Do or die

Course you lost it all, that's what us compulsive gamblers do. Did you really think you'd win, walk away with 2k? Maybe 3, 4? We don't do that mate, that's not what we do. 

They've closed my account because I called the fraud team and said this months deposits weren't me but they could see it was from my phone.. 

Great.

A link to something that'll block me then please... Time to start my long miserable journey of scraping by like everyone else and working long hours in dead job so I can afford a takeaway on a Friday night, maybe treat myself to a bus into town instead of walking and save for months to buy a phone.

Hello 1punchjamoo

It sounds like you are feeling frustrated and low about your situation and your gambling. Please do contact us  to talk about how you're feeling and/or to see what support and help may be useful for you. We are available 24/7 on both the HelpLine 0808 8020 133 and the NetLine

You also asked for a link to something that will block you, please do mention this to an adviser on the HelpLine, because there are a variety of blocking tools available.

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Posted by: 1punchjamoo

A link to something that'll block me then please... Time to start my long miserable journey of scraping by like everyone else and working long hours in dead job so I can afford a takeaway on a Friday night, maybe treat myself to a bus into town instead of walking and save for months to buy a phone.

It won't be like that forever, if you get your head down. You can do this mate. For sure life will be what you want it to be if you come at this differently and just stick at it. It will be like how you described to begin with, but not forever.

Take care, hope you feel better soon and are ready to finally put this to bed. It can be done, it just takes a while.

Ps blocking software was my first step in trying to make this work. I was repulsed by the idea leading up to it but once they went on, I felt all fuzzy and liberated. I hope you feel that way too when you get them on. I recently took some of my blocks off... 14 months into not gambling. Never say never, nothing is forever... Especially the way you're feeling right now. It can get better for you ✊

I was just thinking that lots of well wishing words regarding keeping your head up during this challenging time in your life may feel pretty hollow given the way you are feeling.

I was you once... As were many others on here. Some have got ahead of the addiction, some haven't. Regardless of where you are with the addiction, you aren't alone in what it's doing to you.

It's time to act now friend. Long term planning then day-to-day execution. Without the basic blueprint I have just outlined I wouldn't have last a week gamble free, let alone over a year. More importantly - I would NEVER have taken time out of my day to send you this message because back then I didn't give a s**t about anyone else but myself, sending you a waffling message would have been no tangible benefit to me, so I wouldn't have bothered...

However to execute what I outlined above would have impossible for me to do alone. You need all the support you can get. The first thing I needed when I reached that 'had enough' epiphany was support from others, gamblers and non-gamblers. 

Whilst I was still willing to conquer alone, I was sub-consciously accepting that I was going to recoup, gather myself and have another go at the gambling when I felt ready.

Stay in touch with people on here, consistently. Don't just disappear then return each time you've done a load. 

I won't lie, I thought about gambling this very morning. Just a passing thought because my car is poorly and it's costing me dearly to get it fixed, with my gambling debt to service things are hard going... However:

1) last year I wouldn't have had the money to pay for it in the first place and would've borrowed, then gambled to pay that back.

2) not having much expendible income makes me feel inadequate as a provider for my wife and family. I feel like a failure and the mind proffers the idea of a punt as a quick fix to that feeling. Without time behind me and a process of self-discovery I wouldn't have been able to fathom that out previously

3) my day count is too precious to throw away now

4) this s**t ain't going anywhere any time soon

I wouldnt have been able to do this alone. Don't disappear into the ether then reappear when s**t goes wrong. Invest all your energy into this recovery of yours, you are worth it and life will and can get better for it, if you choose life this time.

Thanks everyone. I've stopped gambling online without blocks but I have started going to the bookies. I'm up to date with bills but last week I lost a week's wage and then sold my phone. I caught up on bills this week and can't afford my phone back until next week but I also just lost 75.. I'm trying but it is difficult. I nearly quit last week but work told me I was doing truck training this week which I knew would be an easy week so I stuck it out. I'm feeling defeated but I need to keep going. 

Thanks for the support, despite still gambling I am in a better place.