I am a 32 year old woman. Married with two beautiful children. I have a good job and a side business. I am also a compulsive gambler. My weakness is online slots.
My addiction started four years ago when we were struggling for money and I came across matched betting. It all began brilliantly, making small amounts of money and using this for extra treats. The problem was when I came across the online slots and started thinking I had made a profit that I wouldn't normally have so it was ok to gamble this away. This very quickly turned into an addiction and I would say that since then, I have gambled on average £400 a month - sometimes more. When I say I have gambled, I also mean that I have lost this amount. So I would estimate that I have spent nearly £20,000 on online slots and in addition wasted valuable time that I could have spent with my family and friends. Much of this has been funded through credit cards, loans (including payday loans) and through borrowing. I already had debt that I was managing but now as a result, I am on a debt management plan and in total owe £25,000 (at the highest my debt was £37,000) which I am paying back at £650 a month. I am working every hour god sends to pay this back but still find that I gamble despite this!
Nobody knows about my addiction and I am not in a position at the moment where I feel that I can confide in anybody so I am doing this entirely alone. I know that people will say that I should confide in my husband or tell someone I trust but this is just not an option for me and I have accepted that I need to deal with this on my own.
Last night, I gambled away £300 on online slots. I have had enough. I stayed up until 3am doing this and I have had to take the day off work to sleep so I have lost a days wage. I can't continue with this anymore so from today I am no longer going to be a gambling addict.
I am here today to start a new journey. In a years time, I want to be back here saying that I am not a gambler and that I have worked towards clearing my debts. I am going to check in and update as much as possible and record my progress.
So this is me. I'm Lena and I am no longer an addict from today.
Days gamble free: 1
Debt balance: £25,000
Hi Lena,
Welcome to the forum, there's loads of great advice here and it's a good place to come whenever the urges hit.
One thing I can assure you is that you will ALWAYS be a gambling addict, it's just about learning to manage the addiction and avoid/prevent a relapse. I'm not saying this to be negative but the first time I decided I needed help I was expecting to find a 'cure' for the addiction which doesn't exist. However, now 3 months clean (the longest I have ever been) I have learned that it is about managing the addiction and preventing it from dragging you back in.
Well done for posting. Can I suggest (Again, from experience) that whilst the feeling is fresh and the motivation is there, start to get some real blocks in place. Self exclude from all online casinos, get blocking software installed (others will be able to advise you on the best one), self exclude if you play in bookies etc. Also, ensure you have as limited access to money as possible that you could use to gamble. If you take action now then once the pain of the latest loss fades away (and it will, much like a hangover) then there will be decent blocks in place for when the 'maybe it wasn't that bad' feeling creeps back in.
Ideally this would be handing over your finances to someone you trust (in my case it was my wife). I appreciate though that you want to do this on your own and I wish you luck. Personally, talking about my addiction was the best thing that I ever did, it's an addiction that thrives on secrecy and once it's in the open it can't thrive.
Just my little bit of advice. You've done well by coming here, maybe start a diary in the recovery section and keep popping back to it whever the urges hit.
In brief...the more action you can take now then more likely you are to win the war against this addiction. DON'T rely on will power alone.
All the best.
Phil
Hello and well done for coming on here and sharing your story.
I was in the same place as you were coming up to two years ago and I have not gambled since. I still think about it everyday but am scared to let it go any further than a thought. For me, i had to tell my wife, i had to give all of my bank cards to her, i had to constantly talk about it... because it is so so hard to do on your own.
This is the first time i have ever written on a forum like this.
jasonj11 wrote:
Hello and well done for coming on here and sharing your story.
I was in the same place as you were coming up to two years ago (edit - its exactly 718 days) and I have not gambled since. I still think about it everyday but am scared to let it go any further than a thought. For me, i had to tell my wife, i had to give all of my bank cards to her, i had to constantly talk about it... because it is so so hard to do on your own.
This is the first time i have ever written on a forum like this.
Hi Lena,
My story was similar to yours, was certain I could get it under control myself, but the reality is I did not even begin to understand the problem until I went to GA, the 12 step program is now part of my recovery and an essential part. The reason being is that we are gambling addicts, not that we have become addicts and wont be at some point in the future, the reality is thats part of our make up and part of who we are so recovery to us is a daily thing of controlling this and crucailly we need the help and support of others. Go to your nearest GA meeting and make it a part of your week as you battle this. If you really commit to this you can stop the gambling and your life will improve immensely.
For support you will ideally need to be honest and open to your husband, he deserves to know the truth however harsh it may be. I remember coming clean to my partner and family, it was not easy but my relationaships are 100 fold improved as a result, because they too now understand the extent of the addiction and see that Im working on it each day. I wish you well on your journey.
Thank you for all your words of kindness. I am unable to explain to my husband at the moment due to him going through a tough time with bereavement... at some point in the future I may be able to. I know that I will always be an addict but in my head, I am telling myself that I am not.
I've successfully spent the day self-excluing myself from sites and also set up accounts with sites that I hadn't already registered with and self excluded immediately from those. I've also registered myself for online counselling as I just physically do not have time to attend meetings (within the hours that they would be run). I've downloaded a book about female gamblers which I am going to read on an evening when I have urges to gamble and I've also scheduled myself activities for the next few weeks so that I won't have the opportunity to gamble.
I'm feeling quite positive at the moment. I know I will have urges and down times but this is the reason that I have joined this forum to find support so that I am not on my own.
I wish you all the luck in the world, I am going into day 7 and loving the feeling of waking up knowing I didn't blow all my money the night before. Take it a day at a time and keep yourself busy. I've found keeping a recovery diary in the forum here really helps x
Good luck in your journey lena, where possible try to find someone to talk to even if its a friend, i told my wife and my friend earlier and even thou the wife was not happy she said she would support me and my friend will help aswell, Remember you are not alone we are all in the same boat just at different parts,
i hope it all works out for you
Tommorow will be day 1
Having been in your husband's unenviable position I can virtually guarantee you he would rather know sooner than later. He will find out. Telling him now puts you in control of how that happens and means you can show him what you've already done to address this.
There isn't a good time to tell him but the sooner you do it the sooner you make yourself accountable to someone else which in turn makes it very much harder for you to gamble in secret.
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