Do or die

I think you lot are right, I don't have anything to take except my phone which I really do like but yeah screw it, they can send debt collectors and take my debt which actually isn't a lot it's just the fact that I instantly gamble anything I have. 

My name is because of an anime I enjoy, one-punch man and Jamoo is a nickname. 

Going prison to learn a lesson doesn't sound very enjoyable to be honest. You're right I have control which is why I choose to not block because I prefer not to put myself in situations where I'm likely to make things worse. I'm sure we can all understand that when we gamble were we're not ourselves.. we feel and sometimes even hear our hearts beat, we heat up.. and then when that last spin doesn't go our way.. anything can happen. If I make it out the shop I'll smashed a window or break a sign.. it's a long walk home to be angry and there's a lot that could happen. You may not see it but I'm actually being really sensible by only doing it at home. + I gamble in prison too where people can did over owed debt so yeah.. all I ask is if you're reading this please listen to what I'm saying and try to open your mind, it's more about just money, it's my life, it's my safety it's other peoples safety.. I'm trying, me working and going from job to job is hard enough when I know what the end result will me be but I keep trying. 

I'm calm now anyway, I guess I'll see what happens next Friday. 

Thanks everyone

you have to find something else to do the hooks of addiction are deep in you close one door another opens take it one step ata  time make a list i do this that happens and i hope you are then able to close door one opens all the time to closing all the doors and finding something to keep you going through the day

I can't understand why a fully grown man acts like a baby saying he has no control over what he does?

Surely you have more self-control than that Onepunch? 

If you are truly saying you will go out and hurt people when you lose in betting shops and that is THE reason why you can't install blocking software in your mum's basement... then to be honest, if you really want to get over your addiction then do it. Go out when the urges get too bad. Knock some mug punter sparko, get arrested and save the rest of us from having to deal with idiots like you. Job done!

However, if you wan't to take ownership of your own chaos and wan't to change, then have a look around this sight and stop being a big whiny baby. 

Take control.

We all have reasons to fell bitter and angry at the world; we can make a choice whether it defines us.

f.

It sounds like you are a complete prisoner of your thoughts and completely unable to challenge yourself.  You are stuck at the bottom of a pit but your thoughts and your sense of hopelessness are preventing you from even attempting to climb the very narrow and frightening ladder out of it...

It is time for change. You have already gambled away everything you have, you have been to prison multiple times, you have smashed things and hurt people and you have almost killed yourself in order to gamble. If that is not enough to show you that gambling will not help you then what is?!

You seem hellbent on the "safest" way to gamble,  yet this "safe" way led to you almost killing yourself yesterday. How about focus on a way NOT to gamble at all? Why is that so frightening for you when you have experienced so much hell because of gambling?

Installing gamblock does not mean you will go out and smash things UNLESS you actually go out and smash things and hurt people. Putting blocks in place WILL mean that you will be TEMPTED to go out and play and potentially end up reeling havoc but it does not mean you HAVE to do it. Trust me, on a site like this we can ALL relate to the urges/compulsions/ temptations  to find ways to gamble but we all have a choice.

Why not assign your energy towards finding ways to PREVENT yourself leaving the house when the gambling urge takes hold? If the stakes are so high and others can get hurt why not develop a firm plan to keep you from going out instead of just passively accepting its something your just going to do?

You feel so low right now and what you have done/doing in the past hasn't worked so maybe it's time to try something new, challenge yourself and your thoughts instead of letting this addiction completely control you. Gambling has done nothing good for you so why not just try what life could be like without gambling.  You are not alone in this addiction we all have it here it's hard as hell but you have to face your fear and challenge yourself to take back control for your actions.  Dont waste another day watching wheels spin...

You all think I haven't tried and blocked myself ? Then what did I do.. I went to the bookies. A few months ago I blocked myself and just went bookies instead and I also sold my phone to cash converters which is another threat of me blocking myself.

