a addiction that will thrive on secrecy....so protect yourself from a slip up by getting saftey nets set up now....take care xx

Hi I could do with sound advice. I find myself here pouring over finances and struggling to meet commitments this month. I was so tempted earlier to play with £10 in the hope of a win. I haven't I've posted on here instead trying to battle the urges. Finances are tight for the next few months and now due to my stupidity no longer have a back up. Words of advice and encouragement. Would be greatly appreciated please.

Hi Jojody,

I too was (and still am to be perfectly frank) also in a deep financial hole due to my gambling, however it has been made a lot easier having arranged an iva via Payplan, others on here have used Step Change. Either one will look at your financial situation in a non-judgemental way, and advise either a debt repayment plan or an iva, meaning that your creditors can no longer chase you or hassle you in any way. I strongly recommend contacting them as I know that in the earliest stage of recovery, fear of not being able to make ends meet makes the urge to gamble even stronger, so starting the vicious cycle of getting further into debt and becoming more stressed etc etc.

That aside, there are many steps that you can take to make the transition from gambler to recovering cg. I haven't tried them all, but there are members on here who swear by lots of different strategies including the live chat each evening, counselling which can be arranged free via Gamcare, Gamblers Anonymous and creating your own diary so you have a place to document your struggles and victories along the way! Do you feel ready to speak to your husband yet? There's no doubt he will be hurt and possibly angry, but by reading the f & f section, I've realised that the longer you leave it and the more lies/deceit that takes place just makes it harder. I'm also in no doubt that he will be upset that you've been facing this by yourself and have felt unable to talk to him about it. Only you know what's right for you though, but I imagine it's only once it is out in the open that you can truly start to recover.

Have faith Jo, you can do this, but don't make life harder for yourself than it already is by bottling it up. Maybe the best place for you to start is counselling, along of course with putting blocks in place and breaking the time/money/location triangle to make it impossible for you to gamble - just take one of the three away and you can't waste any more money (or sanity for that matter) to gambling.

Good luck, we are here for you. Keep posting and reading.

Twinklyr x

Thank you - yes I've thought about it but after some number crunching realise that this is a short term problem only lasting a couple of months so Iva not appropriate at the moment. Particularly if I stay away from gambling. I am on the cusp of financial ruin or resurection. The balance is hard and the pay back long - the debts are large but hopefully payable. I'm worried and have once again that familiar sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. The one that stops me eating and wakes me up in the middle of the night. A familiar demon I wish would disappear. I look forward to the day when I can say I love my life.

Hi,

I have a DMP with Stepchange and as HL has alluded to it is invaluable and certainly brings peace of mind. No more threatening letters or phone calls and with any interest frozen (in most cases) i can proceed with paying my debt. They will negotiate a suitable monthly payment which doesnt leave your finances short. I notice the direct debit leaving the account every month and it breaks me a little.

However my wife (mainly) and I pay everything by cash or debit card and own no credit cards. When the debts are paid we are not taking any further credit out and in fact are deciding to sell up, downsize and rent somewhere.

We also have the added bonus of a further sum of money which has been going to Stepchange every month.

Mainly it is peace of mind.

Best wishes