I'm not saying I can't control myself but I don't want to put myself in a situation where I could lose control and I don't understand why that's being frowned upon ? Because I don't want to get I trouble or sell the only thing I have that's worth something and waste my time walking to and from town coming back with a lot less when I can just lose in the comfort of my bed. Just because it might have worked for you, didn't mean it will for me because we're different people.

Also friedkin.. stop trying to belittle me by saying I'm 'in my mum's basement' and calling me an idiot. Say what you will but the fact you can't converse and keep a cool head without name calling and making assumptions speaks volumes. 

Like I've said, if you lot can't see the logic in me not blocking myself that's fine, maybe after Friday I'll try block myself but at the end of the day if it goes how I know it could then you lot won't be the ones suffering, I will. Think about that.

You know what you are doing. You're in full control. If you can wait til Friday then you can muster up the balls the balls to say NO!

It's time for this madness to stop. If you really want to change you need to do it. Only YOU can change. YOU need to sort it out mate. Just try your best and make the effort. 

After Friday I'll make a genuine effort to stop ok. 

I can make it till Friday because I have no choice but to. I can't be paid right now..

What I'm simply saying is if you have truly given up all sense of agency and self-control then nothing can ever help you, so it is best you get locked up, away from people who are trying to help themselves, maybe inside  you'll get some sense knocked into you. f.

In my opinion that's not a solution at all.. short term yeah I get to relax and not worry about money and I can still gamble to my heart's content, then I'll come out and nothing will have changed.. I'm not making it harder for anyone trying to help themselves so yeah.. 

I'm not saying for a fact I'll go out an do anything but if I block myself it's an option that's more likely to happen than if I don't. It's that simple. I'm not someone who should be backed into a corner so I won't do that to myself. 

I'll try after Friday, there you go 

Have you ever picked up the phone and made an appointment to see your GP to demand some CBT counselling for these thoughts - because that's all they are - thoughts.

You are more than your thoughts.

There is no logic in what your saying though... you are saying you don't want to put yourself in a situation where you may go to the bookies, so instead you are putting yourself in a situation where you are going to gamble away your final pay at home, which last time led to you almost ending your life... how is either one of them a viable option?? You are not listening to yourself.  You are creating barriers to every solution because you are keeping a "gambling option " available to yourself at all costs, your even saying I will gamble if I go to prison.  So why not explore why it is you want that gamble so badly after all you have put yourself and others through? Why wait till Friday? You say you cannot gamble now as no money so go ahead put some blocks in place so when you get money you wont be able to lose it all again and feel close to suicide.

You are fighting with yourself and I agree with the other poster you need to seek some CBT or something to overcome your thoughts otherwise you are going to stay stuck in this ever worsening hell because your thoughts are stopping you from seeing the bigger clearer picture. 

What am I going to do with less than 200.. it won't fix anything.. my only chance is to gamble. I only did a day and a half this week and then quit so not only do I barely have anything to gamble with, I have nothing coming in after.. if I block myself I know I'll just get stressed and either gamble on a site I'm unfamiliar with that will wind me up or if I made it till daylight I'd go bookies.. lose, get mad at the new limit and probably sell my phone and be really screwed. Those are all choices yes but I'm trying to fix my problems. 

.I can see where you're all coming from I just wish you opened your minds and tried the same. I've said I'll try your lots way after I try mine one last time so what's the problem?

Why you talking so fatalistic? 

You always saying everything's a "done deal" - this will happen, then I'll do this. 

Why do you talk like you have no control over anything, and everything is someone else's fault making you do these things?

Genuine question -

When did I blame anyone else ? Obviously it's all my fault and it's because of my choices and I haven't said anything will definitely happen what I've said is it's possible and clever people learn from their mistakes and from history because those that fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat their mistakes and the stakes will be doubled. 

I've said I have control.. and I choose to gamble in this way based on what I know CAN happen. 

It's whatever after Friday I've said I'll try the blocks, simple.

Ok cool then, sounds like you got it all worked out. Don't need my advice so I'll bow out and say - for real, I sincerely wish you luck. You write intelligent, you deserve better than you are living now. 

Anyway, all the best, I'm out.

Friedkin x